What is he saying?

[Lynn]

My boyfriend and I are in long distance relationship. He is an Australian and we have been together for 1.5 years.

 

Last month, I went over to visit him and things were going pretty well between us. However, two days before I was to go back hom, he wanted to slit up with me. We were talking and joking in bed and out of the blue, he said he wanted a break up. His reason being was that he had lots of emotional problem to deal with ( from his troubled childhood and breakdown of his marriage) and that he cant have any emotional attachment to anyone while he sorts out his problems.

 

I was confused and couldnt understand why he would wanted a break up. The night before we were making long term plans for our future and the next day, he cant be with me anymore. How does one understand and accept it?

 

I cut short my trip and went back homE . Before I went hom, i told him i would wait for him no matter how long he takes to sort out his problems.It has been two weeks now and he hasn't contacted me at all. He doesn't reply to my emails or to my calls. It seems that he has completely written me off his life. Last I heard was that he had overdose on Valium and he is seeing a psychologist now. During those times that I managed to contact him. I asked him if he still loves me, he said yes but he also said it is not the kind of love that I need and he might want to be alone after he has finished sorting out his problems.

 

He is my first boyfriend and the first guy that I slept with. Maybe that's why i am having such difficulty letting go.

 

I know I still want to wait for him but does he want me to wait? what is he saying ?

[Tony T]

This guy has tons of problems and is not able to deal with a long term, close relationship. His type is better know as a commitment phobic. The reason you got along with him so well online and on the phone was because it was far less threatening to him than dealing with a female in his near proximity. He is probably a junkie of long distance relationships...they are made for him.

 

I have no idea whey he led you on while you were there. He was probably excited to see you but once he saw things might work out, he got terrified.

 

You don't need this guy in your life. He will never commit to you and it could be years before he sorts out his crap enough to be able to be in a healthy relationship. If you wait around for him to get straightened out, you're nuts. It could take decades...or it may never happen.

 

I hope you enjoyed the Kangaroos downunder. I've always wanted to see on in its natural habitat. And the Crocadile Hunter...he's the greatest!!!

[marzipan75]

Hi Lynn,

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how you feel. I was in a long distance relationship for a while and had been dating a lot longer than you but my circumstances are similar. My ex was the first and only guy I ever slept with and out of the blue everything changed completely.

 

Under the circumstances, I don't think there's anything else you can do now except not contact him anymore and try to move on with your life. I know it sounds impossible but in time you will realize that it's not the end of the world. It's actually the beginning of a new one for you. Having a serious long term, long distance relationship is incredibly hard. To add to that you said he had a lot of emotional problems that he was trying to cope with so if I were you I would certainly believe that he loves you and loves you enough to know that the way he was treating you was not the way you should be treated.

 

I think on one hand, it was good of him to end your relationship now if he knows that something is not right with him then how can he be right for you? And I know that you don't understand, and you have every right to feel hurt and angry over this but you will have to let it go in time. Right now you must feel incredibly hurt and confused about what happened when you visited him and you should! LIke I said you have every right to feel hurt and pain right now.

 

Also, don't blame yourself. Try to understand that whatever it is that is going on in his life, it is affecting him and his ability to love and be in a relationship right now which is why he thought he should end your relationship. This can be selfish and selfless in this case. I don't know the exact circumstances of your relationship but it sounds like the distance and his emotional problems were taking their toll on both of you, not just him. So maybe the only way out he can see right now is to not cloud your life with his problems and not cause you any more pain by staying in your life when he feels it's not right to anymore.

 

I know this is so hard to rationalize, especially since it just happened so recently. In time, I think you may be better able to come to terms with this and why he did it. If not, then as time passes you will begin to let it all go. I won't lie to you, it's going to hurt for a while but you have to let it or else you won't begin to get over it. Take it from me, It's been two months and two weeks since my relationship ended and although some times I feel like I'm going crazy, things seem pretty okay.

 

There's not a lot you can do. You've tried contacting him and it's obviously too painful for him to keep talking to you at this point. So just try to respect that and do yourself a favor at the same time by not trying to call or email. This way you aren't causing yourself additional pain. If he tries to contact you in the future, then you can think about whether or not you should talk. Don't wait for him, if he wanted you to wait then he would not have ended the relationship. Please think about that before you allow yourself to miss new opportunities to meet people in the future.

 

You talked to him and yes he still loves you and you love him but the relationship is over. That is where you must leave it. As they say, When it's over, it's over. Let him go. Don't talk to him from here on out and try to focus on yourself and this new beginning. There are going to be a lot of new things in your life and even though you may not believe it right now, you will see soon enough. If you feel the urge to try and contact him, call a friend, log on, talk to a relative or somebody, anybody except him.

 

You have to remember that he is no longer a part of your life and keep it that way. Trust me, it's the best thing you can do right now. Take care of yourself, try to relax, talk about your feelings whenever you feel the need and just take your time. Things will get better, you will see.

 

Marz

My boyfriend and I are in long distance relationship. He is an Australian and we have been together for 1.5 years. Last month, I went over to visit him and things were going pretty well between us. However, two days before I was to go back hom, he wanted to slit up with me. We were talking and joking in bed and out of the blue, he said he wanted a break up. His reason being was that he had lots of emotional problem to deal with ( from his troubled childhood and breakdown of his marriage) and that he cant have any emotional attachment to anyone while he sorts out his problems. I was confused and couldnt understand why he would wanted a break up. The night before we were making long term plans for our future and the next day, he cant be with me anymore. How does one understand and accept it? I cut short my trip and went back homE . Before I went hom, i told him i would wait for him no matter how long he takes to sort out his problems.It has been two weeks now and he hasn't contacted me at all. He doesn't reply to my emails or to my calls. It seems that he has completely written me off his life. Last I heard was that he had overdose on Valium and he is seeing a psychologist now. During those times that I managed to contact him. I asked him if he still loves me, he said yes but he also said it is not the kind of love that I need and he might want to be alone after he has finished sorting out his problems. He is my first boyfriend and the first guy that I slept with. Maybe that's why i am having such difficulty letting go. I know I still want to wait for him but does he want me to wait? what is he saying ?