4th date: Flowers too much? (Honest good-guy wants to know!)

[Gator762]

Are flowers on the 4th date too much?

 

Here's the deal:

I've known her well over a year. We were casual friends, as I was married. But there was always a strong mutual attraction between us. My coworkers would even call her my girlfriend.

We met out and talked together about my separation, which helped me a lot through the process. She was/is truly a great friend, and she'll probably never know how much being there helped. I thanked her, and gave her a small but thoughtful late Christmas gift, on our first date - at least I also think she took it for a date that night.

 

I was worried about being in the 'friend zone' until for our second coffee date she said she would rather go out and see a movie. She seemed a bit surprised at the move for a goodnight kiss, but then leaned in and let me kiss her on the cheek.

 

On the third date she invited me to a party, and introduced me to some of her friends - a good sign I think. We seemed to hit it off pretty well. She also seemed to welcome the goodnight kiss, but again on the cheek. However, she is also a bit traditional and somewhat shy, so who knows. I do like that she is this way, it just attracts me more to her. Establishing the emotional connection is what I care about, not just getting into her pants. But to get back on track, during the party, she asked if my ex had called. She didn't and I told her she hasn't bothered me. She asked if I talked to her, or how I was doing, and I told her I was doing well. I said I had other interests, when she asked what those were, I just gave her a wink.

 

She is more traditional than other women I have dated, so I don't know how to handle it. My regular instincts are to not push too much, as there needs to be some element of chase in the game. But also at the party I am quite popular with many of the women there, and she probably noticed it. But I always gave her my attention. I want her to know when I said I have 'other interests' she knows it is her. Would flowers be too much letting her know where I want to go with the relationship?

(I took those personality tests, and I really am a romantic at heart!).

 

I've met other women, but I just haven't come across one that I enjoy being with so much in a long time, and don't want to blow it!

[Art_Critic]

No flowers are not too much for a 4th date.. as long as they are tasteful and not too expensive.. and no roses..

[Gator762]

Guess I gotta go to the flower shop to also get some advice... Was thinking the same thing on the not too expensive part, since we have only been dating about three weeks.

Not to mention Valentine's day is coming up, if all goes well.

 

Sorry it's so long, but any womanly advice out there?

[alphamale]

She also seemed to welcome the goodnight kiss, but again on the cheek.

I would be more worried about the kiss part than getting flowers...but yes, i guess you can get flwrs for her but keep them simple. No $100 bouquets.

[Gator762]

I would be more worried about the kiss part than getting flowers...but yes, i guess you can get flwrs for her but keep them simple. No $100 bouquets.

 

Yeah, I do wonder about that part... There are just too many factors too tell. She is a bit shy and traditional, and she has also asked about my separation, and if the ex has bothered me. She also got out of a relationship, but a while ago.

 

I'm thinking a small arrangement... And a little note, something to the effect of our friendship evolving into something more.

[RainyDayWoman]

skip the note. words are made to be read into.

 

she'll catch your drift from the flowers alone.

[cezanne]

Do you plan to bring the flowers with you on the date? .. ...

 

If you are not sure about the flowers why risk it? ...You would know in your heart and soul if it was the right time ? .. You have nothing to lose by not bringing flowers but from my own point of view it would freak me a little ..if I was totally madly in love I would be delighted but if I was still at the getting to know you stage it would make me feel overwhelmed ... One thing women do love are men to remember dates .... so you could send her flowers on a one month anniversary if you like with the same note ....

[Gator762]

Do you plan to bring the flowers with you on the date? .. ...

 

If you are not sure about the flowers why risk it? ...You would know in your heart and soul if it was the right time ? .. You have nothing to lose by not bringing flowers but from my own point of view it would freak me a little ..if I was totally madly in love I would be delighted but if I was still at the getting to know you stage it would make me feel overwhelmed ... One thing women do love are men to remember dates .... so you could send her flowers on a one month anniversary if you like with the same note ....

 

Hmm... I was planning on bringing them to the date, but perhaps not after reading your post. We still are at the getting to know you stage, at least on a much deeper level - we were casual friends.

 

She used to be VERY attracted to me. But now, there are many factors which could make her hesitant. (Not sure if I am over ex a biggie I'm sure - the question came up more than once).

 

The one month flower anniversary sounds like a good idea. Any other subtle (or not so subtle?) way to insure that she knows that she is what I'm interested in? I'm probably thinking about it too much, but at the party many women I also know stopped by and said hello. I'm not a ho, but I gotta admit I'm a bit of a flirt!

[Becoming]

Woman who loves flowers here: Why not ask the florist to make up a little nosegay--just a little bouquet of daisies, violets, or something little she can put in a small vase before you go.

 

The small bouquet doesn't overwhelm and yet is thoughtful. Your florist will know what a nosegay is. Explain the situation to them.

 

No note. Say how you're feeling, what your hopes are in words, but tell her you understand she may not want the same, and you'll back off if that's what she wants.

 

Being nice, thoughtful, and honest is never out of fashion.

[Gator762]

Nice input becoming. I'm not sure how many women don't like flowers!

 

The nosegay sounds like a good idea. If I do that, I'll definately skip the note. I don't want to rush this relationship, but I definately want it to turn into something more.

 

Any more input out there?

[kitkat.]

You can show a genuine and flattering interest by remembering things she has told you about her life. Its thoughtful and shows a connection there in a way which can be more seductive than flowers...For instance, if she'd mentioned family when you were chatting you could remember something she'd said about how they were doing and ask for an update.? She's still got you kissing on the cheek so take it slow.

[jerbear]

You can show a genuine and flattering interest by remembering things she has told you about her life. Its thoughtful and shows a connection there in a way which can be more seductive than flowers...For instance, if she'd mentioned family when you were chatting you could remember something she'd said about how they were doing and ask for an update.? She's still got you kissing on the cheek so take it slow.

 

Very true.

 

4th date, shy and conservative... I'll say go for the flowers, drop the note, keep the flowers friendly, not expensive. Do you anything about the flowers she likes? fressias, daisys, lillies, no pansies.. etc..

[Becoming]

Very true.

 

4th date, shy and conservative... I'll say go for the flowers, drop the note, keep the flowers friendly, not expensive. Do you anything about the flowers she likes? fressias, daisys, lillies, no pansies.. etc..

 

 

Ah, yes, good, jerbear--what flowers does she like? If you know, those would be good. Nothing too effusive.

 

And let us know how things go, ok?

[jerbear]

Beyond this, when the time comes for the roses... there are different color roses. I personally prefer purple.