Depressed?

[Perce]

Hi all,

I wrote a week or so ago about my H's whining, and someone suggested he has a sleeping problem (which he does). I've been doing everything to ensure he gets a good sleep. He's even going to the chiropractor about his back.

However, I have a feeling it's deeper than that. Last night he made such a negative/poor me comment that I was shocked. Then it finally hit me - I think he's depressed.

He's not the man I married. Lately the "glass is half empty". He's negative about EVERYTHING. Last week, friends came over the evening and I was thinking - wow, nice to socialize again (2 month old baby), and at the end of the night he complained about something.

Even with the baby he's different. With our first child, he was very cuddly and calming when the baby cried. With our new child, he sucks! He just gets frustrated and angry, he doesn't try to soothe her at all. He used to be good at calming babies.

And ofcourse, there's the whining - everything is SOOOO difficult in his life. We talked the other night and he said, "he just has so much on his plate". Again, I was shocked - he has a family and a job - nothing else on the plate! He couldn't explain (enough for me to understand, anyway).

So, ofcourse there's lots of little stuff too, but I can't write a novel. With what I have said, however, do you think he may be depressed. He's definitely not the man I married.

Thanks!

[Art_Critic]

Is he happy in his Job ? Sometimes unhappiness can spill over from the job to the homefront and show up as negativity

[Outcast]

It's very possible he's depressed. DON'T tell him he's 'whining'!!!!! You're not helping at all if you belittle his troubles. No matter how insignificant they may seem to you, they're real and painful to him.

 

Check out this site:

http://www.depression-screening.org

[Ladyjane14]

It's very possible he's depressed. DON'T tell him he's 'whining'!!!!! You're not helping at all if you belittle his troubles. No matter how insignificant they may seem to you, they're real and painful to him.

 

Check out this site:

http://www.depression-screening.org

 

I'm in agreement with Outcast. It's always best to treat your partner's problems as if they were your own.

[Perce]

Ok...so what do you think I should do?

[Ladyjane14]

Well, it's important that you allow a medical professional to make the diagnosis of depression. So your first step should be in making him an appointment with his doctor. This would be a good time to follow up on his back pain and sleep issues too.

 

Your husband might not want to go. He might not think that it's necessary. But if you've noticed a change in his personality....then he needs to. Try to go with him if he'll allow it, so that you can voice your concerns.

 

You'll catch more flies with honey. Turn up the volume on the TLC at home. You have very young children, and it's sometimes difficult to give enough time and energy to your relationship. Truth be told....it's FRUSTRATING when your man is as NEEDY as the kids are!

 

But the bottom line is that you don't get to pick and choose your mate's ENs (emotional needs). They don't have to make sense to YOU in order to be valid to HIM. So, prioritize his needs as if they were your own.

 

Meanwhile, you won't be getting your needs met with any kind of regularity until your husband is feeling better. So, try to be patient. If you're still not getting anywhere with him....consider marriage counseling. Sometimes it helps to have a third party encourage your mate to 'step up to the plate'.

[Perce]

Thanks for all of your good advice. It always helps to someone else's "eyes", when trying to figure things out!!