basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I am wondering what people think about men and women being just friends? Do you think it is possible to just be friends? Do you think there is always an attraction between the two or one for the other? If your SO had friends mostly of the opposite sex would it bother you? I have heard that men and women can never JUST be friends. One or the other wishes they could actually have that person as more.. Do you believe this? I have been told to be careful with men who say they have mostly female friends. Is there a alterier motive in those relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Men and women can be just friends if both parties are not physically attracted to each other or if they have made the decision that they will be only friends. If there is any interest by any partner for more than friendship then the friendship is doomed to acquaintances or less. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Men and women can be just friends if both parties are not physically attracted to each other or if they have made the decision that they will be only friends. If there is any interest by any partner for more than friendship then the friendship is doomed to acquaintances or less. But for men and women to meet isnt there typically a initial physical attraction to begin with? I guess I would fear if there was an attraction that it could be rekindled in the future if they remain in contact even if one or both are involved in other relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I have a close friend at work who is a female and while she is attractive I never really gave much thought to taking it beyond friendship so it is possible. Also what about bisexual people? Can they not have any friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 I have a close friend at work who is a female and while she is attractive I never really gave much thought to taking it beyond friendship so it is possible. Also what about bisexual people? Can they not have any friends? Would/Do you go out for a beer with her on occassion and talk on the phone every couple weeks to catch up on whats happening in your lives? I suppose Bisexual people would be in this too. We all have feelings about our SO having friends that could be potential lovers. I'm straight so for me my focus is whether or not is it safe for my man to have female friends. Can their friendships be purely friendship with no other benefits.. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Would/Do you go out for a beer with her on occassion and talk on the phone every couple weeks to catch up on whats happening in your lives? I suppose Bisexual people would be in this too. We all have feelings about our SO having friends that could be potential lovers. I'm straight so for me my focus is whether or not is it safe for my man to have female friends. Can their friendships be purely friendship with no other benefits.. We hang out together quite a bit and now that both of us are in relationships we invite bring the SOs along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 We hang out together quite a bit and now that both of us are in relationships we invite bring the SOs along. I've never had a man who was just a friend.. There has ALWAYS been a attraction.. Because of this I question whether it is possible to be JUST friends with the opposite sex. Charlie has a lot of female friends and I am a little uncomfortable with it because I've never had to deal with anything like this before. I am only trying to understand it before I jump to conclusions and make complete assumptions. He wants me to meet them. There is one in particular that he talks of and he says that she and I are so much a like. He thinks she and I could be great friends. My thoughts are if we are so much a like then why isn't he with her since he met her first. He told me that when they met she was still getting over her ex and he was still getting over a break up with his ex. They weren't ready to move on. He said they kissed and that was it. He said they are only friends now and that is where it is. He said I am making more out of it then necessary and I have nothing to worry about. He said I am cuter then she is.. So I am curious about freindships with the opposite sex..Is it truly possible. I am hesitant to meet her. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 In MY humble opinion......NO!!! Merely speaking from personal experience I am not/would not be comfortable with my guy having many female friends...he feels the same about me having male friends. I think in a way it's a personal thing.....but looking at lots of situations of "OW/OM" (mine included) this can be how they start. Lots will be apt to disagree but IMHO being friends with the opposite sex isn't usually successful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 In MY humble opinion......NO!!! Merely speaking from personal experience I am not/would not be comfortable with my guy having many female friends...he feels the same about me having male friends. I think in a way it's a personal thing.....but looking at lots of situations of "OW/OM" (mine included) this can be how they start. Lots will be apt to disagree but IMHO being friends with the opposite sex isn't usually successful. I'm thinking a lot like you do.. I feel the same why.. I think by being friends with the opposite sex is only temptation and flirting with disaster. Even if you arent physically attracted to the friend there could still be a moment of sexual weakness. This happened to me with a former coworker. My marriage was a nitemare. This man befriended me, His marriage was a trainwreck, and even though I wasnt immediatly physically attracted to him it did develope and things happened.. Which I have to live with.. Compassion, high emotions, confusion, kindness, listening ear, understanding confirmations will make you weak when you are down. This is why I am leaning to the NO.. I still want to hear more opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 If he's not going to give up the friendship with that woman then if I were you I'd make sure to meet her. It's a good sign that he wants you to get to know her. If it were not innocent then I doubt he'd want you both to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I welcome mature male friendships, because I appreciate their perspectives on life. BUT...who is better at keeping sex out of a platonic relationship? Men or Women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 If he's not going to give up the friendship with that woman then if I were you I'd make sure to meet her. It's a good sign that he wants you to get to know her. If it were not innocent then I doubt he'd want you both to meet. What about the saying "keep your friends close but your enemy's closer' Couldn't that go kind in the same hand if he wants me and wants her he can have his cake and eat it too. Ex: She and he have a thing going. But no commitments she is willing to allow him to have his serious relationship(with me) as long as she gets him as a booty call when she wants it.. He introduces me to her so I think we are just friends but its a coverup to the truth. She appears to be both our friend yet she is sleeping with him behind my back.. He is getting two women and one doesn't know he is also involved with her.. (my GOD-- I think I watch to many soap opera's!!!) I think paranoid skitz is stepping in. :lmao: I don't believe Charlie is doing this to me honestly.. I don't see him as being this type of man. But I have met men who seem to be this type and I have stayed far away. