Men Who Can Overlook Body Scars?

[HopefulSagNAK]

I wasn't sure where to go to ask this question out on the Internet, SO when I found this site I thought that maybe this was as good a place as any to ask my question. I do want it known though that when I ask this question I am in no way wanting to offend anyone or imply anything, so PLEASE do NOT take offense, OK? I am just a female divorcee of 45 who is looking for companionship from a male who can "overlook" my physical scars and see the "real me" inside of the "said" imperfect physical shell! Are there any men out there who can see past "physical imperfections" OR who are actually attracted to those imperfections who would be willing to get to know someone like me?

[Ladylay]

I wasn't sure where to go to ask this question out on the Internet, SO when I found this site I thought that maybe this was as good a place as any to ask my question. I do want it known though that when I ask this question I am in no way wanting to offend anyone or imply anything, so PLEASE do NOT take offense, OK? I am just a female divorcee of 45 who is looking for companionship from a male who can "overlook" my physical scars and see the "real me" inside of the "said" imperfect physical shell! Are there any men out there who can see past "physical imperfections" OR who are actually attracted to those imperfections who would be willing to get to know someone like me?

There is somebody for everyone.

My brother has 75 % burns from a fire and is very happy in a relationship.

I think it is about "Attitude" If you are confident in yourself ,that will shine through.

Can I ask what your scars are from? Dont answer if you dont want to.

[HopefulSagNAK]

First of all, thank you for your "positive" words! It is nice to know that there are people out there that feel that way AND that someone read my question and responded to it!

 

No, I don't mind saying where my scars have originated from. I am honest and open about everything, and I find no subject to be "taboo." I have a "skin picking" problem which began from a period in my life of "extreme stress" and I unfortunately have scars on my face, arms, chest, back and thighs because of it. I am usually a very confident person, BUT since my divorce and trying to meet men, I have found myself very selfconcious of my scars. I try not to and I am not shy to show them, it's just that once they are out in the open, I feel extremely vulnerable to the man's reaction!

[Lishy]

I do not think that the scars will be a problem -

 

Do you still skin pick?

[HopefulSagNAK]

Thank you for your response.

 

Unfortunately I STILL do! I now have Chronic Urticaria as well, which isn't helping the work that I have been doing to try to stop this "unconcious" behavior. So things aren't looking-up in this "difficult" area!

[933KJL]

I am a guy and my ex wife had abdominal surgery in her 8th month of pregnancy and it left a very big (14") jagged scar from about mid stomach to "down there".

 

It was not attractive by any means, but it never was an issue for me. I was more into the woman and any "imperfections" were lost.

 

I agree that self confidence is key, and if you are confident you will do great. You may have to go through a bunch of people before finding the one, but it will happen.

 

One thing in your favor is that they are visible. If someone is going to be turned off, you will know right away, versus some hidden scars that may become visible when you are intimate.

[Lishy]

They key here is not the scars at all - It is the fact that you continue to do this!

 

I do not know about this condition at all so I cannot comment on the reasoning behind it - What I do know is that you must continue to get as much help as possible with controlling this.

[Tuna Pants]

I don't mind scars caused by accidents, operations or other unavoidable causes.

 

But self inflicted is another story. In that case it's not so much the scars as it is the mental state of the person that puts me off.

[clandestinidad]

I'm a skin picker/peeler too. Not to your extent, but I've picked/peeled the skin on my fingertips for as long as I remember, as well as my lips and I bite/peel the inside of my mouth (sometimes the sides of my tongue too). If I chew gum it keeps my mouth busy and I dont do it....I chew gum often..hahaha

 

Like you, these things increase when my stress/anxiety level increases.

 

I also have other scars on my body. One from cutting myself, and the other (much larger) from collarbone surgery to put a metal plate on it (its at least 6 inches long and VERY noticable).

 

I dont really think about these things much though. They are a part of me. I try to reduce my stress levels, but its not always possible. I suggest getting some counseling. Have you ever done that??

 

Dr's can put you on medication to help control the compulsive behaviors you have, and will work through the issues you have which increase the behavior. Have you ever been on medication for it?

[HopefulSagNAK]

I am VERY impressed and pleased with SO many responses in such a short time! Thanks one and all!

