how do i let go?

[hindsight]

I've been carrying around lingering feelings for my ex for almost a year and a half now. I don't know why I haven't been able to let go, other than that I just believe that he is my soulmate. I haven't been able to go out with other guys because my ex hurt me so badly. I just can't seem to find a way to get over what happened in the past and see that there is a bright future out there for me.

 

Earlier this week, I found out that my ex recently got married. Now I KNOW it is time to move on with my life. How can I cut him out of my heart and start getting on with my life?

[Tony T]

There is nothing you can do except to let time pass and busy yourself with friends and activities.

 

The very act of consciously attempting to forget him calls for him to be on your mind to do so.

 

Now that he's married, it should be much easier for you.

[Daisy]

Never in all my years of searching have I ever found a resource that says "follow steps 1-5 in order to ensure your ex is out of your mind and life forever". It's just not that easy honey. It takes time. And with that you'll have to endure feelings and sadness that will be so unbearable, you'll think your life is over. But it's not. Nor will it ever be just because of some dumb boy.

 

Go to a counselor if you need to. Those always help. Talk to your friends. Talk to your parents. I'm sure your friends will be more than willing to help you get out and forget about your ex. Try to focus on living your life to the fullest, and doing what you need to in order to make yourself happy. Now's a time to focus on YOUR happiness. Get out in the world and do things that make you happy.

[marzipan75]

Hi,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain. I understand what that's like, believe me. You sound like you've been carrying this around you for a while now and it's time to let it out. If you are feeling sad, this is perfectly natural, even if it has been over a year. You are only human, there's not time table on how long to remain in love with someone or getting over them, just remember that.

 

It sounds like he hurt you pretty badly and while it may be hard to understand right now, I think that maybe you had some kind of separation of the pain between losing someone you love and the hurt they caused you by what they did. I think that you may be over what he did to you just not over him? It's just an observation. The lingering feelings are totally normal, especially when you find out news like that, that he's gotten married.

 

In a way, I think that you finding out this information will help to get you on your way. It is now ultimately final to you that he is not coming back. I'm sure for a while maybe you had notions about running into him somewhere and catching you off guard? Also, when you've loved somebody so much it is hard to get over the feeling that they were so right for you, try to think of it as a "ghost pain". Maybe also talking about these feelings will help you to get past them. Anytime I feel bad or like I am regressing back to the first minute of my break up, I talk about it. I call a friend or get online or write about it in a journal I keep close by.

 

It sounds like you moved on rather quickly from this, which a lot of people have told me they do, (I know I did). I think you probably were so surprised by whatever hurt this person caused you that initially maybe your reaction was to shut it out and not deal with it right away? That's just what it sounds like. It sounds like you've been trying to move on but maybe you bottled up your true feelings because you were afraid of feeling bad again about all of this. Don't bottle up your feelings. Let them out, go do something constructive when you start feeling bad and in a way it will help to get past those moments instead of suppressing them. That's what I do.

 

I don't try to run away from it, sometimes I have these moments (just about every day!) where I go back to the hurt and pain my ex caused me, and all I can do is let it pass. I try to find a book to read or write down my bad feelings or exercise even. Think of something you like to do that isn't too farfetched and when you feel yourself starting to get to that point, do it. Talk to somebody or write about it if you have to, as long as you let the feeling out and let it pass. Just try it. Crying is also good, it's very theraputic and you will feel a tremendous sense of relief afterwards.

 

Just don't deny your feelings, let them pass. Everybody is entitled to have a crappy day or night. Once you get past that, then I think you will begin to feel a lot better. Don't worry so much about the speed you are moving at or the direction you are going. It's the things you do and the fact that you take time out to take care of yourself during this that counts. Right now you are just having a normal reaction to some news that sooner or later you were going to hear. Try to think about you and how it doesn't affect you. This guy is no longer in your life and he can't hurt you anymore so just keep telling yourself that it's over and he's married now. The mind is a mysterious thing, subconsciously I think now that you know for sure he is not available you will begin to feel better.

 

I hope that helps. Take care.

 

marz

I've been carrying around lingering feelings for my ex for almost a year and a half now. I don't know why I haven't been able to let go, other than that I just believe that he is my soulmate. I haven't been able to go out with other guys because my ex hurt me so badly. I just can't seem to find a way to get over what happened in the past and see that there is a bright future out there for me. Earlier this week, I found out that my ex recently got married. Now I KNOW it is time to move on with my life. How can I cut him out of my heart and start getting on with my life?