SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 But is she correct SF ? or is her info off base ? No she isn't correct about me but what difference would it make anyway? See, there's the *Halo Effect* again. She dislikes me, hates me, whatever so therefore anything I say is automatically dismissed. Don't you GET IT?! If I say I have seen a specialist and I was diagnosed as having Asperger's she will say "no, that is not true, you're lying, etc." If I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I am *normal*, everyone here is crazy blah blah she will say "no, you are mentally ill, you need to be medicated, confined, etc." Her prejudices against me will automatically make anything I say to be wrong in her mind... MOST IMPORTANTLY to me is the fact that I do not care what she thinks. She is not someone who is *special* to me therefore her views about me are irrelevant. If she chooses to be bitter, spiteful, hateful, whatever that is her thing and her thing only. It is a reflection of her, not of me. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I only responded because, from this post, it sounds like you're genuinely looking for advice. That is correct however there are some here who wish to, once again, turn this into another mockery. Why I have no idea but whatever makes them happy, I suppose. *shrugging* Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 MOST IMPORTANTLY to me is the fact that I do not care what she thinks. She is not someone who is *special* to me therefore her views about me are irrelevant. Hate to say this...But isn't this exact reason why you react as well? When someone doesn't try to understand you, respect where you're coming from? The fact her views/thoughts or whatever are irrelevant to you, why should she care about yours? Respect and understanding is a two way street. That's all, and SF, I'm not bashing you at all, I am just pointing out that what you get upset about is exactly how you feel you're getting treated. AND...This whole thread is stirring it up for everybody. My best guess is people will take things out of context, put their own spin on it and react. Then that fuels the fire and makes it worse, then everybody else reacts again... Again, I'm not bashing anybody. I'm sitting here reading just trying to understand the whole point of this thread and to me it looks like just another reason to have arguements. And I'm not arguing with ANYBODY anymore, especially right now as I'm coping with a death in my family, my close friend and neighbour who had surgery due to breast cancer and a friend who had a miscarriage too - SO honestly, I'm no shape emotionally to join in as I know I WILL take things too personally right now. Life is TOO short to have these pick-a-part threads guys! What's the point of it all? Thanks and sorry to butt-in here...I'm going back to the online relationships threads as I need to keep laughing today! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Not *arguing*, WWIU... The fact her views/thoughts or whatever are irrelevant to you, why should she care about yours? I'm not saying that she should care. but if she really doesn't care then why is she reacting to my posts with hostility? Why is she reacting at all? This whole thread is stirring it up for everybody. People have a choice to not get *stirred up*. People should take responsibility for their emotions and own up to them and quit blaming *the other person* for their emotions. And I'm not arguing with ANYBODY anymore, especially right now as I'm coping with a death in my family, my close friend and neighbour who had surgery due to breast cancer and a friend who had a miscarriage too - SO honestly, I'm no shape emotionally to join in as I know I WILL take things too personally right now. Who is asking you to argue? Who is asking you to join in? I certainly am not doing that. I apologise for your troubles but they have nothing to do with this thread. Life is TOO short to have these pick-a-part threads guys! What's the point of it all? Well, it may not have any point to you but it may have a point to someone else. You also have the option of not participating in any thread that may cause you distress. The world (including LS) doesn't revolve around you and, to be frank, you have no business questioning the point of any thread or post here - especially if it isn't about you. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Not *arguing*, WWIU... I'm not saying that she should care. but if she really doesn't care then why is she reacting to my posts with hostility? Why is she reacting at all? People have a choice to not get *stirred up*. People should take responsibility for their emotions and own up to them and quit blaming *the other person* for their emotions. Who is asking you to argue? Who is asking you to join in? I certainly am not doing that. I apologise for your troubles but they have nothing to do with this thread. Well, it may not have any point to you but it may have a point to someone else. You also have the option of not participating in any thread that may cause you distress. The world (including LS) doesn't revolve around you and, to be frank, you have no business questioning the point of any thread or post here - especially if it isn't about you. excellent points smooch, i very much agree! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 AND...This whole thread is stirring it up for everybody. My best guess is people will take things out of context, put their own spin on it and react. Then that fuels the fire and makes it worse, then everybody else reacts again... I am not stirred up at all..... I guess it is because I am different then the rest of you? Not trying to fuel the fire either....... just inside with the tad of the flu and bored so posting to LS lots today. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 you have no business questioning the point of any thread or post here - especially if it isn't about you. Actually Woggle started the thread SF. "Society has lost it's ability for independent thought" is what the thread was about before it was hijacked. And for the record.. she has as much of a right to post or question on this thread as you do.. or me. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I'm sitting here reading just trying to understand the whole point of this thread and to me it looks like just another reason to have arguements. And I'm not arguing with ANYBODY anymore, especially right now as I'm coping with a death in my family, my close friend and neighbour who had surgery due to breast cancer and a friend who had a miscarriage too - SO honestly, I'm no shape emotionally to join in as I know I WILL take things too personally right now. I'm really sorry to hear that, WWIU. I agree with what you're saying. Discussions like this create endless conflict and can take more emotional energy out of people than they realise. Smoochie, I think you're probably in a very familiar pattern here of watching conflict play out as people separate into those who support and defend you, and those who are just fed up to the back teeth of being told that they don't understand. It's very hard for people not to start taking sides in a situation like this, it's unhealthy for the whole board - and it leads to other people falling out over unnecessarily. I'm not buying that AS makes you unaware of all that...unless you're saying that every single aspect of your personality and functioning is wholly attributable to AS. Hopefully WWIU's post will remind you that there are a lot of people on this board who are trying to help others whilst in the middle of having their own s*** to contend with. Maybe they don't understand you. So what? Give them a break. You might be the only person with AS, but you're not the only person who has s*** to cope with. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 And for the record.. she has as much of a right to post or question on this thread as you do.. or me. I said "questioning the point of any thread or post here." That is not the same thing as "right to post or question on this thread." Two entirely different things, Art. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 a4a, I'm not saying you're stirred up, but some people are... I apologise for your troubles but they have nothing to do with this thread. Yes, and your aspies have nothing to do with how you post, ever right? How you intrepet how I or anybody else feels, expresses themselves, right? We all just have to accept how your mind may work, understand where you're coming from, handle things abit more 'considerate and careful' because of that, right? "Society has lost it's ability for independent thought" Exactly. Are we talking about society in the WORLD or society on LS? Just wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Again, I'm not bashing anybody. I'm sitting here reading just trying to understand the whole point of this thread and to me it looks like just another reason to have arguements. And I'm not arguing with ANYBODY anymore, especially right now as I'm coping with a death in my family, my close friend and neighbour who had surgery due to breast cancer and a friend who had a miscarriage too - SO honestly, I'm no shape emotionally to join in as I know I WILL take things too personally right now. I'm sorry to hear this, too! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Let's flip this around... Yes, and you neurotypicals have nothing to do with how you post, ever right? How you intrepet how I or anybody else feels, expresses themselves, right? We Aspies all just have to accept how your mind may work, understand where you're coming from, handle things abit more 'considerate and careful' because of that, right? It works both ways, WWIU. Didn't someone say that "respect and understanding is a TWO-WAY street?" Maybe THAT is my issue. I feel as if I have to do more of the *work* instead of the other way around or, better yet, meet each other halfway. Meet each other halfway... that's all I really want to do here. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Thanks Looney and Lindya! Lindya you said what I was thinking exactly - I just can't formulate words in my head to come out on paper and make sense... "questioning the point of any thread or post here." I actually have, just as everybody else, a right to question any point or thread I choose. You may not like that or agree with it, that is fine by me. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I'm really sorry to hear that, WWIU. It's very hard for people not to start taking sides in a situation like this, it's unhealthy for the whole board - and it leads to other people falling out over unnecessarily. I'm not buying that AS makes you unaware of all that...unless you're saying that every single aspect of your personality and functioning is wholly attributable to AS. well i think smoochies point was, that nobody has to take sides, and neither does anybody need to be upset. hopefully if somebody finds themselves getting upset, they can either remove themselves, or say what is on their minds, or have a good look at why they are upset and then do either of the above. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 well i think smoochies point was, that nobody has to take sides, and neither does anybody need to be upset. hopefully if somebody finds themselves getting upset, they can either remove themselves, or say what is on their minds, or have a good look at why they are upset and then do either of the above. You are right - that was my point. Thank you for clarifying it some. I have difficulty expressing myself at times. *shrugging* Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 which way is up, i am also sorry for your troubles, i hope you didnt interpret what i said as me not caring. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Let's flip this around... It works both ways, WWIU. Didn't someone say that "respect and understanding is a TWO-WAY street?" Maybe THAT is my issue. I feel as if I have to do more of the *work* instead of the other way around or, better yet, meet each other halfway. Meet each other halfway... that's all I really want to do here. I have TRIED TO UNDERSTAND YOU SF. It is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! Even through PM's I tried. I give up because I am not jumping through hoops for you! I have tried to respect you, even putting in no offensive, no harshness meant, and I've sadly even apologized to YOU! NOT ONCE have you shown that towards me. You don't respect me at all! Too bad some other posts were deleted because there have been NUMERIOUS times I tried to reach out and help you, especially when you opened up recently. Did I get a thanks for trying to understand me WWIU? NOPE. The problem is, I don't think it's possible for you to grasp that what you get upset about is what I get upset about too. I'm so tired of trying to explain it to you, to try and get YOU to understand ME. For days all I've heard is let's understand SF...I tried my best, and it wasn't good enough for you, or you couldn't see that. I DID MEET you half way, you didn't meet ME halfway. I got too much s*** going on in my life to get into this right now. Another time maybe, but I can't do this anymore. YOU WIN. Happy now? