Alone

[whichwayisup]

Sometimes when people when they're down they lash out abit, especially if depression is mixed into the equation so ya, she is going to take things the wrong way and out of context. GIVE Jen a break!

 

This guy just pushed her over the edge and things have spiralled down from there. Making her feel defensive isn't helping. Why attack someone when they're at their worst? Tough love is one thing, cuz there is love and care involved...But making her feel worse isn't doing any good.

 

Maybe it's because this is online...People forget that REAL feelings are being felt and there is really is an ALIVE person writing those words.

 

Jen, I'm giving you another hug cuz you need one. Chalk today up to a real bad day and hopefully tomorrow you'll feel abit better.

[SmoochieFace]

someone with severe clinical depression would be hard pressed to be at a computer posting on LS.

 

For once, I actually agree with Alpha.

[Becoming]

There are many degrees of depression. The one Alpha and BOt described are about as extreme as it gets. Just because a person can still reach out via internet doesn't mean the depression isn't extreme or real. You're minimizing another's pain, which is tantamount to scoffing at the crucifixion in my book, and not ok, no matter how well-intentioned you might be.

 

If you need the attention of commenting on someone's pain, become extreme sports announcers. Meanwhile, boys, just take it outside.

 

Jen, block SF and Alpha and anyone else whose words hurt rather than help.

 

Have you called the dr. yet?

[alphamale]

Jen, block SF and Alpha and anyone else whose words hurt rather than help.

...sometimes the words that hurt are the most helpful of all, in retrospect.

[whichwayisup]

...sometimes the words that hurt are the most helpful of all, in retrospect.

 

Yes, I agree with you alpha, but she may not be ready to hear them, or welcome them. Timing is everything...And right now the timing is off.

[Lil Honey]

If I may . . . and then I'll be gone . . .

 

IMHO, getting someone to look at the REAL reason that another person has them dispondent IS a way of helping them. Telling someone to pick themselves up IS also a way of helping.

 

Just as there are varying degrees of depression, there are also varying ways to help. One way may not help but another will. Jen may need some TLC or she may need someone to give her a push OR she might need a bit of both.

 

BUT what she DOES need is to call a doctor or helpline. If she is more comfy online, then I'm sure that there are qualified sites for her as well.

[SmoochieFace]

IMHO, getting someone to look at the REAL reason that another person has them dispondent IS a way of helping them. Telling someone to pick themselves up IS also a way of helping.

 

Not according to this bunch. They seem to be more concerned about *how* things are said instead of *what* is being said.

 

Then again, some people can't handle the *tough* approach. My XW couldn't handle the Marines - she dropped out after only six weeks of boot camp. Too much yelling and screaming in her face for her - and she completely missed the point of it. It wasn't to make her feel any less of a person - rather it was to build up her confidence and mental endurance. It's a shame some people take things the wrong way. Just wasn't cut out for it, I suppose.

[witabix]

One last thing Jen, an insight I got from my brothers years later.

 

People withdraw from you in this kind of situation because they are afraid. Afraid for you. Afraid they will say the wrong thing. Afraid of what will happen to you.

 

My older brother, the man I was closest to at the time, said he did not know what to say to me. He could see it in my eyes, in the way I walked, talked and sat. In the way I turned away when he showed me his new guitar.

 

He knew, but also knew he was powerless to help. He seemed to me be turning away from me. He did not want me to see the pain in his eyes, the fear, and my youngest brother was the same. They talked to each other but were too afraid for me to talk to me.

 

Don't assume people have abandoned you. It is a frightening thing to see someone you care about go through.

 

Believe in yourself.

 

(To some of the other posters I have to say I am dissappointed at the way this thread is being treated. Please show some empathy and compassion)

[Lil Honey]

Well, SF everyone is different, so we need to be careful about over-generalizing.

 

At the same time, because people have different styles, none should be looked down upon, because as Alpha said, sometimes the tough way is what shakes someone into action.

 

If we all knew just what kind of style Jen wanted/needed to begin with, some of the garbage could be avoided. But we can't so, it's a crap shoot. Some will say the wrong things and some will say the right things. I'm not sure how we as outsiders can determine when the timing is right or wrong for a particular style for a particular person.

 

Hopefully, Jen will sit down and have a look at what EVERYONE has said and take some action. As long as she has things that are important to her, she is on the right path.

[blind_otter]

Not according to this bunch. They seem to be more concerned about *how* things are said instead of *what* is being said.