 

I am especially pleased to hear the views of the men that responded. I appreciate ANY and ALL opinions; it helps me to get a better overall view on this subject.

 

I wanted to especially respond to Tuna Pants. I can certainly understand where you are coming from and you have a "valid point" when you say you are concerned with the "mental state" of the person. Unfortunately "self-inflicted" is NOT an easy subject to easily define and put "in a nutshell." I have always been a "strong" emotional person and because of that strength, I was the emotional foundation for both my husband and I, but with no one to talk to (including my husband), I didn't have any outlet for my stress (I have tried many ways of relieving my stress too!) and when my husband became "suicidal" and I had no support in place (he had a LOT of invisible mental scars, you see), my picking came out subconsciously in my sleep!

 

Kat23, thank you for sharing your experience. I have actually tried some meds for anxiety, BUT they have NOT helped. Most recently I have been working with a psychologist who also specializes in hypnotherapy, and we were making headway when I developed Chronic Urticaria (constant rash/hives that move around the body) in November. This condition is NOT helping me with my picking problem.

 

Thanks again guys for responding.

[BSS]

Its really positive that you are seeking help with this and that makes it very different for anyone you meet as this is something you are dealing with. For scarring try a treatment called prolagene from decleor it is natural and will soften the appearance of your scars it can be used face and body.

 

Keep working on yourself and your confidence and the rest will come in time. I think you are really brave in the way you are dealing with this and how positive you are about your future.

[Ladylay]

I feel extremely vulnerable to the man's reaction

 

As another poster said, your scars are visible.

This being the case, If someone did find them off putting I am sure you would know pretty quickly.

 

I really wish you well there is surely someone out there, who will see beyond the scars.

 

I would love to know how you progress , if you feel up to it. :D

[basscatcher]

I too have issues with my appearance in attracting men..

I have a strawberry birthmark on my face that covers my left eyelid and almost all of my nose. I have been wearing makeup (heavy) since I was 14 years old.

 

Because I wear so much makeup I also have outbreaks of acne and suffer from adult acne. I am too insecure to go without makeup on. I am also afraid to have men see me without makeup because I've been told that as long as I wear my mask I won't have any problem attracting a man but to make sure I never let them see me without it..

 

I have almost perfected makeup.. Those who have seen me without it are amazed at my transformation. Even little kids have made comments..

It took me almost 2 months before I would let my current bf see me without makeup on. I always carry a bottle of makeup in my purse for touchups and I am always cautious when blowing my nose or rubbing my face. I am very careful in not allowing a man to touch my face anywhere near my nose for fear he will rub off my makeup..

 

I have been gawked at, teased, talked about, gossiped about all my life because of my blemish on my face.. Most of the men I have had failry long term relationships with have been caring, tolerant and understanding of my blemish. I will never be able to get rid of it. All I can do is cover it up.

 

There are people out there who will overlook our flaws no matter how bad they are. Let people get to know who YOU are.. Not just let them see what is on the outside.. If you don't make your being shine then how can they see past what is on the surface... ??

[Ladylay]

I too have issues with my appearance in attracting men..

I have a strawberry birthmark on my face that covers my left eyelid and almost all of my nose. I have been wearing makeup (heavy) since I was 14 years old.

 

Because I wear so much makeup I also have outbreaks of acne and suffer from adult acne. I am too insecure to go without makeup on. I am also afraid to have men see me without makeup because I've been told that as long as I wear my mask I won't have any problem attracting a man but to make sure I never let them see me without it..

 

I have almost perfected makeup.. Those who have seen me without it are amazed at my transformation. Even little kids have made comments..

It took me almost 2 months before I would let my current bf see me without makeup on. I always carry a bottle of makeup in my purse for touchups and I am always cautious when blowing my nose or rubbing my face. I am very careful in not allowing a man to touch my face anywhere near my nose for fear he will rub off my makeup..

 

I have been gawked at, teased, talked about, gossiped about all my life because of my blemish on my face.. Most of the men I have had failry long term relationships with have been caring, tolerant and understanding of my blemish. I will never be able to get rid of it. All I can do is cover it up.

