Want him back

[Sad]

Hi,

 

I am going to try my best to put a 5 year saga into a brief message. Here's my best attempt;

 

I am now 21. Boy is 21 as well. We met when we were 16. Got together, etc. Went through most the normal teenage bs with friends, life, our insane selves and so forth. We graduate. He goes away to school, still in state, but about 5 hour away. We arn't officially "together", never really had been. That was always the thing with us- we always went back and forth on and off again. This was him. I always knew what I felt for him, he on the other hand could change his feelings depending on the time of day. No matter if we were together or not, we were always friends and never stopped being friends. This usually lead to us getting back together. For the first two years of college it was on and off like usual. This past year he went away to a different school- this time 4,000 miles away. He started saying he didn't have feelings for me, wanted to try new things, etc. Mind you both of us have never even dated any other people during this time. Turns out this past year was our first year of really being together, official and all. It seemed like finally he was getting his stuff together, commitment issues, etc., and I felt like all my waiting and support and paid off. He comes home this summer from school and that gets us to the present situation.

 

After having the best year of our relationship, he comes home saying it's over. This time he questions us even being friends. I'm leaving out alot of my feelings, suffering, etc., and just trying to get to the point on all this. So now this time it's over. It seems pretty final too- usually I just give it some time and we end up back together, but this time I'm scard it's it. He's leaving for school in a week, and I fear that he's going to try and cut contact. We've remained friends for the summer, although he's been very distant, and hardly a friend. This has been hard for me, since I at least want some sort of friendship. I believe this time he is going to date others, which scares me since it's never happened. He says he knows this isn't right, that this has gone on for too long, and that he does not love me and we need to move on.

 

I love this person more than anything and will and have done anything for him. I want to respect and support his feelings and I am trying my best, although I am scared to death I'm going to lose him this time. I know there really isn't anything I can do, but something tells me there must be something. This isn't something I'm just going to let go of. I understand that he wants to be independent and grow and deal with his own personal issues, and that means that having a girlfriend isn't the best thing. I just worry he'll find someone else says he's saying it is indeed his lack of feelings for me that is the cause for all this. Somehow I still have the strongest feeling that we are meant to be. I think I would know if this is it. He says he doesn't love me, but I just don't understand how it's possible- and I'm not living in denial here. I know we're both at a hard age and are both going through some hard stuff right now, but does that mean he's never going to open to giving us a change again? What can I do here? I want to make this work.

 

Thanks so much for reading......

[Daisy]

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. There. I said it. As much as you don't want to believe it, it's true. When someone you love tells you that they don't love you anymore, there's nothing you can do within your power to make them love you again. Of course, we always hear about people getting back together...the boyfriend running back to the girlfriend because he figured out that he truly loves her. But even that situation is out of the girlfriend's hands. She did nothing to make him realize, besides just being herself throughout their relationship, that he truly loves her.

 

As a person looking at this relationship from the outside, my best guess would be that this guy has plain and simple fallen out of love for you. You say that you two have been together since you were 16. That probably is a large factor, because rarely is there a teenage boy that wants to spend his entire life with his first real girlfriend. You guys have spent 5 years together. He's probably doing some soul searching and he realizes that there are other fish in the sea. Not to mention that he's moving farther and farther away from you. People change over time, this is just a fact of life. And sometimes men have no rational explanation for wanting to break up, and women are left without a clue. That's just the way it is, will continue to be, and there is nothing you can do about it. This is one of those situations where it is out of your hands.

 

You say that you know it's meant to be. I realize that's your opinion and all, but don't let that be the driving factor for wanting to be with this guy. You've known him since you were 16. And you've known no one else. Of course you're going to think it's meant to be. Honestly, I don't really believe in that excuse. No one can ever know if it's meant to be. It might turn out okay, or it might not. More than likely, in this situation, it won't.

 

You also say "This isn't something I'm just going to let go of". Well, honey, I'm afraid you have to. There is nothing you can do. Feelings change. And although yours might not have, his obviously have. You can profess your love all you want to him, but I guarantee you he will still move away, still date other women, and will still not want to date you anymore. And meanwhile, you'll look like the desperate ex-girlfriend that continues to pester her ex-boyfriend.

 

So my advice. Suck it up. Cease all contact with the man. Grab a box of tissues. Keep your friends at close contact. And most of all, realize that there are other fish in the sea. I guarantee you that there are at least a few out there that will be more than willing to return the love you'll have for them someday. And you'll marry one that's 100 times more the man that your boyfriend ever was.