Soulmate Silence

[Bryan]

My girfriend of four years left me on Aug 3. I love her dearly, have never called her nasty names, never fought nastily, never physical violence, however, I did take her for granted and belittled jer style of love for me as well as some of the comments she made. She said,"I need some space, I'm not happy and have been depreseed with the relationship for months. I do not want a commitment, relationship, or another man at this time, I just want some space. I sent her e-mails telling her how much I cared for her, cards that were caring, and phoned her as well. I have cried many nights for I know she is the one! My 9 year old son loves Kathy and he hurts as well. I found out that she told one of my friends that she wants to go to the movies with me, to dinner, etc, but the minute it looks like I am coming on to her, she will drop me.(last wednesday)She told me in a previous voice mail,"I'm not saying we couldn't start over but it would have to be slow and with less commitment." She told my sister the other night that she still would like to go to dinner one night. I have not heard from her. I am in Silence. What do I do. I LOVE HER, and the silence after a month is killing me!

[Vivien]

how long has it been? a month? i think if you truly love her and you are indeed soulmates, then you would be able to wait a quite a while longer. everytime it hurts, and you miss her, think---i am doing this for her, because she needs space, i have to be strong for her. love is not onlly about wanting to be with someone, sometimes that is more fear than love. love is more about letting go---the most beautiful thing in the world.

My girfriend of four years left me on Aug 3. I love her dearly, have never called her nasty names, never fought nastily, never physical violence, however, I did take her for granted and belittled jer style of love for me as well as some of the comments she made. She said,"I need some space, I'm not happy and have been depreseed with the relationship for months. I do not want a commitment, relationship, or another man at this time, I just want some space. I sent her e-mails telling her how much I cared for her, cards that were caring, and phoned her as well. I have cried many nights for I know she is the one! My 9 year old son loves Kathy and he hurts as well. I found out that she told one of my friends that she wants to go to the movies with me, to dinner, etc, but the minute it looks like I am coming on to her, she will drop me.(last wednesday)She told me in a previous voice mail,"I'm not saying we couldn't start over but it would have to be slow and with less commitment." She told my sister the other night that she still would like to go to dinner one night. I have not heard from her. I am in Silence. What do I do. I LOVE HER, and the silence after a month is killing me!

[nikki]

sounds like you hurt her really bad....you must have really took her for granit....that is the worst thing to do to a woman....when you love someone cherish it...it is a gift from God....take everyday like it is never coming again....and if you tend to forget to do this then it hurts the other....love can be so fragile yet so strong....all i know to tell you is to take one day at a time...and if she wants to go out with you, be on a friend note....even if it hurts...you took her for granit the first time but now you must cherish whatever she gives you....but then it may not be meant to be....but only time will tell....put your faith in God and listen to your heart......

My girfriend of four years left me on Aug 3. I love her dearly, have never called her nasty names, never fought nastily, never physical violence, however, I did take her for granted and belittled jer style of love for me as well as some of the comments she made. She said,"I need some space, I'm not happy and have been depreseed with the relationship for months. I do not want a commitment, relationship, or another man at this time, I just want some space. I sent her e-mails telling her how much I cared for her, cards that were caring, and phoned her as well. I have cried many nights for I know she is the one! My 9 year old son loves Kathy and he hurts as well. I found out that she told one of my friends that she wants to go to the movies with me, to dinner, etc, but the minute it looks like I am coming on to her, she will drop me.(last wednesday)She told me in a previous voice mail,"I'm not saying we couldn't start over but it would have to be slow and with less commitment." She told my sister the other night that she still would like to go to dinner one night. I have not heard from her. I am in Silence. What do I do. I LOVE HER, and the silence after a month is killing me!

[Bryan]

how long has it been? a month? i think if you truly love her and you are indeed soulmates, then you would be able to wait a quite a while longer. everytime it hurts, and you miss her, think---i am doing this for her, because she needs space, i have to be strong for her. love is not onlly about wanting to be with someone, sometimes that is more fear than love. love is more about letting go---the most beautiful thing in the world.

