Bekkie Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I am remarried, happily, to a wonderful man who gives me everything I need on every level!. The problem is that he is so open with me that I have seen into his heart when he has often spoken of an ex girlfriend from his younger days- many years over since before we even met. It is really painful for me to see him miss her, and I spoke to him about it when he began to mention her name at least every 2nd or 3rd day. All our holidays and alone times are tainted by some memory recounted by him. He does not do this wittingly, and has actually stopped now for the past few months. However, now that he says nothing, and every time he is quiet, or spends time away, I am consumed with pain at the thought of his pining after her. He said that was not the case and he didn't realise I was being hurt - but he seems confused about it himself. They do not have any contact, but she lives in the same country and he could find her if he wanted to. He tells me he broke it off with her because she flirted so much, and that had their relationship not had so much turmoil, they probably would have married eventually. She was also a virgin when he met her, and this seems to mean a lot to him - what is it with guys and this purity thing, especially sinse she was such a cock tease after all! He has told me countless times how sexy and hot she was, and how intelligent etc. etc. I know he will go to councelling with me, but he is intelligent and caring, and will deny it even if he does still harbour feelings for her. I can sense it (or something), and can't live with the person I love, if he doesn't reciprocate my love. I have even seen him react to the sound of her name, and although he is loving towards me and treats me lovingly, he hardly ever actually says the words. He is quite a loner and a very private person - all who know him are still amazed that he actually married (he was 33 and had been single for a while when we met, and I was a divorsee with 2 children). I fell pregnant and we moved in together. It worked well and we were married when our daughter was over a year old. We have been together for 5 years now, and I just can't move past this thing. I know he loves me but I don't think he is in love with me - does this make any sence? I almost preferred it when he was open about his thoughts, at least I knew when he was thinking of her, now I am always wondering! Do any of you guys have any male insight into this? Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I only have female insight, but from what you said; she lives in the same country as he, and he could find her again if he wanted to--but the point is that he hasn't. He married you instead. Females tend to overanalyse things like this. I think it's our competitive nature, always wanting to be "number one" with the guy. But it sounds like you're number one already. Link to post Share on other sites
fail to understand Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I don't think I can give you any advice really except to say that at least he was telling you when he was thinking about this other woman, I have only just found out that my partner, who I love to pieces, is still in love with one of his ex-girlfriends and on top of that this ex-girlfriend is a close friend of his that up until now i didn't know they had even dated in the past, he doesn't know that I know but I need to know the reasons and why he is still with me if he loves her so much, the only time he tells me he loves me is if I say it first and I just can't take it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Thanks ILTC, I know this about myself - very analytical with every aspect of my life (and sometimes others' too) I must just keep reminding myself that he does love me completely, but it would be nice to hear it from him more than once a millenia! Perhaps I'm just more in love than he is. How to get the love of your life to love you as much. I sound so ungrateful and silly now! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 From this man's perspective I just don't get it. I cannot see why a man of that age would act like this. He has not done anything wrong, as has been pointed out, he chose you. Why on earth would he behave like that? Nope, can't think of a reason. Not one. Sorry, maybe there are other men who will be able to explain it, but sure can't. Sorry not much help really. Link to post Share on other sites
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