newbby Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Being *different* in some ways isn't a bad thing to me. not saying it should be... Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 SF you did post that you have CD collection that would put most radio stations to shame....... I could care less about your cd collection. see how that works? a4a You're absolutely right - and it doesn't matter to me that you don't care. That is the part that, to me, some people don't understand. People will tell me about *whatever* and then they act as if they are disappointed that I don't share in their *whatever* feelings they have about it. It's almost as if they WANT me to care so that they feel good about it. Sorta like they are looking for some validation, perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Being *different* in some ways isn't a bad thing to me. SF it is fine that you are different! Super....... but it seems that you really focus on stating that over and over again. Do you think that is why you may have a problem in social circles? I am not being a smartass here! a4a Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 You're absolutely right - and it doesn't matter to me that you don't care. That is the part that, to me, some people don't understand. People will tell me about *whatever* and then they act as if they are disappointed that I don't share in their *whatever* feelings they have about it. It's almost as if they WANT me to care so that they feel good about it. Sorta like they are looking for some validation, perhaps? No. Usually they are trying to make conversation about something they consider to be a neutral topic. This has been discussed ad nauseum. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 You're absolutely right - and it doesn't matter to me that you don't care. That is the part that, to me, some people don't understand. People will tell me about *whatever* and then they act as if they are disappointed that I don't share in their *whatever* feelings they have about it. It's almost as if they WANT me to care so that they feel good about it. Sorta like they are looking for some validation, perhaps? Maybe they are looking to share with you, you are kinda telling them..... I dont give a fruck? a4a Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 You grow up you learn to deal with s*** that you may find personally to be meaningless to you. People are different. They value different things. That is OK. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I would say, though, that many people are placed in the position where they feel they have to do that at some point. I've seen lots of people on this board come into a thread and present a new angle or a viewpoint that differs from the majority if it's an issue they feel strongly about - or they see potential for an interesting debate. I don't hear all of them making a song and dance about how individualistic they are. There's such a thing as recognising that other people have certain qualities, and giving them credit for those qualities - rather than always just claiming the credit for yourself. To borrow a phrase from Blind Otter, I'm just sayin'... The perfect answer. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 SF it is fine that you are different! Super....... but it seems that you really focus on stating that over and over again. Do you think that is why you may have a problem in social circles? I am not being a smartass here! a4a All right, fine, I'll shut up. Happy? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 You're absolutely right - and it doesn't matter to me that you don't care. That is the part that, to me, some people don't understand. People will tell me about *whatever* and then they act as if they are disappointed that I don't share in their *whatever* feelings they have about it. It's almost as if they WANT me to care so that they feel good about it. Sorta like they are looking for some validation, perhaps? Often it's just small talk. Oiling the wheels of social intercourse. A "how are you?" (thinking "la la la - I might have kippers for breakfast tomorrow") B "Great thanks - and you?" (thinking tum-ti-tum....only a couple of hours before going home time...). Now you could say that A and B are socially conditioned hypocrites in comparison to C and D. C: "Hi. I know that according to social convention I should ask how you are...but I don't give a damn about any of that crap, so I'm not going to." D "You may think you're an individual for saying that, but I'm even more of an individual than you are...and if you gave a damn about my book collection, which we both know you don't, I would prove it to you. There are some truly obscure publications in there that hardly anyone else has read..which is precisely why I purchased them." Or you could say that A and B maybe just prefer to expend their mental energy on different things. Okay - I'll shut up too. And please note that this post is primarily for entertainment purposes and is not intended as a personal attack. It is light-hearted criticism only. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Often it's just small talk. Oiling the wheels of social intercourse. A "how are you?" (thinking "la la la - I might have kippers for breakfast tomorrow" B "Great thanks - and you?" (thinking tum-ti-tum....only a couple of hours before going home time...). Now you could say that A and B are socially conditioned hypocrites in comparison to C and D. C: "Hi. I know that according to social convention I should ask how you are...but I don't give a damn about any of that crap, so I'm not going to." D "You may think you're an individual for saying that, but I'm even more of an individual than you are...and if you gave a damn about my book collection, which we both know you don't, I would prove it to you. There are some truly obscure publications in there that hardly anyone else has read..which is precisely why I purchased them." Or you could say that A and B maybe just prefer to expend their mental energy on different things. A social experiment: I've decided to answer in gibberish whenever approached with small talk. Gribble frggum waltch. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Gribble frggum waltch. I was saying the same thing to a colleague this morning, but as she said Blkarbaloombing. She had a point, but on the other hand gnagaroomstead blahano. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Good God... I am ready for a cabin in the middle of Manitoba or Saskatchewan. The hell with this! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Good God... I am ready for a cabin in the middle of Manitoba or Saskatchewan. The hell with this! Gnooba? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Gnooba? Gnooba Cheese is one of my favorites... on water crackers of course. If you just put a bit of Myimgonnacarkara on it and warm it in the oven it is spakwartzen! a4a Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Gnooba Cheese is one of my favorites... on water crackers of course. If you just put a bit of Myimgonnacarkara on it and warm it in the oven it is spakwartzen! a4a You know that any minute now we're going to get into deep Shimaroomza for going off topic and speaking...well, shimaroomza. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I think they've already started employing the "words for personal use" in pop songs. Thanks Lindya. I've had "with a little but a uh uh and a little bit of uh uh" stuck in my head all gribfrichnk weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 People consider 'like me' to be validation of themselves. Unfortunately, there seems to be such a crisis of neediness that people seem desperate for that validation. I dunno. Maybe it's the breakdown of the extended family? Maybe in the absence of a familial group wherein one receives the validation one needs it's necessary to find it (and even force it) out of others? Smooch, try to contain your disdain. While it's annoying that people are so sheep-ish, at the same time, it's kinda sad that people are soooo neeeedy. Be grateful that you have been constructed differently, but don't rub it in people's faces. You don't *need* validation and you aren't crushed when people disagree with you - that's great but not everyone is that strong. It is what it is - no point in getting all upset about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Good post OC. I only wish I could apply more into my life about what you said, involving some of my family members... Especially the part about needing validation and disagreements. I am a people pleaser and because of that, at times (I'm better at saying NO to them as time goes on, still is hard, especially when dealing with my mom) I don't like to disappoint them. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 It's harder with family for sure, WWIU. You're bonded to them so their validation bears more weight. Still, if they don't offer it without condition, then sometimes you have to find it other ways for your own sake. Or better yet, learn how not to depend on others' opinions because their opinions are so often a product of what's going on inside them and not really about you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 When I talk with people such as my coworkers they all seem to parrot whatever they heard in Dr Phil, Oprah, Conservative talk radio or whatever outlet. It's like nobody thinks for themselves anymore. We need to be told how to think and I think that is why society is so fu-ked up right now. People are programmed. We are told how to dress, what movies to like, what music to listen to and what to eat. Society is training us and we don't even know it. Very few can break the mold and think for themselves. Totally agree!! I think people should really stop gulping those self-help books. If you want to really help yourself then you got to think for yourself a bit, talk with your friends, get advice from experienced people, seek professional help, and most importantly implement what you learnt. Not go to some bookstore, pay $25, buy a book, read it, toss it aside, and then go buy the next book from the same author.... We all know what we are supposed to do, its just that we won't do it!! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Smooch, try to contain your disdain. While it's annoying that people are so sheep-ish, at the same time, it's kinda sad that people are soooo neeeedy. Be grateful that you have been constructed differently, but don't rub it in people's faces. You don't *need* validation and you aren't crushed when people disagree with you - that's great but not everyone is that strong. It is what it is - no point in getting all upset about it. So people get upset when I *go against the grain* because I am not giving them some sort of validation by not agreeing with them or having anything in common with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Yep. That's exactly right. It makes them feel bad. I don't quite get it either but a lot of people *NEED* to be agreed with. Yes, it's sort of inherent to want to be with 'like me' but it seems that there's a goodly chunk of people that want it LOTS. Your standing apart is taken as rejection of them even though it's not so in your mind. But, as you know, it's how people interpret your actions that bites you in the a$$ so no matter how well-meaning you might be, you'll find people that will get insulted by the fact that you don't 'join in'. And then they get defensive and strike back. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 to be honest outcast, i think it is more because everybody likes to think of themselves as individuals, and they dont like it when somebody thinks they are more individual than they are. same way they dont like it if somebody says they are nicer than they are because of this or that, or more moral than they are etc... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 to be honest outcast, i think it is more because everybody likes to think of themselves as individuals, and they dont like it when somebody thinks they are more individual than they are. same way they dont like it if somebody says they are nicer than they are because of this or that, or more moral than they are etc... Newbby - right now I could honestly hug you for that. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 to be honest outcast, i think it is more because everybody likes to think of themselves as individuals, and they dont like it when somebody thinks they are more individual than they are. same way they dont like it if somebody says they are nicer than they are because of this or that, or more moral than they are etc... the above and add one pinch of arrogance to the formula a4a- my tater is smarter than your honor student Link to post Share on other sites
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