She Loves Me and Wants to Marry but wants 3 Months of Wild Time out with the Girls

[jcmartin86]

i see that now, weird

[WindDrifter]

JustaGirlie what do you think?

 

Any wise words anyone? i need help.

[justagirliegirl]

Hiya! I'll read through the other threads and post on it later. Time for lunch. can't think on an empty stomach.

[UT_longhorn]

winddrifter...NC for 3 months and see how you feel. i know she said a couple months...but give it 3. see how you feel then.

 

remember ... you have to clear the emotions out of your head before you can make rational decisions.

[WindDrifter]

UT - "Clear the emotions" do you mean not be in love with her?

 

I keep thinking that by doing NC I am helping her get over me and move on. But then I say well if she does then she doesn't want me. If she does then she will come back.

 

I don't even know if I will last a month. I might send her a txt after a month.

 

Ahh .. I went out clubbing Thursday and Friday and there were all of these girls that I look at sorta enjoying my new freedom but the only person I would think of is Amanda. I even started to see why someone would want some wild time before settling down. Just knowing this is it for good then makes me make the most of it and get it out of my system. I still don't feel comfortable kissing others when more than likely she will and it hurts thinking about it but I can's. A part of me wants to remember she doesn't want me but I still want to be in love with her just in case we get back together in a month or two. But being in love with her doesn't mean I will be myself I then feel I am still in a relationship meanwhile she won't feel this so then I beat myself up again.

 

Ohh well I will just have to see how I feel.

 

Thanks.

WD

[UT_longhorn]

winddrifter...im not saying until you fall out of love with her..because i don't think true love dies that quickly...but i am saying three months because it accomplishes 2 things...it helps you purge the crazy emotional feelings that you have now. the intense longing, the irrational thinking, etc. i know you might think that you are thinking straight right now...but you will see things in a different light with some time behind you.

 

the second thing that the time does is to let your ex have some space. she will most likely be excited to have the space initially. fun fun!!! but im gonna guess that the initial pleasure doesn't last. this space will then give her the chance to reconsider. BUT ... if her final decision is to be apart...i don't think there is anything that can be done to reconcile at that point.

 

just work on NC for now. take it day by day. after 3 months...i think you will be in a completely different state of mind and be able to make more rational decisions.

[WindDrifter]

Quick Update!

 

After spending the day at the beach I was woken up this morning by a text message from Amanda. It was from her telling me that one of her friends that we both know what friends with someone who was raped and murdered recently in melbourne. I called her and she asked me if I wanted to come to lunch with her to catch up with our distraught friend which I did as this was bigger than us.

 

Well we say each other and just hugged sorta talked about our weekend but we were still in shock. After lunch with the friend we looked for some sexy costumes for the bedroom and she talked about how much she missed me and is starting to realise how much she wants me more than the single life of kissing boys or going out and being wild. We ended making out and having a nap together. She was a little weird as this isn't how she pictured us getting back together. I think she really has an issue when things don't go as planned. I could sense she was funny not only about us but learning about the friend and it was pretty hard on her emotionaly so I said well should we wait another week and see how we go then she is like maybe .. but then she says why wait.. she then just asked for a day.

 

So she will call me tomorrow and I will see. I am hopefully but just scared from her reactions. I did ask her what if we hadn't of met up and she said she would have tried to last until thursday and then come and get back together.

 

A small part of me wished we had done that but i guess we had no control of what happened. It weird I feel better but i think I am guarding myself until she really comes back to me and I am not getting that excited until it really happens.

 

Thanks all!

WD

[WindDrifter]

Well I sent her a text message before she called just saying with everything that has been going on maybe she should take a couple days and ever a week or two to think things through. Seh then replied saying Thanks and that she is feeling better about us getting back together and she was just overwhelmed yesterday with everything and only having 3 hours sleep. She also says we have a lot to talk about ... to be honest I thought we have talked about everything but I suppose its good to clear the air. She also said even though she is missing me like crazy she just wants a couple days to think things through and then maybe we can meet up for dinner and talk. She also said she wanted me to think about what I wanted from her, myself and from us which is good because to be in a relationship I believe we always change and want different things and that needs to be communicated so each person understands.

 

Well I guess I am so behind on my studies that now I have a couple days and I feel better about where we are. I am trying not to get my hopes up , just in case, but it looks like we might be getting back together.

 

I guess a small part of me is just worried that it is too soon and she still has doubts about whether we are meant to be together for the long haul but all I told her is that I need to know she loves me, trusts me and wants to be with only me. We aren't getting married tomorrow and we still have a lot of time.

 

Wow what a complete rollacoaster or emotions!

 

Any advice anyone?

 

Cheers,

WD

[WindDrifter]

Well I know its only been a couple days and hopefully only a couple more but I wish I could email her or talk to her to just be there with her.

 

I really do hate the waiting. The part you have to resist what comes naturally to talk and contact her. I wish this could all be over and we could just be like we were.

 

I am looking forward to having dinner with her hopefully this weekend and I will see how things go.

 

I love her so much.

 

Yikes.

WD

[WindDrifter]

Well Some Good News!

 

Last night after thinking I might be lucky if she contacts me on Friday or Saturday she sent me a text saying "Are you home?" to which i replied "Yes Why?" and she replied "I am at your house". I was so happy. She couldn't stay for long as she had to move tomorrow back in with her parents but we talked a little and hugged. She is quite busy this week and i have a lot of study to catch up but she called me this morning and might come and stay over! I can't wait to snuggle again! We even ordered a catholic school girl uniform which we will put to good use! She is a nurse so thats the next one on the shopping list

 

Thanks again for all your support. I must admit even though we got back together i just feel so much more in control after doing No contact as I know she really wants me and its not just in my head.

 

At the moment we aren't thinking about marriage even though thats what she said she wanted before the break as it really still scares her and she just doesn't know if I am the one but I told her that I don't need marriage either and all I want is someone to love me, trust me and only want to be with me. She told me that she loved me and trusts me and only wants me which is good enough for me. I told her lets just see how things go.

 

We both can't promise we will be together forever but we will just be honest with each other about our feelings as we always have been.

 

She did mention that the thought of marriage was really scary to her and that she feels too young but to be honest I never asked her to marry me she just got caught up in the fact that since we are together now we will get married and am i the one. She made things bigger than they were. I just want to be happy and I am happy with her. I am just looking forward to living life with her! She did say that she was totally miserable the whole time and couldn't do anything and she just realised what was the point of forcing something to end that you want and are happy with. She said the best thing I could have done was cut her off and break up with her and give her the space she needed.

 

So the moral of the story as cliched as it is "If you love them... set them free". As hard as it is if they don't come back it is better for the both of you!

 

Thanks again,

WD