Follow up: Is My Boss Wanting Something More?

[Content10]

The behavior is not that I enjoy it- just like I've said I'm not sure why he acts this way. The HR dept is not one to trust. It'll spread quickly and I'd be afraid to lose my job. Yes, my husband and I communicate about this and he says that my boss is interested in furthering this to the next level. He said that my boss is waiting for me to make the first move because he's not going to risk everything. Well, I will never do that. Still confused...or in denial...

[Guest]

'I will never do that". ARE YOU SURE? "Still confused...or in denial". IN DENIAL indeed.

[sami]

That's good to hear.

[jerbear]

Content, your husband may have to support your decision.

 

You and everyone at your company should not work in that type of environment.

 

File a REAL lawsuit. Seek the legal counsel. When you make a real move, hit hard, fast, and right to the heart of the issue.

 

If he kicked you in the butt then that is assault and battery. If you do not trust HR then it is the company's issue. If it spreads out, you got some lackeys and people who can't do their jobs. Depending on the size of the organziation, the EEOC may get involved. It could be as simple as filing a complaint with the EEOC; http://www.eeoc.gov/

 

I personally believe that for a guy like your boss and the company; paper is best served with a monetary attachment along with a cease and decise letter from the EEOC.

 

In regards to sexual harassment, I view this as both quid pro quo and hostile environment. Getting kicked in the butt is a form of sexual harassment. Slapping the butt is the same. He is playing a good o'le boy's game. I'm sure he is much older and would say, just harmless fun? Ignorance is not an answer, plus IF he plays the "I dont' know card" I would drag him and HR (& company) into the picture for not having sensitivity training. In other words, he just put his two feet and others into their mouths amoung other things.

 

It is hostile environment becuase it is causing you some anguish. Hostile environment could be simple as having a picture up, or making the environment uncomfortable; which you are experiencing.

 

Get the sexual harassment policy of the company and one for your state; read up then make your next move.

 

There are a few cases where the person did not have to follow company policies before filing a complaint.

 

Seek legal counsel because different laws apply in different states, they are in general very much similar.

[sami]

"If he kicked you in the butt then that is assault and battery.". Not in this case. She's enjoying it and looking forward to. It's only " Assault and battery" when it happens without her express or implied consent. An adult girl's enjoying a ride. What's wrong with you lsers?????

[jerbear]

The behavior is not that I enjoy it- just like I've said I'm not sure why he acts this way. The HR dept is not one to trust. It'll spread quickly and I'd be afraid to lose my job. Yes, my husband and I communicate about this and he says that my boss is interested in furthering this to the next level. He said that my boss is waiting for me to make the first move because he's not going to risk everything. Well, I will never do that. Still confused...or in denial...

 

Don't be confused. Just don't give in. If you do it makes it look consentual. He already put himself at risk by kicking and making fun of you.

 

Human curiousity maybe great but sometimes it makes someone do bad things to themselves.

 

Next time he does that, seek an audience with him and tell him to stop.

Step 1 of verbal dissatissifaction.

Step 2 involves written with HR involvement

Step 3 litigation / dismissal

 

Granted don't follow the steps, just file a complaint OR publically tell him to stop.

 

You shouldn't lose your job over that, you might get a "lowered job rating score" or put you in his alpha dog's bad graces. There is always a bigger alpha dog ready to put another alpha dog down (EEOC, lawyers). If you do lose your job even after 1 year or whatever do step 3. Most of the time, they'll settle.

[Content10]

Jer Bear-I really appreciate your advice. It's solid. I could not file a lawsuit. That's just not me. BUT I'll make sure I tell him to stop. I've been hesistant to what the reprecussions are. Sami is completely wrong about me. I asked this question originally to get some answers. I never invite or look for attention. When I am at work, that's exactly what I'm doing. Nothing more.

[jerbear]

I am glad you are telling him to stop, it is one step closer. I would have to say that once in awhile, force has to be used including a lawsuit. I just hope you do not throw out the lawsuit option just yet.

 

Your boss is actually paid to make decisions not put the company at risk with a harassment suit. It is a professional environment.

[Content10]

Good point, but I think there are too many happy lawsuit people out there. I couldn't imagine the stress.

