Butterflying Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Stewart, my co-worker, flirts with a lot of women at work and they're all okay with it. Everybody's friends. My friend Cathy was eager to introduce me to Stewart because he's like the most popular guy at work. When I met Stewart for the first time, he flirted with me. I flirted with him because I didn't want to be to odd since everyone else flirts with him. Everything was fine until a few days later, Stewart asked me out on a date and wanted my phone number. It was awkward for me because I am ABSOLUTELY NOT attracted to him in any way. I kindly told him that I don't give my number out unless it's close friends, or family. I didn't know how to say no without making him feel rejected. Then he offered me his number and asked me to call him. I took his number, but I told him that I really don't talk on the phone much. A few weeks have passed and I haven't called him. He must be bothered by it because he no longer speaks to me at work anymore. It's very obvious because he invited everyone at work to his superbowl party except me. And a few of us were having lunch today. Everytime I said something, Stewart made fun of me as though I were stupid. And he talked over me alot. In the past, he only did that to people he didn't like. So our co-workers were looking at me like 'what's going on with you and Stewart. Why is he treating you so cold?' I just want to know, how can I flirt with a man without him wanting to date me and take things to another level? The reason I hate flirting is that it always seems to LEAD to something. For me, it never reamains just flirting. When I flirt, the man wants more. If I say no, the friendship is ruined. If I say yes, I'll end up dating someone I don't like. And if I don't flirt, people will think I'm anti-social. Sometimes, they get offended and remind me that they are only being "friendly" when I ask them not to flirt with me. Either way, it's a no win situation unless I do whatever they want me to do. Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 First of all...you don't have to flirt w/ people. People thinking you're anti-social probably has more to do w/ your reaction to their flirting, rather than reciprocation of it. Learn to recognize when someone is flirting w/ you and play it off lightly...w/ a roll of the eyes and a smile or something like that, that way, you will be light hearted about it, be able to see that it is just harmless friendly flirting, and don't have to return it if you don't want to. Now if you want to flirt, remember the #1 rule to harmless friendly flirting = never flirt w/ anyone who will take you seriously. Some of my own guidelines for flirting...because I would never want to be taken seriously either....flirt w/ people in passing. i.e. you're on the subway and someone catches your eye...flirt a little as you're leaving. You'll make his/her day and there's no way for them to take you seriously and ask you out. You'll never see that person again. In situations a little more personal...like at work or school where you may run into someone again...you need to take a look at the other person's personality....do they flirt w/ just you (in which case, they'll probably take you seriously) or do they flirt w/ everyone they talk to? In the latter situation, it's probably safe to flirt back because the person is used to joking around and not being taken seriously. One exception would be if the person is just desperate and trying to pick up anyone they talk to....best not to flirt w/ this person, hehe....however, if they do end up asking you out...you could still take it lightly and turn it around as a joke, saying that they just flirt w/ everyone and can't really be serious, that way, rejection is a little less harsh Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 I totally understand... Don't flirt unless I want to. And only flirt with people who won't take me seriously. When someone flirts with me, just roll my eyes and play it off. Well, actually, I have done the roll my eyes thing before. I'll say something like, "You're soooo silly." And then I continue with whatever I was doing and walk away. I thought I was playing it off pretty well. Not being too objective, or receptive. When I do this, they flirt with me more aggressively because they think I'm just being "hard to get." Link to post Share on other sites
ThatOneGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 If you want to let a guy down easy without hurting his pride just say "I kinda have this thing going on with another guy right now... it's complecated." Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Regardless of the details about flirting you certainly did the right thing by not going out with him. He is really acting like a jerk to you. I think sometimes a woman does good to play a little hard to get right up front with a guy so she can see if he can handle rejection. Not saying that should be the norm but the bottom line is you are not attracted to him so you didn`t beat around the bush. If he was a man he would have treated you no differently after he asked you out. He probably thinks you were leading him on with the flirting you did. So, the rule is careful with the flirting with someone you like and just don`t flirt with someone you don`t like. It only invites trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts