Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 My bf wants me to support him in his work. I find it very hard to because he is a personal fitness trainer. I am a jealous person who has a hard time dealing with the fact that he works out females that he finds attractive. I can't help but think that the whole time he works them out that he must be thinking how hot and attractive they are and this really bothers me. All he has to do is mention that he thinks someone else is attractive and I start to get mad and my heart pounds and races and I get shaky all over. I know this is not normal but don't know how to control it. I can't help thinking that he has more fun with those he trains than with me. He says he has a low sex drive and so we don't have sex often. I feel like because I don't see him meeting his needs with me I wonder where he is meeting them? And he has a hard time remembering to compliment me etc. Is this just a guy thing? As well as the fact that he can show up to work on time, but has a hard time keeping time with me (doesn't show up on time for me). I feel like in supporting him in his work, that I am supporting him in being able to hang out with other women and have fun...how do I stop from feeling this way? How do I not get mad when he mentions that somoene else is attractive? And how come everyone that he finds attractive looks nothing like me...doesn't even have the same build????? Is he lieing or is my jealousy making things worse than they are? Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Why is he even talking about who is attractive at his work? I suppose there are attractive people at every job but most people don't think or mention it to their SO. Here is a way to stop it though. Don't ask him about it. Don't ask him if he worked with anyone attractive. If he brings it up, then just say oh that's nice in a neutral voice as if he was talking about buying a new pair of socks. If you stop reacting, then he will lose interest in taunting you with it as he knows it gets a rise out of you. Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 my ex was in a similar field...and I was never ever a jealous person until I was w/ him...because he would flirt w/ all his clients...it became a huge problem...not that it even freakin' matters at this point since he's married Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 i am a little biased, but my best friend was a personal trainer. she slept with her boss while he was still married. she also banged a couple of clients, not to mention the owner of the club. she happened to be pre-disposed to being a huge whore. but i'm just saying, it does happen. and that he is mentioning these other females plus has a sudden low-sex drive...i think there's a problem. i would go with your gut. it's usually right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 I'm the jealous one though...sigh... And my bf only brought up the fact that the women are attractive because I asked him... :lmao: I'm so confused. What is jealousy and what is not????? Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 FWIW...I think I can look at both sides here because...my recent E/BF, like I said, was in a similar field...and interacts w/ dozens of girls (some really hot, some models, etc) on a daily basis and some he has flirted w/ right in front of me....that hurts and it made a huge impact on our relationship and my own jealousy...of which there was virtually none before this behaviour started. On the other hand...I used to be a PT myself and my ex-husband (not the same guy) was often jealous of me in the same way you are. However, in my case, there was really no reason for him to be jealous....I think it was the gym environment itself that made him insecure, rather than me working individually w/ my clients...since most were old men or female. If he has not given you any reason to be jealous...he's not flirting, or going on about how hot they are, etc...then it might be just an insecurity you have. That said though...jealousy stems from an insecurity w/in the relationship. Which probably means something isn't 100% in yours. Maybe he's giving you the attention you need? I dunno...just throwing things out there, it's something you two will have to discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 I don't feel like I am getting what I need from him on so many different levels. Yet perhaps he is and I am not seeing it? Yet, there are things that he does and doesn't do that really take a toll on me. He often doesn't call when he is going to be late even though he has a cell phone. He rarely compliments me. When at a store together, he rarely will take my hand. And sometimes when I do he will soon find a reason to drop it. He says that he loves me quite a bit. I just don't feel that he connects a lot with me. Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 well those are things you need to discuss w/ him. ...tell him how his actions (or lack of actions) make you feel....not just that he's doing it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2003 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 Eeek. Going crazy. Sigh. I can't stand the thought of him training females that he finds attractive....who I know weigh a lot less than me...and he looks at them the whole time while they do different positions...ugh. What to do? I hate it because even though I work out and eat good (and not a lot) it doesn't seem to improve how I look. Sigh. Will he start thinking that I am less attractive because of other women? Link to post Share on other sites
incognito Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Eeek. Going crazy. Sigh. I can't stand the thought of him training females that he finds attractive....who I know weigh a lot less than me...and he looks at them the whole time while they do different positions...ugh. What to do? I hate it because even though I work out and eat good (and not a lot) it doesn't seem to improve how I look. Sigh. Will he start thinking that I am less attractive because of other women? No...but he might think you're psycho for thinking about it all the time and if you let it interfere w/ your relationship w/ him. Jealousy, especially when there's no reason for it i.e., he's not doing anything wrong, can ruin a relationship. I suggest you talk to him about it, let him know how you're feeling, let him reassure you that you have nothing to worry about and put it out of your mind. It's his job, there's nothing YOU can do about it, if he's a great guy who who loves you and whom you trust then he'll be extra sensitive talking about his work w/ you.....and if he's gonna cheat, he'll do it no matter what you feel like. Link to post Share on other sites
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