Is it finally over?

[dgiirl]

It took me a really long time to stop feeling that it wasnt over. I would have bet my life he'd come back. He never did. Funny eh? But it did take him to move out his furniture before I started thinking it might be really over. He didnt move out his furniture till 10 months later.

 

CC, if you read my last post, make sure your lawyer knows what he's doing. A separation agreement is important, but make sure you dont pay for things until after the year anniversary either.

[Ladyjane14]

Just one quick question, as much as I'm moving further and further away from my previous life, why is it that when I do see my HEX I sort of lose the anger I feel for her and feel more pity than anything? Weird eh? Also, I still have this weird feeling tht this really isn;t over, maybe me not letting go who knows... Eventually I hope that the feelings I still retain leave me, really, eventually they have to be put away for good.

 

Good to see you, Canuck.

 

I'm not sure what to tell you in regards to your question. I would imagine that it might be necessary for you to make a decision that you will be proactive in resolving those lingering feelings at some point. In other words, you'll decide that you don't want to keep those feelings anymore, and you'll decide when it's time to let them go.

[Gunny376]

Go down to a pond or lake. grab yourself a hand full of rocks. One by one throw them in. Observe the ripple effect.

 

Each one of those rocks, are representative of "the argument" that lead to the separation, of her moving out, of her? Of you.

The ripples are the feelings, the emotions. At first they're sharp, violent, and then they diminish as they ripple outwards.

 

Its just energy dissipating. It will fade in time. It doesn't mean anything. Its part of what your heart must go through to heal itself. You're well on your way.

 

Just think of the most calm, self assured, confident person you've ever know, and think in your mind, in their voice "It'll be alright! No matter what! Its going to be alright!' That's your matra, say it 1001 times a day.

 

And, you know what? Its true. No matter what ~ its all going to be alright!

[Sup]

and let you all know what's been happening.

 

The HEX has been here for almost two weeks preparing the house for sale, I've been away on business all week and next week also, so she goes to her YOUNG friends place while I'm home, (I'm OK with that now, if anything is happening it's weird but whatever I really don't care anymore). She is desperate to get the house sold since she wants her share, she is seeing a lawyer soon to get an opinion on the sep aggreement, ( too late) but she's also playing financial games now too ( Not paying her share of short term debt). This isn't going to divorce too soon but I'm moving on, been on a few dates but really, at my age and where I'm at emotionally, I don't want to move too soon. Anyway guys, read Lor's thread, sounds like she's doing OK.

DGirl sweetie, hope you;re doing good and the rest LJ, guns, hope you guys are also.

 

Just one quick question, as much as I'm moving further and further away from my previous life, why is it that when I do see my HEX I sort of lose the anger I feel for her and feel more pity than anything? Weird eh? Also, I still have this weird feeling tht this really isn;t over, maybe me not letting go who knows... Eventually I hope that the feelings I still retain leave me, really, eventually they have to be put away for good.

 

Do the best you can to protect YOURSELF and the children, are you going for sole custody? Hang in there.

[CryingCanuck]

Someday I will be happy!

Someday I will be stronger!

Someday I will forgive!

Someday I will forget!

 

Someday my life will stop moving liek a yo-yo................

 

Will I ever stop loving her? Someday maybe I will, but if I do, it won't be because I wasted to, but HAD to.

 

This past week was the toughest week of my life, a brutal personal tragedy hit my wife (Ex) something you would never wish on any person, and regardless of all the anger, hurt, and frustration she has caused me, it not only broke my heart but made me hate myself for the hurt I may have caused her regardless that it may have been perceived or real on her part.

 

My only wish for her right now is that she recovers from this, and will let me help in any small way.

 

As most of you know, I was almost there in regards to applying for a divorce, but now, for the time being at least, I will take that off the table and concentrate on helping her get better.

 

I'm not thinking that this might bring us closer or back together, I know now that I could never take her back, but she was my best friend for over 23 years, I have to be there for her and not cause her anymore stress or hurt than she is presently feeling.