[sami]

I'm sorry then. My sincere apologies to you.

[Content10]

I appreciate everyone's advice and I haven't replied for quite a while because my boss became cold and distant. It was great because I could focus on my work again w/out feeling bothered. He had a lot of business problems to correct. Well, he has started pulling my hair again and I'm scared to say something because I don't want to lose my job. I feel disrespected and I'm not sure why he is treating me this way. I'm not sure if he sees me as a possible threat or if he's a control freak. Obviously he has some issues and he's immature. This seems to be a cycle w/him. He's aggressive for a while and then he's to himself. Please advise me on what to do.

[Content10]

I am so tired of the hair pulling, the massaging of shoulders, him in my personal space, comments of making me feel guilty that I am too good to take time out of my day for one reason or another. He throws my papers on the floor for me to pick them up. He bumps into me and shoves me on a daily basis. He does this consistently and I know he thinks it's funny and he's playing around but I'm sick of it. I feel defenseless and if I speak up I could face consequences and possibly lose my job. Like I've said before our HR dept is one not to be trusted. The company is very large and I'm intimidated. I was a little surprised when there was a sexual harrassement complaint e-mailed to corporate and they never even came to investigate. So, I don't feel confident in them. If I was to speak w/an atty, why should the company have to suffer for his actions? I like my job and find it very fulfilling and rewarding. I've thought to look for another job but why should I have to leave after all of the hard work that I've done to completely change things around for them? I've allowed this to affect my evenings and weekends. I feel stress, anxiety and trapped. It's exhausting!

[Outcast]

Why are you being so loyal to the company? You do realize you mean nothing to them? Take action - for your sake and for the sake of all your female colleagues. If you get fired - great. Dealing with this will do you more harm than losing your job will. No job is worth the stress and hassle which wears on your physical and mental health.

[jerbear]

Hi Content, I am sorry to hear about your problem and wished the reason to revisit LS was under different circumstances.

 

The problem with corporations and their structure is the power of those higher up having less supervision.

 

I do not know what you can do the next time is to start an arguement the next time he touches you and do it VERY LOUD. Storm out of the office and head to HR, call security and keep the office intact for evidence.

 

Seek counsel AND notify HR that your boss has made unwanted sexual advances in additional to assault and battery.

 

I would have to say this is a tough situation.

 

Sexual assault has a 3 types:

 

1. Prima face sexual assault: it is blatent
   
2. Quid pro quo: something for nothing
   
3. Hostile environment: pictures, sayings, suggestive actions
   

 

It seems that he has crossed over to two areas, prima face and quid pro quo.

Maybe even hostile environment because of his suggestive actions.

 

Lets look at prima face, did you tell him to stop touching you? If so it enters the realm of prima face because he touched you, even if he hides behind "old school tactics"

 

For quid pro quo, you feel threatened by his advances and feel you have to abide by them because you need a job.

 

My suggestions:

 

The situation has to be documented but before you do it seek counsel.

 

In regards to lawsuits and sexual assault guidelines, I suggest you seek out a lawyer to see what can be done with an hostile boss and hostile HR department. (yes HR protects the organization).

 

If he does it again it would be when you tell him off, storm away and goto HR. Make a scene. Then call his 2nd line and 3rd line manager (not supervisor) Also call your friend at another division who has an higher office.

 

In regards to company loyalty, it was used in many cases, so what he loses his job? The thing about exec's and c-level people is public scrutiny or worse yet, the stop of stock trading. He has the same feelings as you, he feels he can get away because he is the boss. That gets into the quid pro quo and hostile environment.

 

The issue is even more blatent if it is causing you pull your hair and mental anguise.

 

There is a possibility you may get dismissed, that is when a sexual assault suit can be really filed against the company. Please seek counsel on the statue of limitations for your state, usually at Dept of Labor.

 

If you can PM, give me a Private Message, however I believe counsel is a better choice.

[Content10]

I'm loyal to the company because I feel that it's not their fault, it's his. This has definitely taken a toll on my body and health. My husband is disappointed in me because he know that overall I am a strong person. I can't imagine the length and stress of pursuing this with an attorney but it's hard to think about how long I've put up with this too. So, you don't think that I should talk with corporate? Thank you.

