I am broken and sick hearted.crying for answers

[wasted visions]

Okay, someone needs to help me out here on this one….I feel like I am walking into a lions den in my relationship. I am out of my mind with crazy thoughts and feelings. My stomach is twisted in knots. I don’t know if I should stay or go. I love him, but all of his nonsense has really really driven a wedge through our relationship. I am now an overly paranoid and suspicious person. Because of all of the nonsense and how it has affected me, I cannot distinguish truth from imagination from lies.

 

(IF This is starting to become long, just skim, I’ll understand though of course I would prefer you to read the whole thing)

 

I constantly find myself taking seemingly small things and twisting it into sordid things and accepting it as truth. It has affected the both of us, sexually, emotionally, basically any way you could think of. He is distant and cold and distracted and withdrawn. I am paranoid, withdrawn, and hurt. I cant shake the feeling that he keeps lying to me about things.

 

He keeps telling me that I am crazy, that he loves me, that my paranoia and jealousy has got to stop. He tells me I need to trust him, he says he is never going to leave me or cheat on me.

 

We rarely have sex anymore and when we do, it is disconnected and different. The feelings feel forced.

 

I don’t know if it is all in my head or not.

 

He works at night. Comes home real late because its “in season” he claims. I am left at home working myself into a paranoid frenzy, convinced that he is not working and that it is something or someone else. A lot of this has come from him lying and saying he is working and he is really not.

 

I want to get a night time job as well, because I think it will help me get over him a little bit. I think we are in trouble of falling apart, and I really don’t want that. We both have invested so much into our relationship that it would be a shame to back out now.

 

Problem is, he refuses to let me get a job at nite. I have an interview tonite with one place, and I am torn between wanting to go to gain more independence and sense of who I am again, and to stop focusing so much on him, but…..on the other hand, I am really scared…..

He says he absolutely doesn’t want me to work at nite. (we are paying off a big mortgage on our house that we bought 2 months ago, plus we have relatively new cars that we are paying down so the money could help). But he doesn’t want me to do anything at nite, not visit friends, not working, not anything. I basically have to sit in the house and wait. This is what fuels my paranoia, I think.

He tells me that if I work at nite we will never see each other. We don’t see much of each other right now, so whats the difference in my opinion.

 

I am more than prepared to get this nite job but not seeing each other is not my concern. My concern is it is going to make us drift further apart. I feel like we are halfway there anyway.

 

But if I don’t do something, I really feel I am in danger of losing him. Not to mention my mind.

 

Yesterday he comes home and extracts a tube of used womens gloss from his pocket. He asks me if I want it. First of all, its not mine, so no. It was all worn down, it looked like its seen the bottom of a purse for a while.

 

*why does he have this gloss? He says it was left on the table after he cleaned up and so he grabbed it.

*why would he bring me USED gloss? He is a very clean person, I don’t think he would bring me some random strangers gloss…..they could have a disease. Which leads me to think that he knew the person who owned it and felt that they were safe.

IF that’s the case, is this some kind of a sick joke?????

*Swears up and down it is not anyone he knows….he just picked it up from the table.

*Could believe him, because if it was a product of a “car sweep” and he found it there, he would of thrown it away before he ever came home, right?

*On the other hand, if he did a “car sweep” and found it and wasn’t sure if it was mine and didn’t want to throw it away and decided to chance it…..

 

So now what???? Advice about gloss situation GREATLY appreciated….also, should I get that nite job anyway??? Any help at all is greatly appreciated.

 

Is he cheating????

[netter]

I am there where you are now. Don't know if they are telling the truth or not. I am having doubts also about my husband. Maybe this is why people get on this website to help the other person out.

 

If I were you I would get a job a night, why is it that he doesn't want you to?? Selfish I would say. Doesn't he know you are lonely? I really don't think he is cheating unless you really have proof. He wouldn't bring home the lipgloss to make you specious of him. But maybe keep your eyes open if anything shows up again. I know this all makes you insecure and it hard to get it back.

 

I think a job would help just to keep your mind occupied and have self-esteem.

Thumbs up

[wasted visions]

Thank you so much for replying netter!! I felt such a relief knowing someone can listen to my problems, I felt like crying!!

 

I feel so alone and hurt and sick. I cant talk to him about anything because he keeps saying "thats all we ever talk about" but sometimes its not "all we ever talk about" and he still says it.

 

I am worried that a nite time job will rip us apart.

[wasted visions]

maybe he brought the lip gloss home to suspicious of him...maybe he wants me to find him out.....maybe he is daring me to because he doesnt want to be the one to tell me, like the cowards way out, you know??? is this possible??

 

I am sorry that you are going through this as well, I wouldnt wish this on anyone, it hurts so much.....

[netter]

I know what you mean but what your husband says, that you talk about it all the time, mine does to. But I was hurt by him with my best friend and found out some stuff that made me think "What I do to deserve this" I am a very loving person and love to be loved. I guess he was saying things to her sexually

and that hurt me. I know she loved it when he did. Why would a guy do that if they were happy at home, which he always told me was.

Talk to your hubby tonight and really tell him your thoughts about working and maybe he will understand. Or does he clam up win you bring things up to him. I know mine does. Who can figure out men???