 

Man life can be so cruel to some and at such a rotten time.

 

cc

[Gunny376]

And, shows you've got a good heart ~ you're a good man Canuk!

[dgiirl]

CC, you already know how I feel about what you are doing and going through. You really are a good man!

 

As for the falling out of love, I found comfort in the fact that I didnt NEED to. Noone could force me to fall out of love with my exh. I could love him for the rest of my life if I really want too. All I needed to learn was to let him make his own choices. And this is what you need to do. Dont worry about falling out of love, about moving on, about what tomorrow will bring, because frankly you cannot predict the future and ANYthing can happen. All you need to do is work on getting through today. Focus on yourself, and work on things that will improve you, heal you, fulfill you, and work on things that you can give back to the universe. You dont need to worry about love and relationships and all that. Let that come to you instead of you looking for that. Trust me, when you are ready, it'll come.

[Ladyjane14]

I've got to echo what Dgiirl and Gunny have said.... you're a good guy, Canuck. You've consistantly chosen the high road.

 

Lovely sentiment by Dgiirl, btw. Well worth reading TWICE.

 

As for the falling out of love, I found comfort in the fact that I didnt NEED to. Noone could force me to fall out of love with my exh. I could love him for the rest of my life if I really want too. All I needed to learn was to let him make his own choices. And this is what you need to do. Dont worry about falling out of love, about moving on, about what tomorrow will bring, because frankly you cannot predict the future and ANYthing can happen. All you need to do is work on getting through today. Focus on yourself, and work on things that will improve you, heal you, fulfill you, and work on things that you can give back to the universe. You dont need to worry about love and relationships and all that. Let that come to you instead of you looking for that. Trust me, when you are ready, it'll come.

[CryingCanuck]

you three.

 

The next few week, months I thinks will be harder than the last 8, but I know I can get through it and help my X and make her life a bit more bearable while she goes through what she will have to.

 

D! thanks so very much for your words, they will help me tremendously over the next while. I only hope this is the last major shock I will be forced to endure for a while at least.

Again guys, thanks, you're so supportive and understanding.

 

CC

[dgiirl]

CC, I really hope so too. But during my own crisis, I really believed that God (or Universe or whatever you believe) truely gives us just enough that we can handle. I was litterally a nut case when my exh just walked out on me. He abandoned me, shortly after I found out that I might lose my job, I knew I would have to sell the house, and I would have to move, and if I was going to move, I'd move back home, and I've never in my entire life lived alone or was responsble for anything. It was a LOT of things to deal with, and everyone felt it was urgent that I move right away. I had a really really hard time for a while. I kinda closed down, stayed away from my family so that I could grieve in private and heal. After about 6 months, my mom got really sick and was hospitalized. I almost couldnt bare it. But something inside me told me that this wouldnt be happening unless I was strong enough to endure it. And that it happend 6 months after and not sooner was on purpose too. Thankfully my mom has been doing well. She's still going to the hospital for weekly checkups (a year later), but at the time it was extremely scary. But it also gave me a wakeup call. I was crying for 6 months, non-stop over the death of my marriage. And this experience made me realize that it was time to stop mourning my marriage and to start focusing on other important things in my life. I wish I could say that I healed quickly after that, I didnt, but it was definitely one of those defining moments that started me in the right direction.

 

As bad as what happened to you and your ex, I truely believe this is one of those moments that tests your character to see what you're made of. To really let you know who you really are, and to give you an opportunity to re-examine what is important in life, and what you want your life to look like. And for every horrible crappy thing that happens to us in life, it's up to us to take something positive away from the experience. In your case, you are doing a really honorable thing. You are giving your ex time to breath and time to heal before pursuing your own needs.

[ilmw]

That was an awsome post dgiirl... thanks.

 

I felt your pain... and to read your own thread... it shows how far you have come...

 

I felt... honoured to read it:o

ilmw

[ilmw]

you three.

