constant baby-sitter when out with fiance's family

[RainyDayWoman]

now, don't get me wrong, this is a GREAT kid. i don't hate children, and i don't want my own, but i am thrilled he will be joining the gaggle of nieces and nephews i already have.

 

i am also flattered that the kid takes a liking to me. four-year-olds can be picky about who they like, i know this. we even kept him overnight a few weeks ago and had a great time.

 

this is the problem--his parents. whenever a bunch of us get together (meaning my fiance's family, parents, aunts, whoever, and myself--all adults except the one child) my fiance's brother and sister-in-law kind of just dump the kid on me. if we're at a restaurant, they'll save a seat for me right next to him. if we get there after they do, they move their seats to make room for me to sit by him. i end up drawing, colouring, playing tic-tac-toe, cutting his food, helping him with eating if he has trouble, ordering his drinks when he runs out of them--all while they virtually ignore him, unless he has to go to the bathroom. and that's only because i made it clear the first time that i wasn't into taking him with me into the ladies' room. but honestly, in the silence that followed "i have to go to the bathroom" i think they were really waiting for me to be like "hooray, i'll take him! no, don't you get up, i live for this!" i had to break the silence by saying "um, i would take him, but...."

 

now don't get me wrong, i wouldn't mind this if it only happened once in a while. he's fun, and i'm not a jerk. but this is every single time we do anything with his family. i can't take part in any of the adult conversations they are having because i'm too busy taking care of, entertaining, or being interrupted by this kid. on christmas, i didn't see what anyone gave to each other, and i don't know what any of the adults were talking about the whole time because i was on the floor playing with little cars the whole time. i have been around kids who like me and want to play with me, and i love it--but eventually (usually) their parents will say something like "okay, lucy, give rainy a break. and thank you for playing with her, rainy."

 

but it's like this kid's parents see me and think "great, a distraction for him so we can enjoy ourselves."

 

this would make sense, and i wouldn't mind so much--but they only have the child with them one night a week and every other weekend (he has a different mother that he lives with most of the time). so they certainly get their fair share of free time without him.

 

i don't have my own kids for this reason--i like my own time. it's not like i spend all my time trying to figure out how to avoid this kid...we do make efforts to spend time with him. and i don't make it obvious that i am annoyed when i am his "entertainment", even though i very much am, since it happens so often.

 

i guess what i am asking for is a nice way to get them to stop seeing me as this constant baby-sitter whenever we go out to do something with my soon-to-be in-laws (or anyone else.) i would never want to hurt this kid's feelings, but jeez.

[RainyDayWoman]

i just got back from dinner with his family tonight (hence why i was thinking about it and why i started the post before i went out.)

 

i managed to keep my distance at another part of the table, but because i wasn't sitting with him, he kept coming over to get my attention.

 

at first he was okay, i didn't mind when he was sitting on my lap.

 

i did mind when he was standing behind me (while i was eating) and slapping my back and pulling my hair. i told him to stop a few times, but i'm not too comfy with really yelling at other people's kids. and it was just annoying, not anger-inducing.

 

but they didn't even notice. it's like "poof, he's out of our hair, la la la."

 

what the frig?

 

oh well. at least it wasn't the whole time. but hate this whole having to come up with strategies thing.

[JayKay]

They probably assume that you just LOVE the child and therefore plunk you down next to him whenever and however they can.

 

I'm also childfree-by-choice...and also just happen to be very good with kids. However, I do not relish the 'instant-and-convenient babysitter' position either and often find that I have to gently assert myself when I sense it is about to be foisted on me.

 

Whenever my BF's best friend comes over with his daughter, I'm sure he loves it that I often keep his daughter occupied by looking for frogs, playing with costume jewelry or showing her things on the computer. It gives him free time to hang out with his buddy!

 

However, if I'm tired...preoccupied...or just plain busy...I'll say very clearly when they first arrive, "Hi! Great to see you! Sorry, I can't play with you tonight. I have to finish reading some stuff for work.." and then disappear myself quickly.

 

 

Going out to dinner may be tricky. If the boy is acting up you may say quite firmly to the parents or grandparents, "He seems a little over-excited tonight. I think he may need to sit between adults he knows better..."

 

or..."Mom/Grandma....he's really acting up tonight and I'm not having any luck calming him down. Can you take over?"

 

or you can make an excuse about the seating arrangement, "I'd prefer to sit closer to the end of the table. Those booth seats are murder on my back..."

 

 

Good luck!

 

And he WILL get older....and need less babysitting eventually.

[RainyDayWoman]

 

or..."Mom/Grandma....he's really acting up tonight and I'm not having any luck calming him down. Can you take over?"

 

 

see, if it were my family it would be one thing...but it's his family, so it's more awkward.

 

i thought i was the only one this seemed to happen to. thanks.