Prenups

[basscatcher]

It still wasn't right in my book that she got all she got... My gosh she was pg with another mans child during the divorce trial that lasted a year and he also moved in 1 week after Charlie grabbed a bag of clothes and had to leave the house.. She cheated. She was unfaithful, She lied in court and the judge new it and caught her.. The case was so sensitive and touchy that the media wasn't allowed in it. They wanted to be but the judge said no...It was hush, hush... Ther inheritence was to him; in his name. Not hers. her name wasn't on any of it.. His parents had all the papers drawn up after he was married to her.. It was to him not her..

 

I personally think he got so screwed... Its no wonder why he is held back, reserved and cautious.

[blind_otter]

It still wasn't right in my book that she got all she got... My gosh she was pg with another mans child during the divorce trial that lasted a year and he also moved in 1 week after Charlie grabbed a bag of clothes and had to leave the house.. She cheated. She was unfaithful, She lied in court and the judge new it and caught her.. The case was so sensitive and touchy that the media wasn't allowed in it. They wanted to be but the judge said no...It was hush, hush... Ther inheritence was to him; in his name. Not hers. her name wasn't on any of it.. His parents had all the papers drawn up after he was married to her.. It was to him not her..

 

I personally think he got so screwed... Its no wonder why he is held back, reserved and cautious.

 

Well yeah, my trustfund was established when I was in utero, so I was mighty pissed to see it go.

[jerbear]

A litte more info. One week after Charlie moved out of his house she had another man move in. Also she was 6 months pg with that mans child at the end of the divorce. She had been having an affair on him for awhile.. The man was their car dealer... Charlie bought her a minivan and the dealer was her lover...

 

Wow.... car dealer. Mine was the carpenter...

 

I guess I am odd to offer a prenup that she can keep all the things we make together.

 

Prenups don't always work in different states, CA from what I believe is communal, HI is where the divorce is held. Every state is different. I forgot which state it was.

 

If a prenup or will does not exists, assets could transfer to the children entrust. Very weird laws

[ladyinwaiting]

Like Touche, I am possibly oldfashioned. However, I would be offended. Very.

 

To play on stereotypes, I am possibly in the typically male position in my relationship. I earn over double my fiance, and that margin will increase over time (he has a job that is just fantastic, and very public-minded, but he doesn't get paid a lot for it - his very deliberate choice). I have a mortgage/house, he does not. I have savings, he does not. Yet I would never, in a million years, ask him to sign a pre-nup. Not only would I hurt him, but I'd feel low and dirty.

 

That doesn't mean I am going into this with rose-coloured glasses. I know we may break up. If we do, he may walk away with the house and savings I have worked 80 hour weeks to build up. If he does, I'll probably wind up bitter and twisted, as many seem to (understandably). But, that's the risk I take in marrying him (or anyone). I am determined to try to make our marriage work, and I think that requires that we enter the relationship as fully trusting equals and become a genuine partnership.

 

I would, of course, feel very differently if one of us had kids. If that were the case, than each of our first concerns would need to be our kids, and the only way to protect their property is through a pre-nup. I had a relationship with a man with a couple of kids a few years back, and I would have happily signed any pre-nup he put in front of me because I would have considered it a sign of his responsibility as a father (as it turns out things didn't get that far, partly because I didnt want to be a mother!). But where someone has no kids, and no conflicting responsibilities, I consider a pre-nup to be a selfish cop out that undermines the entire purpose of marriage.

 

That said, if you're intent on putting on in front of your fiance, I'd be very careful about how you do it. I'd also focus not on the property aspect, but on your desire to *never* be in a position where the two of you fight and hate each other and spent squillions on lawyers who take the lot so that neither can get anything. Focus on how a pre-nup would make things easier in the event that you (shudder) do divorce. Whether that's true or not is debatable, but it's the best possible spin on an idea that I think undermines the concept of marriage as two people throwing their lot in together in the crazy hope it all works out.

[Curmudgeon]

Depending upon the laws of whatever state they're in, what they bring into the marriage can be considered prior-acquired assets and remain the property of whoever brought them into the marriage if monetary assets, if any, are not comingled. Anything acquired during the marriage could be subject to community property laws in which each would have a community interest in the event of dissolution.

 

A consultation with an attorney would be a good idea.

[Woggle]

The only reason my ex didn't get anything was because she was caught lying in court. The female judged hated her which was strange because I would think a female would have more sympathy.

[Neptune]

Woggle, I would think having a female judge in a divorce court would be boom or bust. You lucked out because the judge didn`t like your ex.

 

Women are going to either indentify with another woman and sympathize or see her as "the other woman" and throw the book at her. You lucky dog you.

[familylawyer]

Women judges are going to apply the law, just like male justices. There are rules for the assignment of property. Luck has nothing to do with it. Get over your misogynistic selves.

[bab]

My fiance and I discussed the possibility of a prenup a couple nights ago. Neither of us have any real assets at this point, but I wasn't offended. My parent's divorce was ugly, as is my brothers. Don't get me started on how badly he got screwed. Anyway, we are considering it. My stipulation is that we add a clause saying that we can't take any action until there is documented 6 months of counselling. We've got so much going on right now, that I'd be suprised if we actually get around to having a pre-nup drawn up.

[rubikshoulddie]

you should probably both speak with an attorney after you have discussed the possibility of a prenup with her.

 

prenups are a good idea...you should be sure to include everything you would want to be able to give to your kids (in the event that you have any). ie. a family business, a house, things like that. even if you have years invested in things, the court can make you sell them to be able to split the resulting cash.

 

for example, my boyfriend is trying to get a business off the ground with one of his friends. if they do get it running, i would not hesitate to sign a prenup, just so i know that business would be protected, both for his sake and for the benefit of our future children.

[MusicWoman]

if my fiancee asked for a pre-nup i would be very offended. I think its kind of a slap in the face, even though we all know people who have gotten divorces, and its common, I think if you go into a marraige with a pre nup, thinking its going to fail, then the marraige probably is more likely to. I don't have any statistics to back this up its just my opinion.

 

Yes, people change and get angry if the divorce was not mutually decided upon, but thats part of life. I have just as much if not more assets than my fiancee and I wouldn't ever make him sign a pre-nup because 1) I don't want to be thinking about the divorce before the marriage even happens and 2) I know he wouldn't take me for everything I am if we did get a divorce.

[Woggle]

Well she agreed to sign one and I must say this is a good sign. She was not offended at all. To me a prenup is a promise by a woman that she will not take you for all you are worth. If a woman won't sgn one I say drop her.

[MusicWoman]

Well she agreed to sign one and I must say this is a good sign. She was not offended at all. To me a prenup is a promise by a woman that she will not take you for all you are worth. If a woman won't sgn one I say drop her.

you say, you should drop all of the decent woman who don't want to sign a pre-nup??? those woman who know they are not and will never be the type of person to take the man for all they are worth? Those who don't want to be thought of in that way either and thinking that trust and honestly are the most important things in a relationship? maybe you should think this statement over again

[KonRyuu]

Yeah, I do happen to know that women are more likely to get most of everything. The house, the car, this and that, the kids. it's how it goes. PRENUP ALL THE WAY!!!

[Outcast]

those woman who know they are not and will never be the type of person to take the man for all they are worth? Those who don't want to be thought of in that way either and thinking that trust and honestly are the most important things in a relationship? maybe you should think this statement over again

 

Unless men can read minds, they cannot distinguish a con artist or gold-digger who SAYS she 'is not and never will be the type of person etc etc' from a woman who is genuine when she says the same thing.

 

If you have a way for a man (or a woman) to know for sure whether someone is being honest, please do enlighten us because studies have shown that people are actually very bad at figuring out when other people are lying.