 

There are people out there who will overlook our flaws no matter how bad they are. Let people get to know who YOU are.. Not just let them see what is on the outside.. If you don't make your being shine then how can they see past what is on the surface... ??

 

Is that your picture on your avator? If it is you would never know..

 

 

I've been told that as long as I wear my mask I won't have any problem attracting a man but to make sure I never let them see me without it..

Ouch thats harsh,

[Craig]

Physical scars don't bother me, regardless of how "severe" they are. It's the person inside that counts. Unfortunately some people with scars hide themselves away and seem to actively avoid relationships. I dated a woman that had about 10% of her body covered in scars and quite frankly didn't give them a thought until she mentioned them. That's when I realized they were a problem for her and did my best to assure her that she was not her body. It must have worked because she dumped me and got married, LOL.

 

I had a friend that was badly burned in an explosion and he hid himself away for years. Finally, nature took its course and a beautiful lady came into his life. Now they are happily married, have 3 kids and a normal life.

 

I developed Chronic Urticaria (constant rash/hives that move around the body) in November.

I'm not an expert on CU but could the outbreaks be weather related? Not that the weather causes the symptoms but perhaps create conditions where the symptoms are more likely to be present. I lived in a cold cold cold cold cold and very dry climate for several years and the cold and dry weather did definitely have an effect upon many peoples skin.

 

my picking came out subconsciously in my sleep!

A low dose Tricyclic Antidepressant (TCA) Eg. amitriptyline, doxepin, nortriptyline or (5 to 25mg) can help reduce sleep interruptions from picking. Check with your doctor about this. You won't experience an antidepressant effect from dosages this low but it may prevent or reduce your picking while you sleep.

 

Welcome to the shack!

[basscatcher]

Is that your picture on your avator? If it is you would never know..

 

 

Ouch thats harsh,

 

Yes that is me. I am not afraid to show myself nor am I hiding in LS. My mother and friends including my current bf all know I come here. I have nothing to hide.

 

Makeup is wonderful, also lighting and photo's usually don't show it all unless it is a close up and has good pixels..

 

Yes men have been very mean to me growing up and in experiences in dating. I should be a very very bitter person but I believe God gave me a good heart and I am very forgiving

[Ladylay]

[quoteYes men have been very mean to me growing up and in experiences in dating. I should be a very very bitter person but I believe God gave me a good heart and I am very forgiving

__________________

]

 

You are very beautiful also.

[i am a woman so i'm not coming onto you:D ]

[Ladylay]

Sorry I cant edit my posts yet I hope you understand the above post.

[basscatcher]

Sorry I cant edit my posts yet I hope you understand the above post.

 

Yes I do entirly... I didn't take it that you were hitting on me... I've had women hit on me before.. :lmao: I'm not into that either..

[monkey00]

im not sure what kind of scars you have.

 

But to me scarring on a girl isnt a concern. currently im seeing this girl who has some minor scarring on her temple. apparently some car accident when she was a kid. However i didnt notice it until one morning.

 

However she did a good job at covering it with makeup!

But anyway it was barely noticeable and i assured her i like her just the way she is. However she said something about getting it fixed a few months from now...oh well go figure.

[HopefulSagNAK]

I'm sorry that I haven't had the time to respond to ALL of you kind and supportive people individually. But I wanted you to know that I have read each and every one of your responses and I appreciate your suggestions and thoughts on this subject.

 

I will NOT forget what ALL of you have said to me.

 

I want to wish you blessings for now and for the future!

 

Thank you!

 

[BigB]

I'd just like to add that my sister has a pretty noticeable scar on her cheek from a bicycle accident, and she's never had a problem dating. She met a really great guy and has been with him for a few years now.

[Milo]

Thank you for your response.

 

Unfortunately I STILL do! I now have Chronic Urticaria as well, which isn't helping the work that I have been doing to try to stop this "unconcious" behavior. So things aren't looking-up in this "difficult" area!

 

You might consider getting some psychological treatment for this obsessive/compulsive behavior. There are actually drugs now that can diminish the cravings in conjunction with therapy, of course. One can't simply take a pill and forget about it. Plus, while you are there in therapy you can learn more about compulsions and get over some of the guilt/shame.