LookOutMate Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Ok, so i'm 16 and i met this great guy, and we became really good friends, and i was really interested in him - i mean he's smart, funny, gorgeous..dont get me started... Didn't really know how old he was but i was pretty sure about 18 or 19. Anyway then, by accident, i found out he's 23!! then he found out i am 16 - he'd been thinking i was 19!! so now i dont know what to do. for me at the moment that is way too old - i mean i'm still at school! but we get along really well and he rang me the other night, so i'm pretty sure he likes me, as a friend at least. i know that 7 years isnt really a lot in the long term but at the moment, at this stage in my life, it seems like a huge gap! should i just try and forget about him in that way?? heeeelp!!! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 It really depends on what you want from the relationship. There is no guarantee it will work, or it will fail. He may seem smart, but how much of that is a result of the age-difference? He has probably experienced a lot more in these years, hence he may appear to be well-travelled, simply because you have not had the chance to travel. Such things add to the fascination for another person. There is an aditional problem to contend with, and that is that the two of you are at different points in your life. You have school, and he will either be in university or already working. It is not easy to work around that. I am not certain about your location, but depending on that there may be some legal restrictions on dating with such a huge gap if one person is as young as you are - and that can seriously affect a possible relationship. It can work, but it can also go wrong. Tough call to make. I am a guy, but I would never have pursued someone who was 16, when I was 23. For me there would have been too much of a mismatch, and lack of balance. But for the two of you? Only the two of you can decide. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I'm 33, and my personal guideline is to not get involved with somebody where one of us could technically have spawned the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Deirdre Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 I'm 33, and my personal guideline is to not get involved with somebody where one of us could technically have spawned the other. LOL good guide.....in fact i tried to set a 10 year deadline. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Hum, 40 and 33; 35 and 28; 50 and 43...7 years is a minor issue...23 and 16...the 7 years is a huge difference. At 23 you are finished university, have your first job and maybe even married. At 16 you are just in highschool and may not be able to drive yet. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 LOM, you sound pretty intelligent (enough to realize that this age gap might pose a problem). You're right that the gap between 16 and 23 is huge. 7 years isn't that big of a difference once you've both got quite a bit of life experience, but at your ages, he's got nearly 1 1/2 times as much life experience as you. That's a lot. Heck, I'm 24 and I would even bit a bit cautious in dating someone who's 31. Don't get me wrong, a relationship between you two could work. It depends on you two as individuals, but the odds are very much against you. Not only that, but it might be illegal where you live for him to be involved with you. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 LOM, you sound pretty intelligent (enough to realize that this age gap might pose a problem). You're right that the gap between 16 and 23 is huge. 7 years isn't that big of a difference once you've both got quite a bit of life experience, but at your ages, he's got nearly 1 1/2 times as much life experience as you. That's a lot. Heck, I'm 24 and I would even bit a bit cautious in dating someone who's 31. Don't get me wrong, a relationship between you two could work. It depends on you two as individuals, but the odds are very much against you. Not only that, but it might be illegal where you live for him to be involved with you. Question Crazy...28-40...too much of a gap? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Question Crazy...28-40...too much of a gap? Depends on the people, most importantly on whether they see each other as equals. I don't think I'd personally do it. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Even if you saw the person as someone who you wanted to maybe get to know and had some things in common with? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 i can't speak for many people. My rule of thumb for MYSELF is 10 years - my mom's age. No one older than my mom AND technically have given birth to me for a long term relationship that is. 23 & 16 well for the age group it does not seem right. 80 & 73 well ok... what life stages are you two in? What are you two trying to do, sex? relationship? kids? future? college? Link to post Share on other sites
