Author cezanne Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 thank you both .... and I agree .. I have to be realistic about where his head is at .... so I will wait for him to make contact ..... when he will be more open to hearing me ... but really all I do want is closure ... it is impossible to move on without some acknowledgement of my 14 years ... I have been with him since my mid 20's !!!! .... Or maybe it isnt... maybe this is what happens when you get involved with MM .... and maybe I can move on .. take the hit ...I suppose at the moment I am still giving him the power to control whether I "can move on or not" ... thank you both so much ... can't tell you what this means to me to share this with someone .... .... really really really helps ... Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Maybe I can move on .. take the hit ...I suppose at the moment I am still giving him the power to control whether I "can move on or not" ... Yes, that's exactly what you're doing... and that is what the email would be doing... You know what 'they' say... write it all out anyway, and then put it in a drawer, or in Drafts. Then take it out in a while, when you're feeling better. You'll be surprised how much you were still willing to give him... even when you know how badly he's behaved. (personal experience time!) Are you taking good care of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 So do I just let him get away with it then .. It might make you feel a little better to take some ownership of your previous choices. This guy didn't take anything from you that wasn't freely given to him afterall. The thing I like about personal responsibility is that it always puts ME in the driver's seat. I sometimes make mistakes about other people's characters....but when I own my mistake I am empowered. I'm free to learn from my mistake and to never make it again. Better yet, I'm free to forgive myself and move on. I don't have to feel victimized by someone else. I had a choice about who I gave my trust to. So, I "own" my choice. You gave him what you gave him. Cest la vie. It's not as if your potential for Love is limited. You have plenty more to give. The trick is just finding someone more worthy to give it to. My advice....get out into the world a little. Don't respond to him at all. And if you do respond, keep it simple like Cygny suggested. The best revenge of all is living your life well. It'll drive him nuts to see that you're unfettered, no longer tied to him. It's Independance Day EVERYDAY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Allegrokw Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 LadyJane 14, you are so right. Well said, and YES Cezanne, do believe in yourself and go out there to find a new and beautiful world. Grieve when you have to and then realize that it won't be forever. Peace and strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cezanne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 right .. I really and truly see clearly what you all saying .. but you must understand where I am now ..its not a proper break so I am not at that stage just yet ... we had no row.. no lead up .. just "not talking to each other" .. and it would be stupid to head down that hard road without making sure I had shut the door ... remember he has been in my life since mid 20's .. I will weaken and go back if there is no closure of any type ... Anyway this what I thinking of doing ... compose email to say "you kindest person ever etc ... know you would not do this to me at this emotional time of my life without very good reason ... you must really feel I have hurt you etc ... I am hurt myself but would not intentionally hurt you and if I have I am sorry .... anyway I just need to say Goodbye .. to thank you for the wonderful times we had .. to thank you for being in my life and looking after me so well ... you are a wonderful person etc ... I don't want you to reply .. I just want closure and for you to know i leave with happy memories .. " .. End off .. then when he contacts me down the line which he will .. when he needs me ... I THEN say ... " Sorry .. you were not there for me when I needed you most ... you were in fact quite cruel to me .. and now I can no longer be there for you ... you are in fact a **** ... On other words reel him in ( as is so easy with men) and then give him a good kick in the ***** ..... In he meantime I have taken full responsibilitity for the position I am in and feel better .. I have realised from your posts that wanting him to admit being a **** is just not going to happen and I will just drive myself mad .. so already feel stronger by not needing anything back from him ... but knowing he will fall for that email makes me smile !! ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cezanne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 actually do you know what .. I hit submit and suddenly realised I could not be bothered emailing him ... I have more to be doing than playing games .. typing it out here made me realise I need to get my act together now ... I doubt he is on a forum talking about me !! ... Yes for the first time I don#'t need one thing back from him .. no closure nothing .. thank you all .. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I can't blame you for feeling like you need to play games with him, and get a little of 'your own back'. That's because for years you gave him what he wanted and put your own needs on the back burner... But you're concentrating too much on him, still. What if he doesn't contact you down the line, after you've written that email telling him how wonderful he is..? Wouldn't you feel like you sent the wrong message..?? What if he ... oh. Just went to look again at your last post and saw you'd written another... and as usual You Are Spot ON. I'm glad you can't be bothered. Whatever you think you want to write to him, write it here, if it helps. Or write it in an email to yourself and keep it in Drafts. Then look at it later. You're not in the right frame of mind to write anything to him at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cezanne Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 thank you sami D .. glad you had started to reply to other post as confirmed for me not the thing to do ... and you right .. I would be furious with myself if he went off thinking what a great fella he was !! ... but I am even beginning to bore myself now ...!!! .. I think just being able to post here every day has got me through a very dark period but today think the brainwashing beginning to wear off ..... read your own thread and you a very wise insightful women but couldn't find if you have written where that situation ended up .. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 ... couldn't find if you have written where that situation ended up .. He's started talking with his wife about separation. Link to post Share on other sites
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