 

Then again, some people can't handle the *tough* approach. My XW couldn't handle the Marines - she dropped out after only six weeks of boot camp. Too much yelling and screaming in her face for her - and she completely missed the point of it. It wasn't to make her feel any less of a person - rather it was to build up her confidence and mental endurance. It's a shame some people take things the wrong way. Just wasn't cut out for it, I suppose.

 

I had a friend who killed himself 2 months ago. He shot himself full of cocaine and slashed his entire body with razors, and then had a heart attack at the age of 25 in his attic.

 

I was one of the last people he spoke with. I had harsh words for him. Get yourself together. This is just a cry for attention. You need help. Stop acting like it's the end of the world.

 

2 days later his mother found his dead body in a house so bloody they thought that he had been attacked, initially.

 

There is a right way and a wrong way to talk to a suicidal person. I know firsthad the consequences of communicating the wrong way.

[alphamale]

There is a right way and a wrong way to talk to a suicidal person. I know firsthad the consequences of communicating the wrong way.

actually b_o, there is no right way to talk with someone who is behaving and thinking irrationally due to whatever reason. many times the best thing is to say nothing when someone is in this state.

[blind_otter]

actually b_o, there is no right way to talk with someone who is behaving and thinking irrationally due to whatever reason. many times the best thing is to say nothing when someone is in this state.

 

I have had a few professors and a mentor at the mental hospital I interned at who would disagree. And a few therapists. And I disagree, respectfully.

[blind_otter]

I do not feel comfortable continuing to hyjack the OP's thread. Respectfully.

[whichwayisup]

actually b_o, there is no right way to talk with someone who is behaving and thinking irrationally due to whatever reason. many times the best thing is to say nothing when someone is in this state.

 

And online it is harder because some wording could (can) be taken out of context. That is what's been happening here.

 

Jen, we all care about you and want to see you feel better! That is the truth of it.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Sorry. I didn't know that there's a correct or wrong way for someone to feel when they are sick. The last thing I ate was a pudding cup three days ago. I don't have the energy to get out of bed, which is where I am. Showering? Why bother. Call anyone or answer the phone? Why? So they can tell me how selfish I am or how I need to snap out of it, like people here do? honestly, I don't know what the point is of reaching out to anyone. I only get rejected and more hurt each time. Sleeping pills and my bed are my only comfort, my only friend. If I could sleep forever I would.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry. I didn't know that there's a correct or wrong way for someone to feel when they are sick. The last thing I ate was a pudding cup three days ago. I don't have the energy to get out of bed, which is where I am. Showering? Why bother. Call anyone or answer the phone? Why? So they can tell me how selfish I am or how I need to snap out of it, like people here do? honestly, I don't know what the point is of reaching out to anyone. I only get rejected and more hurt each time. Sleeping pills and my bed are my only comfort, my only friend. If I could sleep forever I would.

 

Eat something Jen, you'll feel better. And don't even think of sleeping pills babe. It's not worth it.

 

DO not even listen to some of the awful words some have offered you up as advice. You know the people on LS who are genuinally trying to help you.

 

Hugs again J.

[Mz. Pixie]

Jen,

 

Like BO, I suffer from PTSD and I have been as depressed as you are before. I know how it feels. You are not alone!!

 

Please call the doctor. Please.

 

It's hard to see past the negatives but right now your life is in danger and the stuff in your apartment is not important.

[bluetuesday]

hello jen

 

most people have posted words of support and encouragement and we all want to see you get well again. but only YOU can do anything to help yourself now. we can't come round and feed you, we can't call for help for you. you have to help us out here, that's what we need.

 

if you continue to harm yourself in the way you're doing - not eating, taking so little control over your life - you're adding weight to the argument that you're not well enough to take care of yourself.

 

and if you don't take care of yourself by getting some help, when you're found as you will be found, when your mother comes round or gets worried that you don't answer the door, or when the friends you think don't care come knocking for you, the fact that you're not helping yourself will give the doctors every reason to start making decisions for you. you don't want that, and nor do we.

 

i don't think you want to die. i think you're terribly low and can't see a way out yet, but you keep reaching out and asking us for help. that's a sign of someone who wants to live, of someone who wants their life to be better.

 

please, gather up any remaining scraps of will you have and email or call someone who can help you. call a crisis helpline. if you PM me your city i'll get a number for you.

 

jen, we all feel desperate about this. you have a great life waiting for you. please accept that the only reason you can't see that is that you're not thinking straight - not that a bright future doesn't exist.