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I'm thinking a lot like you do.. I feel the same why.. I think by being friends with the opposite sex is only temptation and flirting with disaster. Even if you arent physically attracted to the friend there could still be a moment of sexual weakness. This happened to me with a former coworker. My marriage was a nitemare. This man befriended me, His marriage was a trainwreck, and even though I wasnt immediatly physically attracted to him it did develope and things happened.. Which I have to live with.. Compassion, high emotions, confusion, kindness, listening ear, understanding confirmations will make you weak when you are down. This is why I am leaning to the NO.. I still want to hear more opinions. Similar situation with me....I had ended my relationship with my ex (turned current again) and was single and began working with/for someone 15 years my senior who was/is in an awful marriage of convience.....in no way was I attracted to him physically but the emotional connection began, became stronger and though I'm totally against being an "OW" I found myself in that position at one point. I have since ended it but am very much still in love with him. Anyway I agree it is a good sign if he wants you to meet her but I was around my ex "MM's" wife a LOT but (I'm not proud) it didn't stop what happened. Anyway in some cases though I'm sure it must be possible. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I am wondering what people think about men and women being just friends? i don't think much of it personally....you know my stance on this issue. Do you think it is possible to just be friends? no, aquaintances maybe...but not real, true buddies. Do you think there is always an attraction between the two or one for the other? usually, but not always If your SO had friends mostly of the opposite sex would it bother you? probably...if they were all exes then it would definitely bother me. I have heard that men and women can never JUST be friends. One or the other wishes they could actually have that person as more.. Do you believe this? yes, I do because I've experienced it many times in real life. I have been told to be careful with men who say they have mostly female friends. i would agree cause they are either gay or have a hard time finding women for romantic relationships (for whatever reason). men who are real men don't hang out with a bunch of females who are "just friends". Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 What about the saying "keep your friends close but your enemy's closer' Couldn't that go kind in the same hand if he wants me and wants her he can have his cake and eat it too. Ex: She and he have a thing going. But no commitments she is willing to allow him to have his serious relationship(with me) as long as she gets him as a booty call when she wants it.. He introduces me to her so I think we are just friends but its a coverup to the truth. She appears to be both our friend yet she is sleeping with him behind my back.. He is getting two women and one doesn't know he is also involved with her.. (my GOD-- I think I watch to many soap opera's!!!) I think paranoid skitz is stepping in. :lmao: I don't believe Charlie is doing this to me honestly.. I don't see him as being this type of man. But I have met men who seem to be this type and I have stayed far away. Have you told him this makes you uncomfortable? Has he reassured you about this friendship? Because that's all you can do. You can't control anything else about this. And I really don't believe that he would go through all that trouble of having you meet her just so he can use that as a coverup. I really don't. You just have to decide whether you can trust him or not. If you don't feel that you can then he is not the man for you. Go ahead and meet her and watch their interaction. You're smart and you'll know or pick up on anything that's not right there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thanks for your feedback. Your response is just what I thought you would say if you commented. I have a male (Xfwb) associate that thinks very much like you do. I tend to weight on your beliefs as more factual. You stated: i would agree cause they are either gay or have a hard time finding women for romantic relationships (for whatever reason). men who are real men don't hang out with a bunch of females who are "just friends". I wonder if the part of finding a romantic relationship has much weight with Charlie. I highly doubt he is gay. As for him have female friends. He is the 'nice' guy. He isn't the 'bad boy' type in majority. He is laid back, easy going, polite with some sarcasm, he is attentive, uses manners. Maybe he appears as too much of a nice guy that the females put him in the friendship catagory often. This could be why he hasn't had a lot of gfs. He married his XW 6 months after they started dating (she was pg), they were married for 13 1/2 yrs, then his last GF was off and on several times for 3 years, then comes me... He has met a few women between his breakups with Xgf but none of them lasted much over a month on average. He and I are almost 4 months now and its going very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Have you told him this makes you uncomfortable? Yes I have. Has he reassured you about this friendship? Yes, he tells me not to read into it. He says I over analyze things to much and to relax. You just have to decide whether you can trust him or not. I do trust him to the most part. I think its just my assorted past that haunts me. I am on guard and cautious because of my past experiences. If I sincerely felt I couldn't trust him I would be all wacko on him and pushing on him till he cracked or did something stupid. Go ahead and meet her and watch their interaction. You're smart and you'll know or pick up on anything that's not right there. I know I will eventually meet her. Just like everyone else. Including the Xgf and Xw eventually. The Xgf is the one that is scarry. She is not mentally or emotionally stable. I can see her coming after me with a steak nife sitting at a nice table in a resturant. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 My fiance has plenty of male friends that date back to her childhood and teenage years so I would be wrong to tell her to drop them just because of my insecurities. I trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 I'm getting the feeling that friends with the opposite sex constitute different levels in this thread.. When I say friends I am referring to friends you hang out with at a bar (once a week or every two weeks) and kick back a few beers, you talk on the phone (weekly) about whats going on in each others lives. Someone whom you can talk to about most things openly.. Not where you hang out at each others home or go shopping together. Is this the kind of freindship that would make you uncomfortable?? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I'm getting the feeling that friends with the opposite sex constitute different levels in this thread.. one should be wary of people who state that they "get along better" with the opposite sex or who have mainly "friends" of the oppositie sex. this is a major red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 one should be wary of people who state that they "get along better" with the opposite sex or who have mainly "friends" of the oppositie sex. this is a major red flag. Actually the fact that she gets along better with men is a plus to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 one should be wary of people who state that they "get along better" with the opposite sex or who have mainly "friends" of the oppositie sex. this is a major red flag. I'd like to hear your reasoning on this. Could you please elaborate. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Actually the fact that she gets along better with men is a plus to me. one of those men with whom she "gets along better with" may eventually replace you WOGGLE Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 one of those men with whom she "gets along better with" may eventually replace you WOGGLE Nah I doubt it. She just can't stand other women for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 one of those men with whom she "gets along better with" may eventually replace you WOGGLE This answers my question .. Link to post Share on other sites
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