sick of it Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Ive been strict NC for over 1 month. i havent seen her since september. weve been broken up since May...officially since August. She IMed me on my birthday in december wishing me a good one and that she was thinking of me, that she wanted to call me but didnt want to make anything awkward for me on my "special day". when she called, i forced myself not to answer. she didnt leave a voicemail. i then blocked her from my IM seeing that that 1 message made me go into a tail spin. i havent looked at her myspace or unblocked her or called or anything. i havent asked about her. i know shes been seeing someone since september. i still think about her everyday. i havent been able to get interested in anyone else. when do i unblock her? i want to, but i dont know if i should. i dont want to IM her but i want her to see me online. i want her to wonder about me. i know its a way to open contact without actually contacting her. our would be 6 yr anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. im curious to know if she would contact me (she contacted me on an important date a few months ago). is this a bad idea? Link to post Share on other sites
jonny87 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I'd say it's a bad idea because you clearly want to talk to her, but don't seem to be in any condition to. If she really wants to contact you she'll call you. And if she has anything she thinks is important enough to say to you, and respects you enough, then she'll leave a message if you don't pick up. In the meantime, forget about her dude. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 is this a bad idea? yes, if she is seeing someone else, well don't unblock her. If she really wants to contact you, she will pick up the phone or send email. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 If you were with this chick for 5 or so years, I guarantee she wouldnt have to see you online to remember you. Dont look for excuses to talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sick of it Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 i thank you. i had come to the same conclusion, i just needed to hear it from other people. i would say its pretty obvious that i blocked her. i am on all the time, and now to her i am not. isnt blocking her another way of showing her that im not over it (which is true). i thought you didnt want to show them that. because it gives them the power. like i said, i would take her off my buddy list. i still wouldnt know what shes doing, nor would i initiate a conversation. but it would show her that Im alive. the question becomes, "why does she need to know youre alive?" (im thinking out loud). i fully plan on speaking with her again at some point. i feel that, though blocking her may have been necessary for my own sanity, it seems immature. and if it seems immature to me, i can only imagine how it looks to her. "why does that matter?" i dont know. i know (more now like knew) her better than anyone in the world. i have no idea about anything about her now and out of principle that seems wrong. i havent found anyone to take her place, not as a lover but as a confidant, a best friend. i shouldnt trust her after how she left me...and yet shes the only person ive ever fully trusted. anyway....i wont unblock her yet. i do still worry and care about her though she doesnt deserve/ want it. i cant just shut those feelings off. i would like to talk to her again at some point (and because she made the last attempt, im assuming its my responsibility to reach out now), i just dont know when. Link to post Share on other sites
Tender Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I separated 6 months ago, after a 7 year relationship and 4 year marriage. We have been divorced for 2 months, neither of us has let go. Last night, I decided to implement a plan: 1st 10 days - I will not see him 2nd 10 days - I will not see him or take his calls 3rd 10 days - I will not see him, take his calls or chat with him, he will be blocked and removed 4th 10 days - I will not see him, take his calls, chat, or e-mail him Then I will be free. It will take me another 40 days. Do you really want to go back there? She thinks about you, she always will. But do you think she will ever make you a priority, or put you first in her life. Probably not - or you would still be together. Don't do it. Let it go. I am trying so hard not to "use" someone to help me get through this - that is why I have turned to this forum. I need to do this for myself - to feel 100% recovered. Good Luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 never unblock her never speak to her again Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 NC is a good way to regroup, refocus, and method to heal. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 What's your goal here? Forget her completely or reconcile? Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 never unblock her never speak to her again Agreed..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sick of it Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 im never going to forget her completely. if by reconcile you mean be able to talk, share memories, be friends then yes. thats the goal. if by reconcile you mean get back together...i would entertain the idea, but it would have to be her who initiates it. im just looking for my best friend again. i dont have one anymore...and though that sounds sad and pathetic, i miss the person that knows everything about me. Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 im never going to forget her completely. if by reconcile you mean be able to talk, share memories, be friends then yes. thats the goal. if by reconcile you mean get back together...i would entertain the idea, but it would have to be her who initiates it. im just looking for my best friend again. i dont have one anymore...and though that sounds sad and pathetic, i miss the person that knows everything about me. I lost my best friend too. And I'm still lost w/o him. No one expects you to forget about her. She was a significant part of your life. But, you do need to "let go" and "move on". If you two are to be friends in the future, there has to be an extended period of no contact, at the very least. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 im never going to forget her completely. if by reconcile you mean be able to talk, share memories, be friends then yes. thats the goal. if by reconcile you mean get back together...i would entertain the idea, but it would have to be her who initiates it. im just looking for my best friend again. i dont have one anymore...and though that sounds sad and pathetic, i miss the person that knows everything about me. I would have to suggest CaliGuy's postings on NC. If you have romantic feelings for her then NC and friendship would not last to long. I've been down that road before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sick of it Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 i wont unblock her. i thank everyone for there advice. im guessing the more i think about it, the longer it will take for me to really move on. my concern is that unblocking her becomes an event. down the road if and when im completely over her, it will be a significant moment when i can click "unblock buddy" and im sure feelings will come back or something. my only argument is to do it now and never worry about it again. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Delete your user name and get a new one. Just tell your friends what the new name is. Its so easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 i wont unblock her. i thank everyone for there advice. im guessing the more i think about it, the longer it will take for me to really move on. my concern is that unblocking her becomes an event. down the road if and when im completely over her, it will be a significant moment when i can click "unblock buddy" and im sure feelings will come back or something. my only argument is to do it now and never worry about it again. why not block and then delete her ? that way she is blocked and she is not in your list of buddies to have to look at Link to post Share on other sites
Jgirlgirl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Don't do it! You'll only set yourself up for a relapse. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be with another guy. She'd tell you she wanted to be with you. Don't fool yourself like I did, it's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sick of it Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 why not block and then delete her ? that way she is blocked and she is not in your list of buddies to have to look at She is already out of my life (physically, not mentally). i can keep her blocked, thats not the issue. The issue is pretty much WHEN to UNblock her. like i said, eventually, i would like to talk to her again. Ive been extremely serious about NC for over a month, moved away from the area for school, havent asked about her in god knows how long. Like i said, she was the one to last contact me in Decemeber. She then called again on my birthday but i didnt pick up (big step). I dont plan on initiating contact again....i think im curious to know if she would contact me. Maybe a phone call would be too awkward and an IM is a good starting point. I really dont know. I would not IM her nor check on her. I would still delete her from my list but she would see when im on. I know the more i try to explain it, the more i seem desperate to talk to her...but thats not the case. Does anyone see where im coming from? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I would still delete her from my list but she would see when im on. If you block then delete they are blocked period.. they cannot see when you get on.. I think you are impeding your healing by hanging onto her IM ID in your list.. You can always add her back or unblock her and add her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sick of it Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 You can always add her back or unblock her and add her back. Thats the question!...when to do that. When to unblock her or add her back. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thats the question!...when to do that. When to unblock her or add her back. For the sake of arguement, if you need a time frame. Add 2-7 days to when you wanted to unblock her. If you said today, do it before the end of next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thats the question!...when to do that. When to unblock her or add her back. you need to delete her first... heal completly and stop worrying about when to contact her.. do you think she is worried about when to contact you ??? Link to post Share on other sites
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