I Have No Idea What I Am Doing

[pretty baker]

Let me give you the scenario....I was 17 and went to a concert. I saw a guy I went to school with 1st-3rd grade. We recognized each other and started dating. It has been 3 and 1/2 years now. We broke up last year around March through July b/c I felt taken advantage of, like I wasn't very important, and that we just weren't communicating.

 

In July we got back together. Both of us had done a lot of thinking and he, especially, had made some changes in him self. Our relationship really went well and the flowers began to blossom. It has been rocky at times, as is with any relationship.

 

I'm 21, in college, will graduate in May to become my dream of a teacher, and still live at home with my mother. He is ready to get married and talks to me all the time about it. I continue to tell him that I am not ready to make this decision. He doesn't like that answer, but he accepts it. A little bit about him: He is still 20 until October, lives at home with his parents, and makes good money at his jobs: Fireman/EMT & HVAC tech. with his dad.

 

Recently, I started questioning this relationship. I just started thinking, "Am I supposed to be with this guy?" Sometimes I really feel like I am and sometimes I don't know. I considered taking some time away from him and not dating anyone; just being me. I also considered dating other people b/c I have had some offers. But, when I think along those lines I start to miss him before I have even done anything. I feel bad and guilty for even thinking such a thing.

 

The other evening we got in a fight over a stupid issue: whether I said somehting or not. THe whole deal wa that he assumed and the misunderstanding blew up. This lasted from 10:00 until 12:30. I wanted to end this issue, (and we should have been able to b/c it was a small thing), come to an understanding, and then move on to talk about other things. He wanted to just end it, leaving it unresolved, and since I couldn't just go on and talk about something else like he wanted, he hung up. Normally I call him back. Actually, I always call him back.

 

I called someone else this time so that I wouldn't call him back. We talked for about 40 minutes. When I got home, my mother told me that he had called 10 minutes ago and asked that I called him. We ran this in the ground and because we were both tired we came to a sort of understanding, (probably b/c it was 12:45 and we both had work in the morning). We ended o.k. He didn't really say anything comforting though.

 

I went to school (college) and then went and saw an elderly friend of mine. She and some of her roomates were watching the movie "Titanic." That's a good movie and very emotional. I left there and immediately used my cell phone and called my boyfriend's cell phone. I was really feeling bad about what happened yesterday and told him how much I loved him. He was at his grandfather's shop (his grandfather is a mechanic). He was dropping off his work truck and had asked his grandmother, who works there with his grandfather, if she would mind leaving work and taking he and his helper home. I told him I would love to do it and I didn't mind at all. I was like 2 minutes away from there and I would love to take him. He told me that if his partner wasn't with him he would let me but not this time. I told him I didn't mind at all, he was welcome and that I had plenty of room in my car. For starters, me taking he and his helper home would have saved his grandmother a trip. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded, especially if he had told her that his girlgriend was going to take them home.

 

He just got mad, I cried because it hurt my feelings and I wanted to see him even if it meant just driving him home. So, I told him I guess I needed to let him go if his grandmother was ready to take them, and that was that, he said, o.k. The end.

 

It really hurt my feelings. I'm just feeling bad and like he doesn't really care nor does he see what is going on. I'm not sure what I'm doing, how to feel or see this, or what to do. Any insight would be VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.

[Suzanne]

Let me give you the scenario....I was 17 and went to a concert. I saw a guy I went to school with 1st-3rd grade. We recognized each other and started dating. It has been 3 and 1/2 years now. We broke up last year around March through July b/c I felt taken advantage of, like I wasn't very important, and that we just weren't communicating.

 

In July we got back together. Both of us had done a lot of thinking and he, especially, had made some changes in him self. Our relationship really went well and the flowers began to blossom. It has been rocky at times, as is with any relationship.

 

I'm 21, in college, will graduate in May to become my dream of a teacher, and still live at home with my mother. He is ready to get married and talks to me all the time about it. I continue to tell him that I am not ready to make this decision. He doesn't like that answer, but he accepts it. A little bit about him: He is still 20 until October, lives at home with his parents, and makes good money at his jobs: Fireman/EMT & HVAC tech. with his dad. Recently, I started questioning this relationship. I just started thinking, "Am I supposed to be with this guy?" Sometimes I really feel like I am and sometimes I don't know. I considered taking some time away from him and not dating anyone; just being me. I also considered dating other people b/c I have had some offers. But, when I think along those lines I start to miss him before I have even done anything. I feel bad and guilty for even thinking such a thing. The other evening we got in a fight over a stupid issue: whether I said somehting or not. THe whole deal wa that he assumed and the misunderstanding blew up. This lasted from 10:00 until 12:30. I wanted to end this issue, (and we should have been able to b/c it was a small thing), come to an understanding, and then move on to talk about other things. He wanted to just end it, leaving it unresolved, and since I couldn't just go on and talk about something else like he wanted, he hung up. Normally I call him back. Actually, I always call him back. I called someone else this time so that I wouldn't call him back. We talked for about 40 minutes. When I got home, my mother told me that he had called 10 minutes ago and asked that I called him. We ran this in the ground and because we were both tired we came to a sort of understanding, (probably b/c it was 12:45 and we both had work in the morning). We ended o.k. He didn't really say anything comforting though. I went to school (college) and then went and saw an elderly friend of mine. She and some of her roomates were watching the movie "Titanic." That's a good movie and very emotional. I left there and immediately used my cell phone and called my boyfriend's cell phone. I was really feeling bad about what happened yesterday and told him how much I loved him. He was at his grandfather's shop (his grandfather is a mechanic). He was dropping off his work truck and had asked his grandmother, who works there with his grandfather, if she would mind leaving work and taking he and his helper home. I told him I would love to do it and I didn't mind at all. I was like 2 minutes away from there and I would love to take him. He told me that if his partner wasn't with him he would let me but not this time. I told him I didn't mind at all, he was welcome and that I had plenty of room in my car. For starters, me taking he and his helper home would have saved his grandmother a trip. I'm sure she wouldn't have minded, especially if he had told her that his girlgriend was going to take them home. He just got mad, I cried because it hurt my feelings and I wanted to see him even if it meant just driving him home. So, I told him I guess I needed to let him go if his grandmother was ready to take them, and that was that, he said, o.k. The end. It really hurt my feelings. I'm just feeling bad and like he doesn't really care nor does he see what is going on. I'm not sure what I'm doing, how to feel or see this, or what to do. Any insight would be VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.

******************

 

All I can tell you is that you can and will change tremendously in the next few years. Now is the time for you to figure out who you are and what your life means. The early part of your life should be spent on exploring who you are. Realistically, you have never experianced anything else life has to offer. Don't fall into something just because it is there. Take a look around...travel alittle..live alittle before you make any commitments.

 

-suzanne