Is it finally over?

[CryingCanuck]

Ohhh LJ if you only knew how I've tried to talk to him regarding his actions, I mean really talk....Man to Man, dad to son, friends to friends...Yesteray he was telling me how my rules are so easy, his friends parents are not anywhere near as forgiving or caring as I am, or his mom for that reason....

I even said to him just yesterday afternoon during our discussion that I understand his smoking pot is basically a socially accepted thing here in Canada, and I'm in law enforcement and it's still officially illegal.... BUT NOT ON MY PROPERTY.. I said that I will not tolerate his having drugs or paraphanalia on or near our property and he told me he agrees.

 

He said that the kids that came over were having their Grad party and just dropped by and he didn't know what to do... He apparently told tham that they can stay for 10 mins but would have to leave.... Maybe I blew it out of proportion, but his attitude really sucks. He is so very angry at everything these days who can really blame him...and I worry that if I push him to far, he could end up in trouble like a lot of our kids these days and be out on the street.

 

It doesn't have to go this far... I'm really thinking that I maybe am the blame for a lot of this, I may have overreated, I was tired and angry at begin with, woken up, but still it was only his 1st 12 hours home.

 

Well hopefully we have this big family meeting and we can all sit down set down some fair ground rules and hopefully this won't happen again....

[Ladyjane14]

At 18, he's an adult. The consequences of his behavior are going to be that of an adult and not a juvenile as you well know. Busted by Dad... he ends up sleeping on Mom's couch. Busted by the cops... he ends up sleeping in a holding cell.

 

If he doesn't know it now, he's going to have to learn it quick. So... no, I don't think you over-reacted. His behavior was disrespectful to the rules of your home, which were agreed to in advance of his return. And a week before he turns 18, his excuse is "peer pressure"???

 

He's a young man, that's true.... but a MAN still. It's time to act like one.

 

I'd certainly give him another chance, and let him come back home. He knows you're serious now, so that's a good thing. But there's no reason you should back off from your stance. What he did wasn't okay. It wasn't responsible behavior. And you let him know about it.

 

If all this crap with his mother wasn't going on, you wouldn't have tolerated that kind of disrespect without a response. So, why would you do differently just because you and his mother are separated?

[CryingCanuck]

Thanks dear lady, I do need to hear it from a third (unrrelated party) You're totally correct.

My W came over a few hours ago, we talked about our son and what she has done to cause a lot of it, (her saying that not me).

My son calls me from his mothers, we talk a bit and he tells me how sorry he was but insists that they came over without any prompting from him but that he was wrong to fall to "peer pressure" and that he wants to see if we can wipe the slate clean and try this again.

I know he's going to slip up, heck who wouldn't under his stress, but I have to have a bit more patience for the kid, yes he's smoking pot and yes he's been out of control for the past 6 weeks but really who's fault is that?

Yes it's his but I think he has some adult role models who need the kick in the ass.....

He's home we'll work on that instead of trying to fix anything else for the time being. Right now his mother leaving for that other town might just be what WE ALL NEED...............

[CryingCanuck]

Last week I mentioned to you all that my W has been hanging with this 25 year old guy, my son was thinking that nothing was happening but he also thought that maybe something was.

 

My W was over at the house all day yesterday doing yardwork with me and stayed for supper but didn't want to stay much later as she said she was tired and wanted to relax all evening at her apt. taking a bath and getting to bed early.

 

Well she also mentioned that there was something wrong with her puter a few days before that. So this morning I was running into town and decided to stop at her place to fix the puter and have a cup of coffee.

 

She comes down, opens the door and closes it right behind her. That told me right away that something was up. I asked her and she says that she's not alone that the young guy is the but NOTHING HAPPENED.....

 

Well I hit the roof, telling her that OK this is the way she wants it NP, divorce in Canada for Adultery is still on the books and I'm going to apply for one next week.

 

I'm livid and say some mean things calle dher a slut a few times, things like that . Well later in the morning she comes over gives me s*** for thinking that she would sleep with a 25 yar old and that the guy was at her door at 3:00 in the AM after having lost his keys and wallet and had nowhere to sleep. She said she couldn;t turn him away, he was the only personin our town who treated her nice and wasn;t trying to get her into bed.....

 

I wanted to believe her, especially with all the other stupid things she has done since our separation, seh makes some pretty bad decisions both personal and financially. She tell me that, that's one of the reasons she left because I never trusted her....

 

Well I said that maybe if she didn't put herself into compramising situations I wouldn't ever have those feelings. We ended the conversation OK but I have this question.