[jerbear]

I think you should seek counsel, like a prior post, sometimes force has to be used. It may not be your thing but let someone else do the fighting and let them get paid. Everyone has a motivational factor, counsel and your boss have money so put them two and see who gets ahead in the long run. Your boss won't get promoted anymore because of this incident regardless of outcome.

 

Many people understand that, when force is used, it has be used to annililate and not be fair. Not be fair as in:

• he needs a job, I won't pursue
  
• he is my boss and does a good job, I won't pursue
  
• he has a wife and kids, I won't pursue
  
• the company is good, I won't hurt the company
  

 

The company is already hurt because you are losing productivity, Your boss is making unwanted advances potentially causing the company money.

 

Certain actions have to be accounted for, you boss is accountable for his actions. He is an appointed person of trust in the company and also therefore a "spokesman" for the company.

 

I suggest outside counsel before filing a sexual harrassment complaint with the company. You will need evidence of his advances, including those asking you out to dinner.

 

Edit:

 

Evidence has to be preserved before HR is notified. Many things can happen including your work ID no longer working and therefore your case is gone.

[dgiirl]

Why havent you just been straight and to the point and tell him that you are uncomfortable and want him to stop? You've let this go on for a year now and the guy is totally getting mixed signals. I dont think you have the right to accuse him of harrasement when you havent even told him to stop. I would strongly suggest for you to talk/email him and tell him that Although you've accepted his teasing and attention in the past, it's always made you uncomfortable and you want him to stop now. I'm not surprised your husband is disappointed with you. I would think you could be stronger too. Simply stand up for yourself and say no.

[Content10]

dgirl-I have told him to stop. I have witnessed him doing things to others. I feel he thinks he is untouchable since he is is the top dog. This has gone on for so long because he does it for a couple months and then stops for a couple months and I hope each time he has realized what he's doing. HR isn't even phased by his sarcasm and comments. Everyone is used to it. It's ridiculous! I guess I finally had enough when the consistent hair pulling started about a month or two ago. I told him to stop or I'm going to make him buckle. He finds it challenging apparently. He did kick my employee in the but also and when I seeked advice with corporate they said only talk to him my employee wanted me to. She said no but was very shaken about it and wanted to let it go. Jerbear-thanks for your HR advice. I have collected some evidence. It really comes down to witnesses and I think most will run and hide.

[dgiirl]

A couple of months? He wouldnt be able to do it for a couple of weeks before I blew up and told him off. I briefly skimmed over your past posts in this thread, so I didnt gather you already told him to stop. And by telling him to stop, i mean telling him to stop or your going to kick him in the balls stop. You really have to be aggressive in these situations, even if they come away thinking your a bitch. If you've done all that, then get a lawyer and sue them. But before you do all that, make sure you have been VERY clear in you wanting him to stop. Otherwise, you wont have much of a case.

[jerbear]

You would be surprise about the run and hide; depending on the size of the company, some may actually come out.

 

Some large cases actually had man come out once a suit was filed. Once it is filed it is public record.

 

If you told him that his advances are not desired, do it in an open forum; if he kicked your butt; you ask for an apology then and file something. At that point it becomes hostile.

 

Having been thru an office romance, it is not easy, it is worse when one party gets out of line.

 

I would not suggest kicking his balls yet. Let him make a fool first; once he touches you again; report it make a scene. If he kicked you in the butt, that would be harassment and even assault & battery. Most work places have policies and procedures in place.

 

Now your cowarding coworkers are another, issue.

 

Does he send you things over email or IM? Save some and even print them out.

[Content10]

He doesn't send to much with e-mails. For the most part he keeps them professional. I can recall him calling me a brat, saying something about running down the street naked but than apologized for the visual. He does all of these things in my office. He called me a couple times at home in the first 6 months which I thought was really odd and he asked me if I had something to tell him. Of course I said no. He plays a lot of mind games and he always has a way out of his sarcastic remarks. Not to keep going on and on about all of this but he is not the only one that physically touches me. The other man's girlfriend works there and I feel sorry for her that she has no idea he is this way with me.