afraid to lose him

[neurotic]

My boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight. But huge fights are normal for us. I always believed

 

that the fights were caused by something he did (he was late, he said something insensitive,

 

etc.), but i'm beginning to think that maybe the fault lies with me. Everyone I know says that I tend

 

to overreact. I even overeact when people accuse me of overreacting because I have very real and

 

strong feelings and sometimes i don't know how to control them. My boyfriend is a nice guy and

 

he says that he loves me a lot. He expresses his love with words, but since i'm since kind of a

 

"drama queen" i assume that love is expressed best through actions. My boyfriend is more

 

passive and sometimes i take that to mean that he doesn't love me, then we get into a huge fight

 

where i acuse him of not really caring about me and i'm so angry that there's nothing he could say

 

to convince me. He's even called me mentally abusive. I know that sometimes when i react in a certain way, i'm abusing myself, but it hurts me to think that i am abusing him as well. I don't

 

enjoy my behavior, but it seems like there is no other way to get people's attention. I realy would

 

like to change because i know this will eventually drive my boyfriend away and he is a great guy.

 

In addition i would like my sanity and peace of mind back. If anyone could give me some advice on

 

how to start it would be much appreciated.

 

thanks

[Christie]

You are very honest about your actions...which means that you have really thought about it. I strongly relate to what you were saying because I've been in very similar situations. Why not tell your boyfriend exactly what you said on the message board? That might create a stronger trust between you two since you are opening up to him on a higher level. I don't think you should feel insecure about telling your feelings to a loved one. If he truly cares about you, he will respect your telling him.

 

Good luck!

[Flippzoid]

My boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight. But huge fights are normal for us. I always believed

 

that the fights were caused by something he did (he was late, he said something insensitive,

 

etc.), but i'm beginning to think that maybe the fault lies with me. Everyone I know says that I tend to overreact. I even overeact when people accuse me of overreacting because I have very real and strong feelings and sometimes i don't know how to control them. My boyfriend is a nice guy and he says that he loves me a lot. He expresses his love with words, but since i'm since kind of a "drama queen" i assume that love is expressed best through actions. My boyfriend is more passive and sometimes i take that to mean that he doesn't love me, then we get into a huge fight where i acuse him of not really caring about me and i'm so angry that there's nothing he could say to convince me. He's even called me mentally abusive. I know that sometimes when i react in a certain way, i'm abusing myself, but it hurts me to think that i am abusing him as well. I don't

 

enjoy my behavior, but it seems like there is no other way to get people's attention. I realy would like to change because i know this will eventually drive my boyfriend away and he is a great guy.

 

In addition i would like my sanity and peace of mind back. If anyone could give me some advice on how to start it would be much appreciated.

 

thanks

Re:afraid to loose him

 

Hi I know someone very similar to you. and yes,even though you may not think so,what you are doing to your boyfriend is mentally abusive.If you keep telling someone that they donot love you after the person keeps trying to assure you after awhile they figure what's the use she doesn't believe me anyway.

 

You have got to start thinking before you start reacting.or someday your going to be all alone because of your reactions.There's plenty of girls out there that would love to have a great guy remember that.So,if you don't want to drive him away

 

you have either got to learn how to control yourself,or seek professional help to help control such outburst.Put yourself in his shoes think about how you would feel if he yelled and accoused you of things all the time.It doesn't feel to good does it?

 

now think how he must feel.