Any married couples to another state to be far from their parents?

[ConfusedGal]

Hi,

 

I have posted about my guilt producing over dramatic mom before as well. So little background for those who havent read my posts. Im 26, been married 3 years. My mom is pretty much nuts, just tried to make me feel guilty all the time, and if I say anything at all back, theh (mom and dad) say I have been brainwashed by my husband. Nothing I do (or we do) os EVER enough for my parents who just compare me to other daughters and my hubby to other son in laws all the time. We go through these cycles where things go ok for a while, and BOOM, something happens and our relationship is back to square one. My mother literally drove me nuts at one point and I ws hospitalized. They will never like my husband. He will never be comfortable with them. I am in the middle (please dont tell to not be in the middle. Its very toiugh when youa re the only child living in the same city!) I am trying to convincy my husband to move to another state. (We live in the Northeast, but trying to move to the midwest.) I cant take these roller coaster rides with my folks anymore. I feel like our relationship would be better if we were far away. Does anyone else have this experience? Did moving far away help???

[Mistaken Identity]

Hi. Sorry to hear about your controlling mom. All of my siblings moved out of state after they were married. One of them (who was living with my mom at the time) snuck his family out in the middle of the night in order to avoid the inevitable drama! My mother had/has nothing nice to say about any of her daughters- or sons-in-law. Granted, they aren't perfect, but oh well...You should know that they are all still married and swear they will never move back here. I'm the only one left. I'm separated because my mom has convinced me my husband is a loser and that I could do better...In fact, I just started a new thread called Controlling Mothers.

 

PS: Some advice about moving out of state--I've tried it at least twice. It's very hard to adjust to a new environment. Make sure you have some sort of support system there. And, use Mapquest to find your way around. It's a godsend!

[ConfusedGal]

Thanks for your response. This is exactly what I am afraid of. I like you, want to separate myself without hurting her, even though she drives me crazy. My husband doesnt understand this concept. He thinks by moving, I am running away. What he doesnt get is I am saying this for the future of OUR relationship. I dont want to keep fighting and being miserable for the rest of my life just so my husband can feel like we didnt run away. Sorry. I am really mad right now... My husband asked me why I want to move, and I tried to explain to him that its better for our relationship, and better than my parents and us constantly hurting each other, its better to live far away. He gets so angry with me just saying I am stalling our "progress" by just hoping we will move. He told his work place that he is interested in a position (transfer) in the midwest, and they said they will let him know when something comes up, but kind of gave him a pushback implying it may not be the best career move. But he told them thats what he wanted anyways, due to my pushing.

 

So of course, he came back and got pissed at me, saying I confused him, and it would be a big risk if we did it, and because of me, all of our progress is stalled. His idea of progress is us buying a house, which he is angry that we keep delaying because of my hope of moving away. It aggravates me that I think the only thing he cares about is buying a house. Not me saying I will be very unhappy here, and i think our marriage will suffer. All i get to hear is buying a house buying a house buying a house making investments money money money!!! I am really mad right now cause we had an argument over this over the evening. Can you tell I am mad?? What the hell! I mean, honestly, I am suffocating. It frightens me to think of us living here forever. And he gets pissed cause he thinks I am not supportive or respectful of his goals. Sure why would he care?? Its MY parents we are talking about!! If we completely ruin a relationship with them, they are MY parents, not HIS. ARgh. I am so mad right now. Sometimes I hate life. Sometimes I hate men. Sometimes I hate myself. I just cant keep living the way I do. I mean, he gets mad cause he thinks I just cant confront my parents and show them Im angry. He is right ! I CANT!!!! CAUSE IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE! IN FACT, THEY GET ALL DRAMATIC AND IT MAKES THE SITUATION WORSE!! WHY DOESNT HE GET THAT??? THEY WILL NOT CHANGE! ARGH I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOWWW!!! And if we do move, I dont want to get blamed that I made him move and now he hates his job. I am in such a bloddy catch 22. Either stay here, suck it up, and suffer and soffocate in my life or move and risk my husband being pissed at me. Why the hell cant life be easier??!!!