a4a Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Jen this is the first step you have to make happen. Get yourself to the hospital...... call a cab if you can. I wish I lived near you, I would drive you myself. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Jen--Man, I could bonk your mother right now. Sounds like she's part of the reason why you're such a mess right now. So write her off right now. Call a friend then. You can also call the dr. back tomorrow and explain the situation. Did you do that with re: to your lack of a job and fear of having no apartment when you come out? What did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 WWIU, she doesn't want to have to give up what I PM'd you about. I have uncles, but they don't care. When I had cancer and asked them for help, because they live local and I needed rides to chemo and stuff, they told me that I should ask someone else...someone closer to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 I'm going to beg for my job back. It's all I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I'm so sorry...I wish I could do more for you. And I'm sorry that your whole family, extended and all, isn't supportive. It isn't fair. I'm suggesting for you to join a free women's group. There should be some local ones in your area (not sure where you live) so then you'll have someone to talk to and to rely on if need be... I"m gonna PM you soon too, but I wanted to post again on your thread. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Asking for help for depression isnt easy, and it is a lonely road. Recently a high powered politician in Australia stood down from parliment, due to the fact that he was suffering from depression and needed help. He discovered that he DID have a problem and seeked medical advice to help him. It shocked alot of people here, but man did this guy get praise from everyone. It takes a big man/women to take the next step to get help for depression, and when he did, no one looked down on him at all, but just thought he was a stronger man to get help. I dont know if Im just babbling here, but at the end of the day you cant be spoon fed to recovery. You have to wanna get better and take the initiative YOURSELF! I dont know whats better for you Jen, Tryin to get better or stayin in bed feeling sorry for yourself? You got nothin to lose here, get help, and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 I dont know whats better for you Jen, Tryin to get better or stayin in bed feeling sorry for yourself? i didn't know that's what i'm doing. my doctor told me i'm sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffrey Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Yes, darling....you are NOT WELL at this time. Imagine me reaching out and taking your hand as I am telling you this... I'm going to be gentle here, you need to start the process of getting well...don't wait...my ex GF is going through the SAME THING you are right now, I know for a fact she isn't functioning AT ALL. She's totally off her meds too, it just makes me so sad to see that, cuz I've seen her at her BEST when she was well. And I have no choice but to do NC, because there is NOTHING more I can do for her until she starts to do for herself. This isn't really who you are, it's like a mask you are wearing...it's the depression doing all the talking and calling the shots in your life right now. And with the help of a good doctor, that mask will come off...and the real jen-jen (funny...I once had a girlfriend that I gave that nickname to!) will come out... I KNOW that deep, down inside of you is a WONDERFUL sun-shiney girl who is struggling mightily to get out.....she's definitely in there, and I can see her. It just makes me cry when I read about how much pain you must be feeling right now, I've struggled with depression too and I BEAT IT BACK AND I'M STILL HERE!! Get going....do it TODAY....we can't change what happened yesterday, but today and tomorrow are still in our control. Let me know how it goes....I'll be waiting for an update!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Just checking in, Jen, to let you know you're not completely alone. I've been holding you in prayer. You've had some bad experiences with people, people you should be able to count on, but not all people are bad. Some really want to help, but it sounds like you're going to have to seek them out beyond your family and the friends you have now. If you can go beg for your job back, can't you get to the hospital? You really need to attend to that part of you that is crying to get your attention--not anyone else's, but your attention. I speak from experience here. Once you start paying attn. to that part of you, things fall into place, but it takes awhile to learn who you really are underneath all the shoulds and protective layers we build up to try to avoid facing the pain of some deep trauma (abandonment? abuse?) that's probably at bottom. Once we start facing that trauma's pain, though, it starts to go away and who we really are shines through. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Just checking in, Jen, to let you know you're not completely alone. I've been holding you in prayer. You've had some bad experiences with people, people you should be able to count on, but not all people are bad. Some really want to help, but it sounds like you're going to have to seek them out beyond your family and the friends you have now. If you can go beg for your job back, can't you get to the hospital? You really need to attend to that part of you that is crying to get your attention--not anyone else's, but your attention. I speak from experience here. Once you start paying attn. to that part of you, things fall into place, but it takes awhile to learn who you really are underneath all the shoulds and protective layers we build up to try to avoid facing the pain of some deep trauma (abandonment? abuse?) that's probably at bottom. Once we start facing that trauma's pain, though, it starts to go away and who we really are shines through. Yes. B has helped me tremenjously recently. Listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Jen, I'm checking in on you, please let us know you're okay. You're in my prayers. Life has continually dealt me some bad cards, abusive people, etc but I'm not going to give in. To do so would let them win! You can do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Me too Jen. Give an update as soon as you're able to. Thinking of you as well! Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Same here. Let us know you're ok when you can. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Life has continually dealt me some bad cards, abusive people, etc but I'm not going to give in. To do so would let them win! Yes. This is how I've managed to survive for a long time. f*** every single person who has victimized me since I was an infant up the a$$ with a mason jar. I will live, and succeed, and thrive. Not for any of them - in spite of them. You can do this. I think you can, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Geoffrey Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 .......because all of these friends here have PROVEN that you really AREN'T so alone after all....and that is something you can feel good about, jen! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 How's it going today JJH? Hope you are ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 Wow! You all are so awesome and sweet! Thank you. You really don't know how much the kind people here helped me today. In a way, my mom was right. Begging for my job back was the right thing to do. They didn't really know what was going on with me, and when I told my boss, he hugged me, said everything was going to be okay, and said "welcome back". I guess I'd also sort of misunderstood the voicemail he left me the other day. Everyone at work was so kind and caring, even though they didn't know the extent of things...only that I'd been sick with pneumonia....only my boss knows about the breakup. They all said that they missed me so much and were so happy to see me. I was blown away. So today I did my best to immerse myself with work. It was hard, but I got through it. This morning while getting ready I had a really good cry to try and get as much of it out of my system as I could. That was good for me to do. My eyes might have been a puffy and bloodshot, but it helped for me to cry out as much of the pain as I could. And I only got a bit teary eyed a couple of times. But staying busy did help. I'm just trying to focus on the fact that I got through the day (with a little help from a mild sedative). With the weekend coming up, I'm going to try and focus on doing practical things like errands....oil change....a bit of shopping...wash the car...etc. And I'm going to have a talk with my mom to get her to understand that I need her love and caring, and ask her to try and not to get frustrated with me, because I'm still feeling fragile. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Whew! What a difference a day makes, huh? Will you still please see your doctor? Just to stay in touch and work through some things? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I'm SO happy for you Jen! And even better that you have a wonderful and understanding boss! That is awesome! Being at work will distract you and keep your mind focussed on other things for the day. Glad you're doing better! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Bravo Jen!!! Bravo!! Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I'm actually checking into LS just to see if you posted Jen. I'm so glad that things are working out. You see, there are plenty of people who care about you. Please please get into therapy, if your old therapist doesn't work for you try something else. Hugs and kittens Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Jen Jen... You are being strong girl. Keep up the great effort!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sad Girl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Jen, I just read the whole thing and couldn't believe that there was someone else out there that felt just like me. Some days I don't want to get out of bed and I feel like ending it just so I don't hurt anymore. I know exactly what you are going through, with no friends supporting you and your mother treating you so horribly. Right now, I'm going through the same thing. I also know what you mean by worrying about talking to a doctor. I don't want to seek help because 1) I don't have money to pay for it; 2) My parents would just yell more; and 3) I don't want to be put away because they think I'm crazy. The one difference is you are obviously stronger than me. I wouldn't have had the strength to go back to the job. I admire you for how you are taking care of things. Most people aren't as supportive as the people here. I know I am told its all my fault for feeling the way I do, it's because I'm a bad person, or I'm too young to feel like this (I'm 20). I hope that one day I can get stronger and not feel this way anymore. It's a relief to know that someone else deals with the same thing and I'm not totally alone in that respect. I'm so happy that you are doing better, because I know how it feels. Keep it up! I hope it keeps getting better. Good Luck. -Sad Girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 Thank you Sad Girl. But please, don't EVER say that depression is your fault. I don't care how depressed or suicidal I've gotten, or how self-hating I get....there's one truth that I always know...depression is not my fault. And it's not yours either. If someone has leukemia, is it their fault? Of course not. Depression is a serious medical disease. And just like I need to stay on top of my medication, so do you. One way I kind of got around having to pay for doctor's visits when I was unemployed is I called my doctors office and asked the nurse to have the doctor call me. At the end of the day when he returned all his calls I told him that I was now unemployed and didn't have any money for medication or an office visit. He talke to me for a bit and then said he would leave a bag of samples for me at the front desk to pick up. If you have a family doctor you use, it would be best for you to call him or her and do the same. The last thing a doctor wants is for their patient to go without their medication, or to suffer needlessly. Even when my doctor didn't have samples available for me the following month, he called another doctor's office to arrange for me to get them there. If you can't reach out to your family or friends for help (as I know I can't most times), please reach out to your doctor....call them....that's what they're there for. Link to post Share on other sites
soar eyes Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 It is great that you made it out of your bed today and made each step count towards a productive day. Been there Jen, with the depression. I lost 2 years of mylife to it and can barely remember much of that time. Its probably a good thing. I just remember going to therapy and reading books and crying and my head hurting and feeling like a zombie. I quit a very good job during the peak of my depression, for me it was the first decison that was healthy for me. My boss was not supportive. After that point it seems like doors kept opening up for me. It gets better but you have to keep pushin thru until you can tell the difference in all of your days and all of your months. Just keep pushing and keep your doctor posted. When you get a chance go see your ob/gyn and tell her about your depression and symptoms as well. He/she may be able to help too. You were on my mind yesterday and today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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