 

WAS I WRONG TO ASSUME SOMETHING HAPPENED ? or am I wrong to believe her...

 

My W had told me that she had spoken to the young man and it wasn't appropriate for them to hang out as much as they do and that her kids thinks soemthing might be up so she says. Anyway, I don;t want to think I'm being a mean prick, but I also don;t want to be a fool and close my eyes to something innapropriate either..

[Billy Bob]

She comes down, opens the door and closes it right behind her. That told me right away that something was up. I asked her and she says that she's not alone that the young guy is the but NOTHING HAPPENED.....

 

By her actions I'd figure something is up too.

 

the guy was at her door at 3:00 in the AM after having lost his keys and wallet and had nowhere to sleep. She said she couldn;t turn him away, he was the only personin our town who treated her nice and wasn;t trying to get her into bed.....

Kind of weird behavior, so whats the deal with this 25 year old guy who likes to hang out with older married/seperated women? How does the dips*** lose his keys and wallet? Is this a story she concocted to save face? Did she offer up any of these details at the time of the confrontation? Or did she have 6 hours to think up the story?

 

How would she react if she came over and you wouldn't let her in because you had a 25 year old girl sleeping over? Later you told her the girl lost her purse and keys and had nowhere else to sleep.... That would sound like a load of BS wouldn't it.

 

Don't know, could be the truth? But I do know that 25 year old guys can be really horny.

 

I'm with you CC, I'd have my BS meter out and stay alert.

[dgiirl]

I would have reacted the exact same way CC. Who knows, she might be telling you the truth, but I would be suspicious too. And like cta says, how would she react/feel if the shoes were reversed. She needs to be a little understanding and empathetic to how it looks. It's not merely trusting someone, but also knowing that that person would not put themselves into these situations in the first place.

 

Where does this kid live? If it's in an apartment, why the hell didnt he contact his superintendent?

 

I dont know what you want to do from this point. If this is the first time this has happened, them maybe give her the benefit of doubt, but I wouldnt also be naive and think nothing happened. If it did, it did, if not, great. Today's a new day, but I'd also keep a close eye on her too.

 

What is the situation between you too? Do you have an agreement to reconcile, and not see other people?

[Spurned]

Aw, CryingCanuck, it sucks you're going through this.

 

Your wife is involved with this 25 year old guy in the carnal sense, to put it lightly. Of course she's going to deny it! Who wants to look like an adulterer and to deal with the drama?

 

He's 25. Doesn't he have other 25 year-old friends to hang out with or to crash with? At that age, I was trying to screw lots of different nurses, and sex was one of the primary things on my mind. And when you're alone at a girl's place at 3 am in the morning, you're not talking about politics over coffee. I wouldn't say that I'm that different from most guys either.

 

I would NOT give her the benefit of the doubt. You can accept her explanation, thank her very much for it, tell her regardless of whether it's true or not, the fact that you are all in this situation is unacceptable and you just don't want to have to deal with questioning your trust for her anymore. There ARE limits to what you SHOULD have to deal with in a marriage, and even in a separation, as I've come to learn. And that fact that you have a son who has to THINK that his mom might be having sex with this 25 year-old guy . . . geesh, it makes me sick to my stomach.

[CryingCanuck]

Not sure in the least what I think, on one hand I know she's so messed up, especially since last FEB. I know she's in a very deep depression, I know that she's not thinking straight.

 

She called the boys earlier and gave them hell for ever thinking she would do anything remotely intimate with someone near the age of my oldest son. I've never seen her react to something the way she has reacted to this, she actually told me about the keys and wallet less than 15 mins after I left her place but still I was pissed to say the least.

 

Now she's apparently rethinking everything she has done over the past 5 months but I told her that until such a time as she's gotten herself some help (not just seeing a Psych for 15 mins every month) but real help for her lonstanding illness, I think it's best I stay away from her. Told her the door hasn't been totally shut but with her moving to near TO in the next month, she will be free to do whatever she wishes but if I get any idea that she's with someone else for whatever reason, I'll finally be applying for a divorce, which is absolutely something I wasn;t even considering before now.

[Ladyjane14]

I dunno, Canuck.

I'm at an age where 25 year-old guys are only attractive in an aesthetic way. Pretty to look at... but that's about it.

 

I guess it depends. I suppose some women might be into that whole May-December thing.... but your wife has sons that are close to this kid's age. And while I agree with Spurned that guys in that age group have little else on their minds.... I'm not sure that a woman who's old enough to be his mother is necessarily going to illicit that particular response.

