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she just texted me! ?


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hello there, firstly allow me to brief you on my situation.

 

i met my girlfriend 3 years and 4 months ago. We shared an appartment together and had a very happy relationship. ( with it's scattered downs of course) i now understand that i was smothering her terribly in the latter days of the relationship. always keeping tabs on where she was, who she was with etc. basically, i was lacking trust in this lovely girl. she never ever ever gave me a reason to distrust her. right up until the day we split up we were loving to each other. Until that night when i got extremly intoxicated and let myself down by accusing her of having feelings for someone else. completly unfounded! so she took space and didn't get in contact with me for a few days until i arrived unannouced at her place of work and she told me it was over but that she loved me and knew she would never find another as great as me. i hounded her for about 4 days after the break. The reason that i feel she need to get space from this over-bearing boyfriend was because she comes from a very strict home where her ever move was monitored. this is the environment that she was dealing with when we were together at the end, so inevitably she chose a separation. The fateful night which i speak about (the night i accused her of having feelings for someone else) was the 26th of january. i've been operating the no-contact rule for the past 3 days and tonight i get a text message from her. the message didn't really have a point to it and i get the feeling that she could be missing me. i received the text message at 4:30 today. my question to you all is -

 

how quickly should i respond and how should i respond?

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ok. an update for you! i went to a bar tonight(this is the on the same night i sent my previous post) and there was my ex in all her glory.

 

To say i was shocked is a complete understatement, i went through a mass of emotions. heartbreak, frustration etc. now, i live in a large city. there are hundreds and hundreds of bars in my city and both she and i happened to meet on the same night in the same bar. our eyes met briefly and we both very quickly turned to look in the opposite direction. approx. 30 minutes after my arrival she gathered all her friends together and left. I have a couple of possibilities as to what this could mean. but i'd appreciate your opinion. can you offer anything?

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one question i forgot to ask.........

 

what should i do from here?

 

should i contact her to say that she need not act this way?-- that i'm ok and she has no reason to run off if we happen to meet accidently.

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Don't reply to the test message.

 

Next time you two meet again; smile and give her a toast with your drink. Move on.

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woah.... i wouldnt take that last persons advice at all. def give her some space and dont smother her, but dont let her go!!! i dont have much advice, but dont let her go. this happend so recently it seems there is a very good chance that she misses you.

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Yeah, your breakup is really fresh and neither of you really have a handle on your feelings abbout it yet. You dont even know why she left that bar. Sure, maybe she never wants to speak to you again but its more likely that she was surprised to see you but not ready to talk to you. She certainly will at some point when she has more perspective. That doesnt mean she will take you back, of course, but you will talk again. In the meantime give her space, dont go chasing after her...it wont work. I think a really simple, light uncomplicated email about seeing her in the bar might be ok to show that your door is still open as long as its your only contact and you give her space otherwise... But if you do write her...dont get dramatic, dont spill your guts or get emotional and dont send it until you have slept on it and reread it in the morning. And dont expect a response (in your case you'll get one though). But otherwise, she dumped you she has to have time to decide wether to take you back. This is really important because you were clingy and smothering. Post breakup is the worst time to be chasing after your ex when this is why she dumped you. Dont try and run into her in places she frequents and dont go around her place or call or anything because that will only confirm her decision to leave you.

 

More importantly, realise that jealousy kills relationships right quick, you have to deal with that.

 

salmagundi

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ok so texted her saying "hope you had a good night last night, weird to bump into you like that"

 

she responded about three minutes later saying

 

" it was weird, why didn't you say hello?"

 

i responded

 

"hey! i didn't think that you'd want me to. i was in shock. were you shocked too?

 

to which she quickly replied

 

" no not shocked, but it was weird...i really hope that we can be friends though"

 

and i replied

 

"yeah that would be nice. great stuff"

 

 

what are thoughts on this conversation. what should my next step be?

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your next step is going to be nothing. she has clearly told you that she only wants to be friends. until she says otherwise, you must assume she doesn't exist. the more you try the worse you'll be.

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Sorry man, but saying she hopes you guys can still be friends is not really saying she is looking for any kind of reconciliation. That line usually is code for "Seriously...its over, but I dont hate you and dont want you to feel bad and still want to be able to hang out in the same places without it being weird if we run into each other."

 

If you're still looking for a second chance "I hope we can still be friends" is code for "cut off all contact from me so I start to miss you and wonder what you're doing and how bothered you are about the breakup and dont chase me at all because then I'll know I dont need to face the fact that I dumped you and whether or not to take you back because you're just...there."

 

Its probably done, but if you want to be sure its over...go ahead and chase her, contact her, beg etc. Otherwise keep well clear and let her think. If she contacts you great, if not...well...its over.

 

salmagundi

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ok. an update for you! i went to a bar tonight(this is the on the same night i sent my previous post) and there was my ex in all her glory.

 

To say i was shocked is a complete understatement, i went through a mass of emotions. heartbreak, frustration etc. now, i live in a large city. there are hundreds and hundreds of bars in my city and both she and i happened to meet on the same night in the same bar. our eyes met briefly and we both very quickly turned to look in the opposite direction. approx. 30 minutes after my arrival she gathered all her friends together and left. I have a couple of possibilities as to what this could mean. but i'd appreciate your opinion. can you offer anything?

 

 

You don't really expect us to believe it was just an accident do you? Some of us didn't just fall of the turnip truck. You have told us you did things like this in the past and now are trying to pass this lie by us. Admit the truth. You either knew where she was going to be or you had a good idea. Until you stop this type of behavior, you are toast. She probably thought your were following her (and you were). She left because she does not want to be where you are because she is wanting to meet other guys.

 

Leave her alone.

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