 

depression is treatable. withint a short time you could be feeling so much better. but the choice is yours. you can help yourself or harm yourself. please consider how many people, those that are posting and those merely reading in concern, care enough to be sitting in their homes across the world, praying for you to make a choice that will get you out of this.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Thank you to the supportive people here. But just like the real world, there are mean people on the net too. the world is cruel, very cruel, and that's why I just want to stay inside in my warm bed where it's safe and nobody can hurt me anymore. at least not until they take my bed out to the dumpster. I guess I must have been a really bad person in another life and that's why God gave me this one. Full of abuse, disease and pain. I really don't see any reason to keep going. Every attempt I make at forcing things to get better only brings more pain and suffering.

[Lishy]

Jen have you called the doctor yet?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I left a message with the answering service. No call back.

[bluetuesday]

Thank you to the supportive people here. But just like the real world, there are mean people on the net too. the world is cruel, very cruel, and that's why I just want to stay inside in my warm bed where it's safe and nobody can hurt me anymore. at least not until they take my bed out to the dumpster. I guess I must have been a really bad person in another life and that's why God gave me this one. Full of abuse, disease and pain. I really don't see any reason to keep going. Every attempt I make at forcing things to get better only brings more pain and suffering.

 

yeah, there are mean people all over. you can't let a meany call the shots. i'm a journalist. i piss people off for a living. some of them got together and complained on an internet site about me this week, for all the world to see, telling each other how crap i was at my job, how biased i was and that i didn't check my facts. you just gotta let other people's crap slide off you.

 

but when i'm feeling low i HAVE to get up to feed the cat. i couldn't have a starving kitty on my conscience. and i get up to prove to the world that i'm worthy of being in it.

 

jen, you're not a bad person. in this life or the last. and no-one is punishing you. you think god is waving a big stick in your direction? who do you think sent me to talk to you?! sh*tty things happen to us all. i don't know anyone who's not been touched by death, tragedy, terminal illness, abuse or any other number of things that make life feel impossible sometimes.

 

those things are just part of adult life. but they're not the whole picture. we have to move on through them to get to the good stuff. you know in your heart that life can be worth it. but you play a huge part in that. you have to MAKE it worth it.

 

come on jen, just go get a piece of toast. and feed that kitty while you're up.

[a4a]

Jen I am going to step in here, I hope I am of some help.

 

I just went through this with a friend this past summer. She was much like you are right now. She had her house in foreclosure, no money, electric got cut off, car payment way behind. Why....... because she refused to get help when it was offered to her, she refused to listen, came up with every excuse to get help including "who would feed her cat".

 

I bailed her out of financial trouble, she still did not get help. I continued to enable her to slide further into not helping herself. In the end she actually got angry with me, lashed out at me, for no good reason in my view.

 

I let her live in my house with my H, basically cooked, cleaned, coddled her. I finally had to force her to start taking responsiblity, I told her to sell her collectibles, deal with her creditors, and had to reveal to her that nobody but herself could make things better. She had to get help.

 

 

 

I finally had enough I withdrew my attentions from her........she stormed out of my house.

 

3 months later I get an email from her out of the blue, I had NC with her after she stormed out. She thanked me for helping her. She also said that I helped her more by forcing her to stand on her own two feet then anyone who offered to coddle or resolve her problems for her.

 

My point is I am hearing the same exact almost word for word things from you as she said. Jen you have got to take the first step to getting control over yourself. Listen to what people are trying to tell you. Stop making excuses and get the help you need now. It may be hard but you can do it, and once you do you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Make a call first thing in the morning, if you are worried about financial matters and your apt. rent there are organizations that will help you. I realize it is hard. But only you can make that first step to getting your life back in order. Once you resolve this you will be a stronger person for it. The sooner you take that step to get help the sooner you will heal.

 

Good Luck to you Jen.

 

a4a

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

My doctor called back. He wants me to go inpatient. Called my mom to ask her to drive me, and she said no. She said instead of going to the hospital i should go and beg for my job back, otherwise I'm going to ruin her life because she's going to have to drop everything and take care of me when I get out of the hospital, because I will have no home to go to. She said I should just "snap back to reality", because I'm taking everyone else down with me. Then she hung up on me.

[whichwayisup]

Your mom is WRONG. Do not listen to her. Go to be an inpatient Jen, I think it will help.

I have to say, I don't understand her! It is HER responsibility as your mom to be there for you, no matter what. I'm so sorry that she isn't being supportive! She should be ashamed of herself! That really pisses me off. Cannot she not see that you're really needing help? Getting your old job back is not going to help the depression right now...

 

Call one of your friends. Someone should take you. I have to honestly believe that when you come out, someone will help you. Do you have any uncles, cousins, relatives...Call them all.

 

Thinking of you tonight Jen,

Try to get some rest.