[TUDOR]

Well she agreed to sign one and I must say this is a good sign. She was not offended at all. To me a prenup is a promise by a woman that she will not take you for all you are worth. If a woman won't sgn one I say drop her.

 

Good for you Woggle. As much as opinions will vary on this topic you are the only one who can look out for number 1.

[Woggle]

The truth is that the family courts are run by a bunch of misandrists who will screw the men out of everything he owns if he doesn't protect himself. A woman's word is pretty much worthless to me if it isn't backed up with action. I have seen many women play the nice role only to turn on their men and then dig their claws in. All that trust stuff sounds good but a man has to be smart.

[Woggle]

you say, you should drop all of the decent woman who don't want to sign a pre-nup??? those woman who know they are not and will never be the type of person to take the man for all they are worth? Those who don't want to be thought of in that way either and thinking that trust and honestly are the most important things in a relationship? maybe you should think this statement over again

 

I am not a rapist but I can't blame a strange woman for not wanting to take me to her house on her first date alone. The same concept applies to prenups. If you are a good woman you should have no problem making this promise.

[littlekitty]

Agreed. If you really have no intention of taking more than is yours, what's the issue with signing one? And why shouldn't you request that of a loving partner? If your communication is open, and you are both sensible and adult then you should be able to discuss the reasons for doing so.

 

I own my own house. My boyfriend is currently moving in. I have had a 'Living Together Agreement' drawn up and signed by both of us. This states that he is not investing in the house, and is not entitled to any monies or share of the house. For this benefit it also lays out what he is expected to contribute towards, and what he is not. It puts a cap on his contribuation to work on the house, and it states that he has 30 days notice to leave the house on the breakdown of the relationship.

 

He wasn't offended that I asked him to agree to this. I've been left screwed over, he's been screwed over before. My mother has a vested interest in my house, and we all agreed it was sensible. No problem.

 

Do I mistrust him? God no. I trust him with my heart, my life and my future. But I also have to protect myself.

[Becoming]

Like it or not, marriage is a legal affair. Even living together for a long time, as LK notes, entitles others to some share of what's held in common.

 

We keep wanting to make marriage solely about love and such but it is also a legal social contract. What's the harm in acknowledging this and being up front and anticipating as many contingencies in the future as possible? Are love and law mutually exclusive? I hope not. Love should be primary, but love can only grow where there's justice. Why not discuss law and justice up front and be done with it so that you can get on to love?

[littlekitty]

We keep wanting to make marriage solely about love and such but it is also a legal social contract. What's the harm in acknowledging this and being up front and anticipating as many contingencies in the future as possible?

 

Brilliantly put!

[Becoming]

Ah, no, no, no, dahlink. It was based on your smarts.

[Outcast]

The truth is that the family courts are run by a bunch of misandrists

 

The only 'truth' in that statement is the word itself.

[Becoming]

The truth is that the family courts are run by a bunch of misandrists

 

The only 'truth' in that statement is the word itself.

 

To which familylawyer had the PERFECT retort:

 

Women judges are going to apply the law, just like male justices. There are rules for the assignment of property. Luck has nothing to do with it. Get over your misogynistic selves.[/QUOTE]

 

(Hope we see more of familylawyer!)

[MusicWoman]

my mother was the one left with nothing

 

my father never wanted her to work, so when he quit work and got onto dissability during the divorce process, my mother was left with nothing...and hadn't had a job in 20 years. Theres no way she would have been able to keep the house if it hadn't been for her parents giving her a loan. Over 20 years invested into a marraige, crazy hard work raising two kids by herself..since he was never there...and dealing with him because he went crazy and became abusive.

 

I'm not saying that pre-nups are all together a bad thing. Maybe I am just not educated enough about them. Maybe you can change and add things to them...so that if you are a working stay at home mom for years and years your not thrown out on your ass with nothing...no job...and trying to support children.