 

So... I couldn't tell you if they're messing around or not. But I think it's equally possible that the kid is looking for a surrogate mom. He might have more interest in raiding her purse... than in raiding her panties.

 

When things settle down a bit, maybe you could ask her if she's lending him money and whatnot. Forgive me for saying it.... but she sounds a bit gullible.

 

I know she slammed the door when you got there, and that would seem to indicate guilt. But on the other hand... it could also be that she was expecting a jealous reaction from you. I don't think it's enough evidence to make decisions on.

[CryingCanuck]

I really think you're bang on about the surrogate mom thing, with all the problems we've been having and her illness and the way she handled things this morning I honestly believe that she has not done anything wrong, especially the way she spoke to me when she came to the house a 1/2 hour later.

 

And to be truthful the guy doesn't look at all his age, he looks more like our 18 year old too.

 

It's just the frustration, anger and resentment that is building up to the point where I feel that I'm being pushed into something I really hate the thought of doing....

 

Damn why is this so damn hard? I really thought I let go months ago only to admit that I still love my wife and want what's best for her more than for me.... I wish (really ) wish I could just say goodbye, I tried my best to change things in me for the better and it simply wasn't emough and leave it at that instead of constantly putting out fires that she starts....

 

Dgiirl, I hate to say this but love really suck at times eh?

 

I know one thing guys, I think I'll be around this thread for some time yet.

[Spurned]

Hey, older women are sexy too!!!

 

I just don't want to see you being BS'd, CryingCanuck. Hey I don't mind if I'm way off and totally wrong and I look like an idiot if it's for the sake your marriage. It's actually a pretty common technique to go on the offensive when you're caught in the act. Let's just say I learned that from a certain crazy woman with whom I used to be involved. She'd say things like, "How could you possibly accuse me of such a thing?" or "My friends and family know I would NEVER do something like that." And at first, I wanted so desperately to believe that she didn't cheat on me that I felt GUILTY for accusing her of having an affair. Of course, now her excuses and my guilt are laughable after all that I discovered and came to realize. I see that as a very very strong possibility for your wife's yelling at your boys.

 

Don't feel bad about going off on her. You should never have been put in this position in the first place.

 

Maybe he did lose his keys. But who hasn't "lost his keys" or "missed the last bus going back to my campus" (the latter is my excuse when I first started dating my ex-girlfriend in college, it worked back then when I was a lot hornier and it precipitated a five-year sexual off-and-on relationship).

 

Good luck, I'm hoping for the best for you.

[Gunny376]

A 24 year old Marine Lance Corporal was the OM, in my breakup, year long seperation, and subsequent divorce.

 

I later found out from her "so-called" best friend ~ who also had a boy toy ~ that it was she that put her up to it. Supposely the way this angle works is that you (the woman) goes out and gets a younger man that going to pay and give her lots of attention that the over-worked, stressed out husband can't or 'ain't' Supposely, an emotional affair ~ where she's getting her emotional buttons pushed ~ but not actaully doing the deed.

 

The husband mind starts going "monkey" on him ~ and then you enter the downwarad spiral ~ after a while it begins to feed upoin itself.

 

Here in the Deep South, its pretty much a un-spoken custom ~ that if you're not a male relative ~ you don't go into another man's house when he's not home and its just the wife and kids. Any "business" you've got to conduct ~ is conducted on the porch or out in the yard in plain view. Despite my experience based prejuedices ~ I'm going to side with LJ on this one ~ even Judge Roy Bean ~ the hanging judge would have to say, "There's just not enough evidence to hang the SOB!" on this one.

 

Me? I wouldn't buy off on this "lost keys and wallet" business. I mean think about it? Two things 99% of most any and all men would go "ape" over losing would be their wallet and their keys!! Me, and all the men that I know would still be out there trying to find them, calling the police, calling the bank, calling the credit card companies. He's 24 years old and doesn't have any friends? He doesn't have any siblings? He doesn't have any parents? He doesn't have any frat brothers? Give me a break.

 

Then there's the show "Cheaters" and other such live and real life media shows, such as Cops.

 

On "Cops" when usually when a white guy gets busted, more times than not they go peacefully. When a black guy gets busted he takes them on a 15 mile chase on a car, then runs through a whole nehiborhood, get tackled by two or more Cops, and after they handcuff them ~ he says, "What? What did I do? Women get busted ~ just about everytime they either try to con their way out of it ~ or more likely than not its going to take five cops to put them in the car.

