Author Pipman Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well guys, I ve just broke the NC rule. Sorry. Yep! I phoned her. It was a 3 hour conversation, and it remained light, and upbeat. No analysing the past when we where together, no begging in gettin back or anything like the sort. My ex told me a ton of stuff, more than half as much when we where together. My ex was quite surprised, and said that she didnt hear from me for a long time. Well 7 days isnt really that long surely? She had been telling me that she has been in tears every couple of days or so. I asked her why and she said she `felt life`s crap`. She is having problems at her work, and not getting a pay rise, work is stressful, her 2 kids, and a guy she met on the internet calling her derogatory names and stuff. I m beginning to think this NC business may be wrong. In fact I didn`t even think of her once at all at work!! In the last past months I have noticed that her face and her image has not been on my mind as it used to be when we she first broke up wtih me. Am I moving on? Mybe I am but since my last phone call to my ex last night. I feel a whole lot better!? Could it be that I still am in contact with her, and now have moved to the stage to being `a friend?`. I can draw barriers here. I can`t make her come back to me with NC but with NC you will lose all contact and may never see her again. The way I ve come round to this way of feeling was because I had lost my mobile phone for a few minutes. Some girl at work thought it was a laugh to hide it. When I got my phone back, I thought to myself. Hey what if the ex lost her phone, and has a new phone. I would be texting a lost mobile number. What if she moved, I sent her a letter and she never recieved it because of the move? The bigger picture is. If you do have NC and this goes on 1 month, to 1 year, to2 years etc. What does really achieve? Everyone is different they say, and I ve been told its about self healing. Is it really, if we are counting the months, and years? Well I ve broken my NC timescale here, and I m going to do reduced contact. I won`t have to worry about counting the days when I don`t speak to her. I spoke to my younger brother today, and told him that I called my ex and she had been crying. I asked him why is she telling me this now, after we broke up. He replied, well she may have no one else to talk to and she is talking to you as a friend. Maybe that is what she needs at the moment a friend/shoulder to cry on. She did complain just after a few days we broke up that `I never bothered to check up on her or try to find the time to understand what she was going through`. I m exploring my possibilities here. I ve heard from other female friends that they have fallen in love again because the other significant had always been there. Any opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 NC is to heal not to get someone back. when you love someone you will never forget them or vise versa. just because you are shutting them out for a period of healing, it does not mean you will forget about them Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pipman Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 So I m in reduced contact with my ex. I feel a lot better. I m not pinning as much as I used to. I can still look out for other dates, after all she split with me. I don`t think I m torturing myself her Caliguy by contacting her. I believe it keeps the conversation fuel burning. I m thinking that if NC contact where to go on, and she is enjoying life with someone else then let it be. Let her be happy. I can`t make her come back, but if if her neew realtionship falls to pieces then maybe she will comeback, and who was in the background as a friend? I don`t think I m clinging on to her. I have been doing other stuff like going on s college course and dancing lessons. Although my ex is at the back of my mind. I wish her good luck. Maybe for her the grass is greener on the other side. I think I d rather still be in her life than not, through reduced contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Good luck Pip. I think you're setting yourself up for more heartbreak. It rarely works out the way you describe though. And besides, do you really want to have her come back to you after she's done seeing whether the grass is greener on the other side? My pride wouldn't allow that. Hope it works out for you though. Link to post Share on other sites
dprelz Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 I don`t think I m torturing myself her Caliguy by contacting her. I believe it keeps the conversation fuel burning. I m thinking that if NC contact where to go on, and she is enjoying life with someone else then let it be. Let her be happy. I can`t make her come back, but if if her neew realtionship falls to pieces then maybe she will comeback, and who was in the background as a friend? QUOTE] You think you're the first guy to think of this strategy dude? It's not going to work, listen to that caliguy, he's trying to help you. He knows because he's been there, just like me. You really love this girl right? You want her back? Then you have to let her go, make her miss you. NO CONTACT. ZERO. This will let you regain your strength and self esteem (which is obviously missing right now). She will more likely come back after no contact rather then you thinking you're clever and hanging on to her as a friend. Listening to her talk about guys to you like your're so horrible and stupid she can't date. Link to post Share on other sites
Melica Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 get a new interest. There is a girl out there just waiting for you to find her. Link to post Share on other sites
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