It has now been two months. Kathy called me the other night and said she is not ready to get back in the relationship with me, she does not want to be in a relationship with anyone else, she just wants to be alone. This all came about because she claims verbal abuse and smothering, all which I have been to 32 hours of counseling for in the last 5 weeks. I am ashamed of what I have done, will never do again since it has been addressed and the cause sourced, however, how do I win back the only woman I have ever loved as much as I do her? I was married 8 years, had a son(who lives with me 50% of the time) and on a scale of 1-10, that pain was a 6. This is an 11. I can't sleep, I've lost 26 lbs. and truly love this woman with all of my heart as does my son. She has an attitude of "The past is the past" and now I want some space and to be alone. I worry about her being with other's although she said she wasn't interested in that as I stated above. Should I believe her? I am truly ashamed and hurt painfully for all I do, everywhere I go, I think of Kathy.

 

Please help!!!

 

Miserable in Missouri

[Totally Confused]

how long has it been? a month? i think if you truly love her and you are indeed soulmates, then you would be able to wait a quite a while longer. everytime it hurts, and you miss her, think---i am doing this for her, because she needs space, i have to be strong for her. love is not onlly about wanting to be with someone, sometimes that is more fear than love. love is more about letting go---the most beautiful thing in the world.

this is some advice from a girl who's been in your girlfriends position. you need to hear what's going on in her head, because I know. I dated a man for 6 yrs. he was and has been the only man i've ever loved. we were soulmates. just because a person is a soulmate, does not mean it's forever. there are other soulmates out there. anyway, i date this guys for 6 yrs. i was soooo very much in love with him. i would have practically died for him. he was constantly breaking my heart. he would cheated on me a couple of times with his ex and then take it for granted that i would be waiting for him when he realized how much he missed me. finally his ex was totally out of the picture. the point is i felt i had worked harder on making the relationship work than he did and after 5 yrs of dating him, something in me died. i looked at him differently, because i finally had, had enough of it. i felt like i loved him more than he loved me. men tend to take women for granted, because women will put up with a lot, but only until we wake up. women more right away when she's upset or dissapointed. they will analyze something and talk about it until they're sick of hearing themselves talk and think. that's when she makes her decision to let go. once a women gets to that point, no matter what a guy says or does to change her mind back, it's too late. she'll never change her mind again. and she won't be the same person anyway. men work differently. they'll hold it inside. they push it away and try to stop thinking about it, and it will slowly come back up and they'll start thinking about in and feel something 6 mo later as if it had just happened yesterday. that's why you men should learn how to vent and talk. you'll feel better. anyway, after i lost all feeling for my ex, i just couln't get it back and that's when he realized he loved me. he would call me 10 times a day, write me poetry. i told him i did love him, but needed time. i didn't need time. when a person loves someone, they don't need time. think about it, when you've really been in love did you need time? No. you just want to be with that person all the time. My suggestion to you is to leave her alone. do not call her, do not contact her, do not bother her. she does not want to hear from you right now. she will call you if she wants to talk. if you want contact w/ her, try to find out where she's going to be at a certain place or time if you know her schedule and try to accidentally bump into her,so she can see you. this way, it will look accidental. DO NOT, i repeat do not look pathetic or try to use guilt on her. i promise you it will only turn her off and make her hate you. i now hate my ex because he wouldn't stop with the guilt and he wouldn't give me time to miss him. no one wants a pathetic person. if my ex had acted like he was dealing o:k w/ the break-up he may have had a chance. here it is 5 yrs later and he still won't leave me alone and he even has a new girlfriend. he is so pathetic. don't end up like him. and by the way, don't suggest couples therapy w/ her, it will make you look like a nerd. now there is one do. DO, when you speak to her, because in all the years you have left on this earth i promise you will see and speak to her again, let her know that you are aware that you took her for granted and you are learning from your mistakes and then let her do most of the talking. but for now, let it go and just wait. i wouldn't take her out to dinner, she's not going to change her mind, let that idea go right out of your head. let her wonder why you're not pushy the dinner thing. that will definitely peak her interest and make her come to you sooner. everyone wants to know that they can effect the life of a person that mean a lot to them at one point. something will happen in time, i promise, but you'll have to be patient until then.