 

On "Cheaters" EVERYTIME its the woman that gets busted they get PO'd! And its the guys fault that they're cheating, running around, and go a horing! EVERYTIME!

 

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ~ its probally a damn duck~!

 

I'm not saying drop the "D" bomb on her ~ but I want you to recognicze what's going on here with the 24 year. the moving to TO, dumping the problem teens in your lap to deal with ~ then look at DD, and UK. In everycase ~ the man is the cause of all her problems in life ~ and I'm just sorry! It doesn't work that way. You can't solve your problems by running away from them, because whereever you go ~ there you are. She's not just running away from you and the marriage, and the family ~ she's running away from herself and her life and you can't do that! Its not possible.

 

I bought off onto a lot of my ex-wife's same BS! It tore me up. I got really bad depressed ~ got to hitting the bottle hard! And for a long time. Re-bounded into another long term relationship that lasted six-and-a half years. Beat myself up like I was Mike Tyson. I mean bad. Myself esteem, respect took a serious nose dive. I got down pretty low ~ and its been an up-hill battle back to where I use to be. Because of what? A woman, and what she thought of me, because she rejected me.

 

Here's the really good part. I'm retired out of the United States Marine Corps ~ not an easy thing to accomplish. The attrition rate for enlistee's from the time they sign the enlistment papers until one year later is 47%. That is to say that 47% of everyone that enlists into the Corps ~ don't make it past their first year. I did twenty. I also have a college degree in finance. I, me, myself alone earn above the mean average household income for the state that I live in.

 

Ok? My point? My ex was an 8th grade high school drop out, who after years and years finally found the best job she could find working in a elementary school cafeteria. She's one of the "lunchroom women" of lore!

 

My point in all of this is to illustrate ~ that I emotionally, mentally, pyschologically invested so much into what this person thinks of me, her opinion of me?

 

By age 22 when I married her, I had accomplished more, seen more, experienced more, traveled more, seen more of the world than she has accomplished in her entire life! But, still it tripped me up!

 

I'm always listening to something, reading something, trying to learn something new. One of my principels is to do so. To keep learning, to keep growing, to get better. That's why I'm here as a member of LS. To learn.

 

CC ~ let it go, Bro, just let it go! I'm not sayig divorce her ~ I'm saying let "it" and her go! Fall back into your life, what you are, what you're about! Fall back into your passions, what really motivates you, what you really enjoy. Forget her for now ~ find out what you're about. Who you are! Quit trying to fix her, her problems, her troubles. Life's short Dude ~ it really is!

 

Get re-conected with you and what you are~! The person you are! As you are!

[Ladyjane14]

Me? I wouldn't buy off on this "lost keys and wallet" business. I mean think about it? Two things 99% of most any and all men would go "ape" over losing would be their wallet and their keys!! Me, and all the men that I know would still be out there trying to find them, calling the police, calling the bank, calling the credit card companies. He's 24 years old and doesn't have any friends? He doesn't have any siblings? He doesn't have any parents? He doesn't have any frat brothers? Give me a break.

 

See.... this is my worry, Gunny. This guy might have ALREADY tapped out all his other 'friends'. I think we've all met a few bums in our lifetime, people who have bummed all they can from their other friends and are always on the look-out for unwitting marks.

 

Yeah, life is hard when you're 25 in terms of financial success. It's particularly difficult for folks who don't have alot on the ball. But still, the only way I can imagine a guy "losing" both his keys and his wallet... is if he's too f*cked up to keep track of them. This makes me wonder if he's "bumming" on Canuck's wife.

 

It's impossible to know if that extends to sexual behavior or not. But that kid sure looks like a user from here.

 

I don't think you lost any ground, Canuck, in showing your disapproval. It sounds like it was an unpleasant scene... but in some respects it was fair, because it's representative of your feelings. It clarifies your position and what the consequences will be if your wife 'goes there'. I'll be honest though and say that should a similar situation arise, maybe less name-calling next time.

You put ammo in her clip every time she catches you losing your temper. So, next time say what you mean without giving her that particular GIFT.

 

You've been at this for 5 months now. It's time to start giving some thought to Plan B. Plan B serves two purposes. First... it gives your WW a signal that your patience is at an end. She has an opportunity to reevaluate her course, and decide if she's REALLY finished with the marriage. The stark contrast between having you in her life and having you out of her life is revealed. It gives her impetus to review her decisions.