Roo-bie2 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I am 16 years younger than my husband..............I personally wouldn't get involved with someone you could accidentally get arrested. If you like him in a year or two you will not be jail bait. Then the two of you can have a relationship that doesn't have this issue laying in the back ground. I dated my dh the first time when I was 16-17. The jail bait issue was very real. We can look back on our history and see a lot of right. We were meant to be but we do look at each other and say "What the hell was my mom thinking?" Also, my dh didn't need me to accuse of statatory rape. Any one can bring the issue up, my mother, a friend, a teacher, et. I dated my dh, broke up, married my first husband, had a baby, divorced the jerk, and "fell back" with my current husand. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Even if you saw the person as someone who you wanted to maybe get to know and had some things in common with? There are plenty of guys the maybe I want to get to know and have some things in common with closer to my own age. Dating is already hard enough without adding in big age gaps as a risk factor. But it's somewhat of a moot point, because I'm not 28 and neither is the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 If the age difference is such that you could've changed your partner's diapers... then forget it. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Age gaps become less important as you grow older. Its already been pointed out above. I am 45, and would not go below 30 years of age. That exists in my head only though, my gf is seven years younger than me, but 38/45 is no big deal IMO. We laugh when we talk about the past, I was having sex when she was only nine. (And, no not with her!) I was a father whan she was 13. When you are young this kind of age gap is enormous, but diminishes as you get into the BIG numbers. Link to post Share on other sites
chicagodave Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 I agree that the age gap is less important as you get older, sweetie, but this is also about the timing of the relationship. At 16, you probably have a long way to go in terms of meeting people and (no offense) in being able to handle a serious relationship, regardless of the age difference. If you like this guy, define the boundaries and move slower than perhaps you'd like. That will help him as well since he could be in deep trouble if things got out of hand. If he's cool with that, I mean REALLY cool with that, he may turn out to be a good longterm friend. And, if it does start getting hot and heavy, I would suggest giving your folks a "heads up". They may disapprove but you may get the support you need to keep things under control...for now. Good luck...incidentally, you would not BELIEVE the age gap relationship I was just in. Try 30 years. Oh well. It was very nice for both of us while it lasted. peace Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 i am 23 year old guy and i have a 16 year old girl friend i find it works really well we get on great we been together all most 3 months and i do love her i never felt this way about any one and she feels the same but her mum don't like she thinks i am to old and its putting strane on my girl friend infact its putting that much strane on her we did break up today but if the lat 3 months i had are anything to go by i would do it Link to post Share on other sites
MyDutyPaid Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Hum, 40 and 33; 35 and 28; 50 and 43...7 years is a minor issue...23 and 16...the 7 years is a huge difference. At 23 you are finished university, have your first job and maybe even married. At 16 you are just in highschool and may not be able to drive yet. That pretty much sums up my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
whats wrong with me Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 It doesn't seem to be a big difference between 73 and 80. In my relationship my H is 28 years older than me, I think sometimes I am still more mature that him, but he has more life experience The biggest and only problem I have with the age difference is this...Sometimes an older man/women will look for a young naive boy/girl for a mate in order to be able to control them, tell them what to do, etc. (like your parent would). It seems in your case 16 and 23 isn't such a large gap, but heres a few questions that may help if you think about them. (and I'm not implying that all of these apply in your situation) 1. why would an older man/women want with a teenager, whether 16 or 19? 2.is he/she a pervert who likes underdeveloped people (kids)? 3. Will people their own age not date them? Are people their own age not satisfied by them? 4. would you be attracted to or satisfied with a 13 year old (who is very mature)? 5. If you were dating a guy who you thought was 17 but later turned out to be 12 would you continue to date him? If you did would your peers make fun of you? 6. Do you think his friends make fun of him for "robbing the cradle"? Does he have friends? Link to post Share on other sites
ChaseYng2005 Posted February 18, 2006 Share Posted February 18, 2006 I'm 22 and he's 31. The major problem we have is that he thinks I'll leave him for someone I find to be better. Link to post Share on other sites
Libertine Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I was in a relationship with a woman 15 years older than me. It lasted quite a while. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I was in a relationship with a woman 15 years older than me. It lasted quite a while. That is something I like to hear! I like my older women up to 10 years older that is. No rocking or robbing the cradle for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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