 

The next few week, months I thinks will be harder than the last 8, but I know I can get through it and help my X and make her life a bit more bearable while she goes through what she will have to. CC

 

Your rollercoaster ride keeps on going eh? I feel for you buddy..

 

But to read your posts... it just shows your character... Its been said before... and I'll say it again..

 

Your a good man:)

 

Be strong and good luck.

ilmw

[CryingCanuck]

My Ex has called me from where she is now living and is not bad. I told her what is going on here and keeping her informed of everything. She will be back here in a week of so but I'm not really looking forward to it but Oct 9th being the Canadian Thanksgiving and thinking that maybe this will be the last time we can be sitting at a table all together as a family I really want to do it.

 

Today during our talk, I mentioned to her that last night at supper with the boys I sort of broke down and , well she always said she wanted me to feel the pain I apparently caused her 20 or so years AGO well I'm feeling it now, almost as if it were yesterday. Well she blows up at me and says that it took me long enough and that I got off easy years ago. Her anger towards me see's no bounds and maybe I deserve a lot of it, but all I did today, is say that I didn't say what I did that to upset her and that I'll let her go.

 

I know that anger can destroy so much, but when does it end? I know I was "angry with my DAD" I blamed him for a lot of stuff but eventually you grow up and realize that the anger is just an excuse for not taking responsibility for your own actions and eventually it will destroy you unless you grow the heck up.

 

Anyway today is not a good day but I know that eventually the sun will again shine...

 

Again thanks so much to you all, I only wish I could talk to someone in my real life like this but even if I had the chance I'd pass.......................You all know so many of my weakneses .........

[CryingCanuck]

Hi everyone, I didn't realize it's been this long since I left this thread and started that other one. ... Well it's been what? almost two years, well that guy who attacked and raped my EX while she was doing all those crazy things with younger men back when we first separated...

HE was convicted of Sexual assault this past Friday.

My Ex was in town to testify two weeks ago, and saw our boys for the first time since Christmas ( yes she just can't do without them can she now) .

 

Now what a show was too, she comes here for a trial but doesn't ever come here to just see them, actually I'm fine with that.. the less I hear or see of her the happier I am and the less stressed out I get.

 

So the rape part is over.... done, fait acomplit ( for you guys not of the French persuasion that mean the job is a done D-Girl knows the saying I bet.

 

Okay I've been lurking here off and on for a wee bit, I'm up on ILMY's latest thread... Hey (I) maybe you should change that handle since that may not be the case anymore :-) But hey bud you're doing just great I notice and isn't it great to have your new digs and all and your son visits you often....

 

D-girl..... sweetie sweetie sweetie are we missing something ? I have looked but I can't find zip on you or what you have been up to...Inform me/US please... And guns you too and LJ and the other older regulars ( older as in earlier posters) not age.

 

 

Okay for me, well I can't for the life of me sell this house, so I'm stuck in no-mans land with the divorce situation, can't get it unless we come to a settelment on the house and that just isn't going to happen, she won't sign off on it and I can't buy her out unless I get a court order to set the price and that JUST AIN'T going to happen anytime soon, so I'm stuck, still married and hate it so much now all I want is to be totally free of this woman.

Now, this is NOT venom, as many of you know what I went through and how hard I hung in, when I finally reached the point of comfort in my letting go, I have no wish to look back nor do I wish to ever have any kind of meaningful relationship with that person, she has put me and my young men through so much,,, much more than any young men should have to deal with when it entails their MOTHER... Okay enough.....

 

I'm still with the same lady, been 15 months now but when I think of a life adjustment like living together I get major cold feet and change the subject... Retirement for me is in a few years and shoot I don't want to be alone and I do really love this person it's just that she's SO LIKE ME scares the heck out of me let me tell you....

I'm relatively happy folks, I do need a kick in the head every so often and I'm sure Gunny would volunteer to help Y'all :-)

 

LEt's stay in touch folks.... just wanted to let you know that a bad guy did get convicted, even though I sort of feel for him, in that I still wonder just what she did to possibly bring it on, but NO is NO and there is no excuse for what he did , and he deserves whatever sentence is imposed....