 

The second purpose of Plan B is to remove YOU from the conflict. You literally move on with your life at that point. If your wife makes the choice to never come back... fine. You're cool with that, because you've got some distance. Your life has ceased to revolve around the WS and the choices that she makes.

 

It's always a murky decision as you try to decide upon a time to implement Plan B. Some folks wait too long. Their lovebank is empty, and they move on to Plan D instead. Some folks try it too early, and they end up moving back and forth between Plan A and Plan B, which makes them both ineffective.

 

I think the PERFECT time for Plan B is probably when your WS is complacent, assured that you're not going anywhere. When she's in a state of indecision, Plan A is good. But there comes a point at which observing the status quo has become a de facto desision. At that point... you've got complacence.

 

When you've got complacence on the radar, you want to strike with that Plan B before you run out of gas. If you wait until your lovebank is completely empty, you've waited too long. You won't want her back at all. Plan B should be a little difficult. Afterall, you're drawing a line in the sand with someone that you love. That shouldn't be easy as falling of a log, right?

 

You've still got some time, but if your Plan A has been a good one for the last 5 months, then maybe think about giving it one last push for a couple more weeks, in order that you can leave her with a pleasant taste in her mouth. Then implement your Plan B. Don't forget to give her the roadmap home in your Plan B letter. She needs to know what's expected of her.

 

After that, it's time to concentrate fully on YOU. Creating this distance will make it easier for you to do that. Each day that pases, while initially difficult, should put you further down the pike in committment to fulfilling your OWN life. And should your wife opt to NEVER take advantage of her opportunity to come home, each day should decrease the importance of it to your mind and heart.

 

Give it some thought. You're living in limbo right now, and while that's okay for awhile.... it's not going to make you happy indefinitely.

[Gunny376]

See.... this is my worry, Gunny. This guy might have ALREADY tapped out all his other 'friends'. I think we've all met a few bums in our lifetime, people who have bummed all they can from their other friends and are always on the look-out for unwitting marks.

 

Yeah, life is hard when you're 25 in terms of financial success. It's particularly difficult for folks who don't have alot on the ball. But still, the only way I can imagine a guy "losing" both his keys and his wallet... is if he's too f*cked up to keep track of them. This makes me wonder if he's "bumming" on Canuck's wife.

 

 

It's impossible to know if that extends to sexual behavior or not. But that kid sure looks like a user from here.

 

 

I agree ~ and I've meet some real "players" in my time. I use to be that I gave "everyone" the benefit of the doubt until they proved otherwise ~ now I'm suspscious of just about everyone until they prove otherwise. There is most definately something going on here that doesn't meet the eye?

 

I don't think you lost any ground, Canuck, in showing your disapproval. It sounds like it was an unpleasant scene... but in some respects it was fair, because it's representative of your feelings. It clarifies your position and what the consequences will be if your wife 'goes there'. I'll be honest though and say that should a similar situation arise, maybe less name-calling next time.

 

I agree ~ you definately did the right thing. You "manned up!" and you were righteous in doing so! I'm all about plan "A" ~ but you've got to dig your heal in somewhere and make a stand~!

 

You put ammo in her clip every time she catches you losing your temper.

So, next time say what you mean without giving her that particular GIFT.

 

I agree ~ when you start slinging dirt ~ all your doing is digging your own grave!

 

 

 

At some point ~ you've got to make the decision to move on. I know you love her ~ but at some point you've got to come to the realization that the possibility exsists that its possible to love and be in love with someone that is absolutely the worse person for you mentally, emotionally, pyschologically, and sometimes physically ~ and just for your own personal well being ~ you have to make the decision to move on and forward with your life.

[CryingCanuck]

If you've read this whole thred since it's inception last Feb, you know th eins andout sof our relationship at this time. I honestly thought I'd moved on, thought of my future without her but I was really only fooling myself.

Yes I love my wife, but do I want her back... NOT THIS WAY... I will not get into any kind of diccussion with her regarding a reconciliation until she has gone back into therapy on an ongoing basis.

 

 

I was hoping that we might be albe to get along and have a good friendly relationship but NO apparently that's not to be. I think that AGAIN it's time for me to cut my losses, I've been nothing but an idiot trying to fix something on my own, knowing full well that it taeks two to make this work and one apparently just isn't interested.

 

Her MLC and her depressive illnesses aren't my fault nor are they my problem, so why do I feel responsilb efor her actions. Time I growTF up let it die gracefully and move on. She leaves is 4 weeks, maybe not soon enough for my liking.

