Impending breakup, very complicated.

[mjones]

This is going to going to be a long message, so I appoligize in advance.

Well, I don't know exactly where to start except that I went through a

breakup about six months ago, not more then a month after that I met

someone else, she had just been through a relationship where her EX put

a knife to his stomach in front of her two children, one 4, and the

other a baby. She had no Job, money, anything, her mom moved her into a

trailer and got her a car. I met this woman on the internet and had

been talking to her before all this happened with her boyfriend at the

time. She lived about an hour away from me and I went over there to

visit occasionally, I think it might have been a rebound but I started

dating her, Unfortuently her mom (maybe knowing she makes rash

decisions) had told her that no one was to stay at the place, well to

make a long story short it in only three weeks I convinced her to come

stay with me at my apartment (this happened after a huge blowout with

her mom telling her she wasn't allowed to see me). After that she moved

in here with her two children and things went well for a while, but

things have started to bother me, I'm not the cleanest person in the

world but she doesn't clean up after herself at all, except after I'm

made to feel bad for saying something about it. I'm not used to

children at all as well, They are good kids, but i'm not sure I can

handle all the noise and the responsibility of raising them in the

future. I'm pretty much living in the basement now and I realize that I

made a brash horrible decision to rush into living with her but I'm

starting to feel like I'm not sure I'm in love with her anymore, we

don't really talk a whole lot about anything, I don't care to spend

much time with her, and since she doesn't have a car anymore (her

mother took that from her when she left) she isn't working and has no

income of her own. We've been together about six months now and I'm

sure that I don't want to be with her romantically but I have no idea

what to do, I'm going to get her a car soon so she can work but I feel

so horrible about this, she doesn't have an income, i'm not sure about

how she'll deal with daycare while she works (govt subsidized maybe?)

and housing, subsidized as well? Being homeless

is an issue obviously,

I care for her and worry about these things, but I don't really want to

continue the relationship. Even with all these issues its tearing me

up to pretend everything is ok until she can get on her feet. If I were

to break up today I would have to live with an EX for perhaps months

before she could possibly move to a place, her relationship with her

mom is not so good, her mom picks up the kids to spend time with them

but other then that they don't really bond so her mom may not help at

all. I'm really not sure what to do, should I just stay with her and

pretend everythings ok until she gets a job so that if I finally break

up with her she'll have at least for some prospect of independance or

should I say something, If I did, I would tell her that she can stay

here until she figures something out, but its going to be heartbreaking

and tough on both of us, especially her, and with no idea when she can

get out on her own it will be even tougher. I feel so guilty for

bringing her here when its not working out, taking her from a place

where she had a prospect.... and then this happening. I'm also a little

worried about how motivated she is to be independent even though we are

together, I have mentioned getting her a car so she can work and she

doesn't seem the least bit excited about being able to get out of the

house or do anything on her own. Its really a horrible situation, I

hope someone can shed some light on what would be the right course of

action in something like this, should I say something now, or should I

wait and hope she gets it together enough to be able to get out on her

own before I say anything. Sorry for the long message, but I have so

much anxiety about this whole thing. I would appreciate so much any

advice.

 

Mike