[Gunny376]

Good to hear from you CC, and good to hear that you and your boys are doing well despite the XHEX and her drama.

 

Hate to hear about the rape and all. (As a side note, there's an on-going court case [the State of Mass ~ as I recall] in which they were trying a case of rape in which the victim was initially willing to participate, but half way through the "throes of passion" changed her mind, and said "No" and now they're trying the guy for rape! And he's looking at doing 20 years! Jezz! I'm getting a videotape and a signed consent form in triplicate from here on!

 

I myself have serious doubt about getting married or even shacking up again for that matter. Here in LA (Lower Alabama) you're not common law in so long as you don't introduce the SO to others as your spouse, hold joint financial accounts, and/or make major purchases together.

 

Dgril posts from time to time. She's moved on, and seems to have made the transistion, and last I heard was marking time with some guy whose company she enjoys ~ although I believe she's taking it slow with him. But all in all she seems to be doing well.

 

LJ doesn't post too much ~ every now and again ~ she's been busy out campaiging for Obama!

 

Like you, I suspect both of them of lurking. Once a "Shacker" always a "shacker!

 

Take care!

[dgiirl]

D-girl..... sweetie sweetie sweetie are we missing something ? I have looked but I can't find zip on you or what you have been up to...Inform me/US please...

 

Hey CC Glad to see your post! Like you, I'm still lurking from time to time. I dont really have much news just that life's treating me pretty well and I'm still seeing my new guy. (Wow it's been about 10 months now!)

 

I'm still with the same lady, been 15 months now but when I think of a life adjustment like living together I get major cold feet and change the subject... Retirement for me is in a few years and shoot I don't want to be alone and I do really love this person it's just that she's SO LIKE ME scares the heck out of me let me tell you....

I'm relatively happy folks, I do need a kick in the head every so often and I'm sure Gunny would volunteer to help Y'all :-)

 

This is great news I can relate to the cold feet Dont worry so much about it tho! Just try and take each day as it comes. If you look at the situation logically, there really is nothing to get cold feet over. If things dont work out, meh, they dont work out C'est la vie. We survived it once before, we can definitely survive it the next time.

 

Glad to see you around

[Devildog]

CC? dgiirl? Sheesh? Is Ladyjane here too?

[ilmw]

Hey CC... great to hear from you.

 

Wow... I had kinda forgotten.. the drama you hex.. had been putting you through.... and it still continues... wow.

 

Cold feet... yeah.. I can see that. I so can see that. I can't imagine 'me' getting into another relationship... so just don't see it. I don't know how I could trust another woman.... (no offence ladies) I guess that is just my frame of mind.. been there before... it goes away in time I guess... but not to worried about it.

 

You sound like your in a pretty good place... hey you keep in touch... then so will I...

 

I lurk way more now ...than I post too ...lol

 

I'll keep the nic ilmw... it is east to remember... lol

[Ladyjane14]

How good it is to sign on and see an update from you, Canuck!

I'm glad things seem to be cooking along mostly well for you.

 

Okay for me, well I can't for the life of me sell this house, so I'm stuck in no-mans land with the divorce situation, can't get it unless we come to a settelment on the house and that just isn't going to happen, she won't sign off on it and I can't buy her out unless I get a court order to set the price and that JUST AIN'T going to happen anytime soon, so I'm stuck, still married and hate it so much now all I want is to be totally free of this woman.

 

Heck, I think I'd just go ahead and do that... get an appraisal, a court order, or what-have-you, and just "git 'r done". You don't want to let too much time go by. Your new lady might end up on here posting about how you're not really available and wondering if she's some kind of "Other Woman".

 

Seriously, it sounds like your STBX would be content to just maintain the status quo indefinitely. Meanwhile back at the ranch, a woman doesn't have to be ready for marriage in order to want her boyfriend all to herself. There's patience and then there's stagnation, Dude.

Don't be mistaken for the latter is all I'm saying.

