Having trouble with my dad's depression...

[Scottland]

I just got off the phone with my dad, he was crying, telling

me he loved me over and over. "you're the best son", he says.

This is after i hadn't heard from him in 6 days, he never returned

my phone calls or emails and his work had to call Me to ask me,

if i knew where he was, because he hadn't shown up for work in

4 days.

 

My mom divorced my dad a year after i was born. They've always

remained civil and sorta like good friends. My mom has since re-married.

My Dad, Never re-married, nor has he tried to date or get into

another relationship. He's overweight, it's unhealthy, i worry about him

constantly. Yet, he always just chooses to be a homebody and

watch his DVDs and eat unhealthy and just live by himself. It bugs me

and i'll tell him, but our communication has never been the greatest.

He's not very good at telling me that he loves me. He's not good

with hearing it.

 

Anyway, so usually he's mr happy go lucky. But he'll have these

break-downs at least once a year, where he'll disappear in his house,

pull the shades, start drinking(even though he's not supposed to) and

call in sick and not call anyone.

 

I know it's not my responsability to make my dad a Happy Man, but i

feel guilty. I start thinking, maybe i should spend more time with him

(more than i already do) and maybe i should involve him in other things

in my life, since he doesn;t go out with friends or do anything social.

 

But then there's this thing in me that get's angry that he's a grown man,

and he lives the way he lives. Why doesn't he lose weight? Why doesn;t

he find a nice gal to date? Why doesn;t he date at all? I feel like he

goes for this "Whoa is Me" kinda approach to things, but then doesn;t

want to make anyone feel sorry for him. Ugh.

 

Anyway, i'm trying to figure out what to do. I don;t want to invlove my

mom since, it's not her problem. He's my Father. I just got off the phone

with him and i told him i'd call him back in a little bit. I was a bit rough

with him at first because i thought it was insensitive that he didn't

call for almost a week, when i left him several messages. What if

there was an emergency and i needed him?

 

I don't know what to do. I want to help him, because i love him. But

i don't want to have to hold his hand. i know he's capable of leading

a happy life, he's just stubborn and lacks drive.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

What kind, if any, medication is your dad on, and is he receiving any medical care for his depression?

[Scottland]

he's on high blood pressure meds, diabetic meds,

and that's about it. he's very overweight and this

drinking is NOT good for his health at all...

 

yet...friends went over to see him the other day, once

we found out he was just at home wallowing and getting

drunk,his brother went to see him, i called him and talked to him

and re-assured him he's going to be okay and that i'm not mad,

i just want him to be in good health...his mother my grandma

went to see him even, yet today, he's still at home drinking.

 

am i wrong for starting to feel very pissed at him? it's almost

as if he doesn;t care. And my grandma said that he said he doesn;t

want to talk to me, in this state he's in, because he doesn;t want

to upset me or make me disappointed in him, so why doesn;t he just Snap

out of it?

 

i live 2 hours away by the way, it's not super easy for me to get to his

house plus i just got back from an extened christmas vacation, so

i can;t just call in sick or ask for more time off from my job. I mean

i want to help him, but part of me is just thinking that, he's an adult

and he can take care of himself, we've given him support and shown

him TONS of love, why can't he just do it for himself?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

He can't do it for himself because it sounds like he's seriously depressed, and could possibly be an alcoholic, or at the very least, self-medicating with booze. Clinical Depression is a medical disease that someone doesn't just "snap out of". He needs medical help for the depression and alcohol use. The best thing that you can do for him (that won't cause you to take time off of work) is to call his doctor ASAP. Tell him or her what is going on, what you've witnessed.