gibler Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 I've been with this guy for a year and a half now. About three or four months ago I cheated, well sort of, I ended up making out with a friend of mine. About a day later I got up the guts to tell my guy. He said he would forgive me if that is what I wanted. I told him I didn't know if I did want that. The relationship is/was a long distance relationship and I was wondering if I rather just date my friend. So we broke up. I kind of dated my friend though I would not call him my boyfriend during this time, though my boyfriend continued to be a close friend. I messed around with this guy, and realized that this all felt wrong so I decided that it was not what I wanted. I went back to my boyfriend and we've been dating ever since. I realize this was all a mistake and I was just looking for the easy way out. But now we have problems, trust issues are brought up it seems two to three time a week. Leaving both us in emotional upheavel. I want this to work, I want to work through this. But is there anything I can do to help ease the pain, make it easier to get through this for both us. I know it won't magically fix itself but I'm wondering if anyone has advise on what to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Who the hell is this guy? YOU cheat on him... and he says "Well... I'll take you back if that's what you want." What a ****ing b*tch. My advice? End this situation. You two are done. Just remember that the long distance relationship isn't your thing, and you don't regain pure trust after cheating. Learn from the past. Link to post Share on other sites
silverbeamer Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Doesn't it seem strange that he's so quick to want to work this out? Is it possible that he's cheated on you and now it feels like you are both even so he's not the bad guy anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 If you truly wanted it to work, you wouldnt of cheated on him then broke up with him just to mess around with some dude. The fact that this guy still took you back is scary, maybe he's a masochist. Anyways, just take it as life experience: If youre with a guy you love and who loves you, dont cheat on him then break up with him to continue to relationship w/ the one you cheated on. Between now, and the moment where your bf gets fed up and cant stay with you anymore, your lifes gonna suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 About three or four months ago I cheated, well sort of, I ended up making out with a friend of mine. Earth to gibler. That's not sort of cheating. Thats full fledged cheating. But now we have problems, trust issues are brought up it seems two to three time a week. Leaving both us in emotional upheavel. I want this to work, I want to work through this. But is there anything I can do to help ease the pain, make it easier to get through this for both us. I know it won't magically fix itself but I'm wondering if anyone has advise on what to do now. You cheated on him with your friend. Why should he trust you? Trust is earned not given. Just because you sleep with him doesn't mean he turns his brain off. You've been a horrible girlfriend why should he just break down the walls of defense? He probably lives in fear you will break his heart the next time some cute guy or friend decides to sleep with you. This is why many guys are insecure when their gf/wifes have male friends. He will probably never trust you around guys ever again. Should of thought of that before you acted like a selfish child. My suggestion would be to prove to him you're trust worthy and to respect his insecurity. You caused the insecurity now its your wound to mend. It will take time. It could take years to repair. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine2003 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hmm...I would think that people gave others chances if someone cheated on them. After all, mistakes do happen. More than once though...no way! I'm not saying that one should cheat on their partner...no no no!!! Cheating should NEVER EVER happen. Yet, if it was an honest mistake and both are willing to work it out...and the person who cheated never sees the person again that they cheated with...and they won't ever do it again...then I can see one trying to work at it. However, if your bf was not angry at all at what happened, then yes...I must suspect that he really doesn't care that you cheated...which might imply that he is cheating on you or he doesn't really care about you..... And yes, YOU need to prove to him that you are trustworthy. Can you do that? If he doesn't trust you to hang out with other guys now, you have to give them up for the time being, etc. I'm not saying let him control you, but you need to help him... Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hmm...I would think that people gave others chances if someone cheated on them. After all, mistakes do happen. a mistake is forgetting to rewind the video before returning it, or leaving the toaster on too long and burning your toast. Allowing your friend to screw you is a conscious decision. Yet, if it was an honest mistake and both are willing to work it out... I cant think of any scenario where cheating would be an honest mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I think there's nothing you can do on this one at this point -- it is basically up to him to get past it, and he won't Personally, I think he should have broken up with you. As a man, I cannot imagine being able to be with a girl who would do that. It doesn't have to be a horrible thing, just a recognition that a relationship is impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
It's all good Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 If you cheat, a little or a lot, then there is something missing in your relationship. Cheating is just an easy way to distance yourself from it all till you can sort it all out. If your truly happy, and you love the other deeply you wouldn't even have the smallest thought of another person, your wouldn't need to. Problem is when you cheat and then realize that you had it good, you made a mistake, want to go back.....well, that's not so easy. The other person is hard pressed to take you back and trust you again. If you faltered once who's to say you won't again. No relationship is perfect and never will be. When things get tough...you might make out with someone else again. If things are too hard for both of you or just you....find someone else. You probably do not love him as much as you think you do. Link to post Share on other sites
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