justme00 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hi All, We have a 9 year old girl and have been on and off for the past 9 years basically with her dad. It has been on though for the last 4 years. (We are in our early 30's) So now that our daughter is older she is more involved with her dad and used to him. I was a single mom for the first 4 years basically and pretty happy with it being just her and I. Anyhow, we broke up a few weeks ago and he moved out. He has been seeing her once a week and calling a few times a week. It was going pretty good I thought....Tonight before bed (She was also VERY over tired) she started crying (we all spent the day together) saying how hard it is for her and how hard of a time she is having with us not being together. She misses us all doing things as a family and she says the house is different now that he is not here and that she knows of ways we can work it out and get along and can we give it one more try pleae.....I ended up holding her till she went to sleep. The reason we are not together is because we argue ALL the time over EVRERYTHING......The problems I have with him he is addicted to his computer game and plays till 3:00 AM and he is also a pot head and not a clean person (showers once a week usually) . There is also trust issues because he has cheated on me in the past and we can just never see eye to eye on ANYTHING....He also puts me down a lot and blames me for his problems........ I have been happier living with just her and I and I think he is happier also.....I want my daughter to be happier though...She is everything to me and I do everything for her...We have a great relationship.......I went on a date (it was an old crush from high school) the other night (she just thinks I went out with my Girlfriend) and had a great time but the next day I was all weirded out because I just didn't feel right..Like I was cheating on HER....I can't image ever bringing another man into her life....I can see me being single till she is 18. Unless I found a great single dad who had a girl her age that would be different for me....... My question and what I need opinions on is should I let my EX move back in? Should I sacrifice my happiness and be stressed all the time so she is happy? Like I got into earlier, I dont know I can be happy trying to date or having her unhappy because we are not together.....Help...........What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 If you really don't want your former S/O back in your home....then don't ask him back. Of course your daughter wants both of her parents in the home. That's only natural. But you have to remember that you're modeling relationships for her. She's learning from what she's observing. So, you have to ask yourself just exactly what you want her to observe. In this case, I think what she's witnessing is that drug use, poor hygiene, and inattentiveness are not condusive to keeping a romantic relationship intact. She should expect better of a man who wants to be in a relationship with her when she's all grown up. But I think you have an opportunity here to teach her some kindness too....in observing how you interact with her father. Perhaps some family counseling geared toward co-parenting might be in order. I can't help but think that you will ALL benefit if Dad becomes a more involved and and stable parent. Link to post Share on other sites
F150 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 As a "survivor" of a split home and observer of households with parents who are unhappy but stick together "for the children", I can say with much resolve that staying together in an unhappy marriage is never "for the children"... Just as LadyJane said, you are scripting your girl's future and accepted lifestyle. Just look at her and decide if you want to see her in the same situation in 10-20 years, hooked up with some greasy pot-smoking deadbeat hippy who doesn't bother with rudimentary hygiene. It's up to you to decide that right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Children learn what they live. Ask yourself what lessons your daughter will learn about relationships with her mother unhappy and her father filthy, addicted and untrustworthy. Those are the lessons she'll take into her own, future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme00 Posted February 7, 2006 Author Share Posted February 7, 2006 some greasy pot-smoking deadbeat hippy Thank you for the laugh!!! I know it wasnt meant to be, but I got a good chuckel out of that one. You guys are right, I know it in my heart, but my little girl doesnt understand it just yet. Hopefully it work out for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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