Thanks all

[CryingCanuck]

Thanks for everyone's input on this one. I haven;t let go but the time is now that I truly in my heart start to and end this thing. Her illness is not my Illness but it is making me such in some ways.

 

Yesterday I met with my wife, and it was not in the least cordial, she almost slapped me at her apartment due to something I said which was totally out of line and I would have deserved it.

 

Since Saturday morning things have gone from bad to worse and I've myself to blame for a lot of it. I have to finally move on for my own sanity, and whatever she does is her decision alone.

 

I had a long talk with my oldest son last night, I told him what I said to her and he told me that it's understandable with what she has been doing over the past 7 months and with what happened on Saturday morning was bound to happen he said that he has never seen her as sick mentally, obviously he doesn;t remember those times 13 years ago (thank god).

 

I'm lost and sad but I woke up this morning with the conviction of taking each day as it comes and trying to put my marriage and my previous life in the past and move on and hopefully, eventually, the hurt, pain,anger, resentment will pass too.

 

Plan B has to be put in motion and with that, I have to have closure, once and for all, I'll do waht is necessary for myself from here on in....

 

thanks again guys.

 

CC

[Gunny376]

Closure ~ I kid you f**king not, is not just a word. It is very much an important part of all of this. You need it, you've got to have it, its essential to move on. Without it you can linger, and wander around endlessly for years.

 

Queen Elizebeth I mourned for thirty years after the death of Prince Albert because she couldn't and didn't have closure. Its not a myth, a fallacy, a lie ~ and it ain't no freaking joke ~ it will and can seriously trip you TF up!

[dgiirl]

Closure is something you get from within. You make sense of the situation in your own way. I'm aiming for closure myself. I think I've got the basics, focusing on myself and being happy with what I have and the less I have to do with him the better I am. CC, sorry you had such a crappy day yesterday, but I promise you things will get better.

[CryingCanuck]

Thanks D, you're a bud.

 

How is the packing going?

[dgiirl]

I'm tired and stressed, but it's going pretty well. There's so much to do, so many people to call, and some issues with the actual sale of the house. I just cant wait till it's actually signed and sealed and never have to worry about the house ever again. I also got rid of a few huge items in the house, put them out on the lawn for garbage and ppl came by and took them. So I'm happy A few less issues to worry about. It's going to be a busy 10 days.

[CryingCanuck]

it's been a pretty tough couple of weeks. The XW moves next week while I'm away on a business trip and I'm actually looking forward to her moving.

I hope it gives me the break I think I need to work on myself without the constant reminders, especially since she's been here almost every day for the past two weeks. I doubt I'll have much to report to you all after that time, but if I need some help/advice/encouragement I'll be here in a flash.

 

Not ready yet for the divorce application, not rushing it, not wanting to even think about doing it but it's at least a possibility where before it was taboo.

 

 

Anyway that's about it.

 

CC

[Ladyjane14]

Thanks for the update, Canuck. I hope you will continue to keep us posted.

 

I agree with you that a couple of weeks out of the daily conflict will likely improve your perspective. It think in some ways that your wife is trying to keep you on the backburner while she tests the waters of her new life.

 

Her current action is to move away to another city. So, when you hear her words.... her action is what you want to bear in mind.

 

I think it's perfectly okay at this point for you to make decisions based singularly on your own personal happiness. When the time comes for you to make the hard choices... you'll be ready. You've paid your dues.

[Spurned]

Ladyjane, I think you should post your advice on every single thread on loveshack! It's like finding nuggests of gold while going through your pile of laundry!

 

Canuck, best wishes!

[Ladyjane14]

Spurned.... that is one of the nicest things anybody has ever said to me.

 

I think it's great, btw... that you're back posting. It's good for a few of these guys to hear that there's something wholesome and fulfilling on the other side of the crisis. You've got a real upbeat and positive message for alot of folks who are living in a murky place in their lives.

[iron_m]

CC: I feel for you, but you need to move on.

 

At this point, this is about self-preservation and nothing else. You want to get out of this $h*t in one piece... and the more you wait the, more you get hurt and the harder will be to heal and move on.

 

I know that you think of your kids and your principles and your dreams from the time you married her. But if you lose your sanity dealing with this... then, that will be very bad for all that you care about now.

 

Hope you are ok, bro!

 

PS: On another note I've read that you had a conversation with you 13 y.o... take care there. Your kids are not your buddies, maybe it is to much for them already what they are seeing. To have to emotionally support you will be incredibly hard even for a teenager. (just a coment, forgive me if I didn't got a clear picture)