 

Good to see ya, Man! :bunny:

[Ladyjane14]

Is Ladyjane here too?

 

Nope.

 

Hey, you're one to talk Mister. You've posted what?... like five times this whole past year???

 

Anyway... good to see ya DD! :bunny:

[Ladyjane14]

LJ doesn't post too much ~ every now and again ~ she's been busy out campaiging for Obama!

 

 

Dude! How'd you know???

 

I'm busted, I guess. I've been sneaking in to men's restrooms and posting Obama Campaign Contributions Here... over the urinals. :lmao:

 

 

Seriously, don't get me started. I'll be getting nasty-grams from the mods again.

But HOW anybody could take that two-bit phony politician seriously I'll never know. He hasn't run so much as a hot-dog stand for pete's sake, how the heck is he qualified to run a whole country?.... {fade to barely audible grumbling}

[Darth Vader]

CC, STBX HEX is intensionally holding out on ya while she's having her fun, then she'll try to make you pay for it, is there anyway you can get her off the pot? Have you talk about this with your lawyer?

[Gunny376]

Chill Darth! CC is a Vet! He knows where the trip-wires are, and can spot the snippers in the trees! He can spot a "bouncing betty" a mile of! No German Sheperds required!

 

He's wired like you, I, DRosster, dMargel, a4a cta, LJ, just to name a few

 

 

 

~ Walk your post, flank to flank ~. don't take and s*** of any rank!

[CryingCanuck]

DV, and LJ, I'm honestly watching my back, regardign my HEX. I do have a lawyer and we have been in contact regarding the house and divorce but here in Ontario and I bet in Canada and North America for matter, getting real estate and asets settled prior to divorce is almost a M U S T .

 

I am trying to have the house appraised at todays real estate values and sock it to her, it's not as if I owe her a flying duck.... I did attempt to discuss finances with her this past Monday and was called a thief and other not so nice words and then ( this is the funny part) she calls the kids while I'm at work and tells them that she is so sorry for all the hurt she ahs caused everyone and wants to make it up to them when we sell the house.. Gee I thought I was the one responsible for everything.. The boys think she's funny, which in a way is so sad but hey ( you make your bed, lie the hell down in it).

 

LJ I totally agree with you regarding my "friend" she will wait around as long as she knows I'm moving forward on moving forward... ILMW no you can;t change your nick, who the heck would know it's you, and D-girl,, my sweetie pie from La Belle Province, so glad to hear that things are good with you "T"

 

Devildog CC? dgiirl? Sheesh? Is Ladyjane here too?

 

Holy Tammoly DD is here too, my lord I can;t think of anyone missing and if I do, I'm sure they will appear out of the blue.

Sure sounds like most of us are moving forward quite well here, can you guys remember all the talk about how we will ever get through this, and looking over a few of the new posts, and a carbon copy of waht we have gone through, how we recovered how we moved forward for mostly the better.

 

One final thing.....ILMW ( I ) good buddy, right now is not the time to think of you're moving forward, you were so busy trying to get yourself better and fixing things in your marriage, that you never really accepted it was over because it wasn't ... but now it is, and you, my friend are the newbie here, and as much as you've a head start in a lot of things, the idea of ever being with someone is a back seat thought at best, BUT IT WILL BE THERE EVENTUALLY....

A nice person like you.. It's enevitable..sp

 

C.C.

[Darth Vader]

Chill Darth! CC is a Vet! He knows where the trip-wires are, and can spot the snippers in the trees! He can spot a "bouncing betty" a mile of! No German Sheperds required!

 

He's wired like you, I, DRosster, dMargel, a4a cta, LJ, just to name a few

 

 

 

~ Walk your post, flank to flank ~. don't take and s*** of any rank!

 

 

When do I not chill? Anyway, just watching his back. BTW, take a look at this Thread. Read the whole Thread first.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t156051/

 

You'll like this Guns, this guy has a pair the size of 2 Death Stars!

 

Not even a whimper from this guy!

 

Oorah!