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 well i think smoochies point was, that nobody has to take sides, and neither does anybody need to be upset. hopefully if somebody finds themselves getting upset, they can either remove themselves, or say what is on their minds, or have a good look at why they are upset and then do either of the above. I had a good look at why I got upset on a thread yesterday, and it's basically because Smoochie just constantly makes me feel guilty and I get a sense of him doing it to other people too. I can't understand. I don't try hard enough to understand. I missed cue X. I should have picked up on cue Y. It's that trap I talked about. You're sucked in because you want to help - and before you know it you're finding yourself getting hoovered into that bad guy role...and eventually you just think "screw it...you want me to kick you? Then I'll kick you." So although you started off wanting to help, you end up being part of a pack of people tearing into this poor person. Then afterwards, you can't help wondering if - from the other person's perspective - that was exactly what they wanted on some level. Particularly when you've got other people sending you anonymous rep comments afterwards - the content of which I won't go into here. That's just my honest feeling about all this. I think on some level Smoochie is thriving on the conflict. Throwing out the provocation, then crying unfair when it comes back to hit him on the face. I'm not saying it's a conscious, deliberate thing....but one can't watch a thread like this unfold over and over again and not draw some sort of conclusion. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 YOU WIN. Happy now? Actually, YOU won. You get to eat, drink, and be merry with all your friends here. I get left out of the party once again. So you won. Handily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Some people like to be martyrs. And if the rest of humanity wasn't so despicable, how could they stuck out and shine? Wanting to be something better than the rest of people and at the same time wanting to be a part of it. No wonder people get confused. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I have TRIED TO UNDERSTAND YOU SF. It is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! Even through PM's I tried. I give up because I am not jumping through hoops for you! YOU WIN. Happy now? I'm sorry WWIU, this must be hard for you and kudos for making an effort to reach out to someone else! And WORD. You aren't the only one on this board who has done the exact same thing and decided to deal with it the exact same way. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 That's just my honest feeling about all this. I think on some level Smoochie is thriving on the conflict. Throwing out the provocation, then crying unfair when it comes back to hit him on the face. I'm not saying it's a conscious, deliberate thing....but one can't watch a thread like this unfold over and over again and not draw some sort of conclusion. lindya, i agree with this. as you yourself said though, it is very unlikely to be a conscious thing. its something that everybody does. plays out whatever they believe themselves to be/most fear they are, and gets other people to play it out aswell. its a chicken and egg thing though. in this case, i think smoochie has been rejected from certain groups in society, and that causes him to replay, or fear makes him play it out quickly, something he has learnt to do. what i dont understand, is why anybody should get angry at him about it. we all do these things, but maybe, as a result of being rejected more, smoochies is more extreme. nobody can manipulate you if you arent also willing to be manipulated, so everybody who has got upset by this or any of these recent threads, is doing the exact same thing they are accusing smoochie of. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Actually, YOU won. You get to eat, drink, and be merry with all your friends here. I get left out of the party once again. So you won. Handily. You could, but you don't allow yourself in. I have tried with you smooch and there have been other threads/posts you've done that have made me laugh by you...I just wish you'd see that effort by me, that's all... Noone is leaving you out of the party...You're choosing to not to join in. I welcome you to hop on (though no pellet poos by you mr bunny ) and have some laughs too. I do mean that. And I'm sure everybody else feels that way too. And the win comment was meaning you "win" in the sense of talking about what we were talking about in this thread. I just don't have it in me to keep on going...It's nothing personal, I am feeling more sensitive today and I'm really drained. Thanks B_O for your words. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 nobody can manipulate you if you arent also willing to be manipulated, so everybody who has got upset by this or any of these recent threads, is doing the exact same thing they are accusing smoochie of. Yes - absolutely. As I see it, you get into a situation and there are three choices 1. Do the dignified thing. Say "I won't participate in this any more. I'll be the better person and simply walk away." That doesn't always sit well with me. The fact that I might have kept my cool in a particular situation doesn't make me the better person. I maybe just have less crap going on in my life, making it easier for me to stay cool....and walking away with dignity won't help the other person understand anything about what just went wrong. All it tells them is "I reckon I'm a bit cooler than you are." Walking away if you're about to explode, or because you've got too much other difficult stuff on to want to deal with a message board argument is a totally different matter. That's what WWIU is doing - and quite right too. 2. Blow up and have a right old set to until the thread closes down 3. Be as honest as you possibly can about how you feel, take some responsibility for having got yourself embroiled...and ask why it happened. I feel a bit ridiculous getting into this on a message board - but here goes. I've got embroiled in these situations before - for reasons I mentioned in the last post. On the board and off it. The explanation is probably that I'm fairly empathic but probably not as nice, tolerant and patient as I should be/would like to be...whatever. That's my reason for getting embroiled. I can't speak for others - but as Smoochie also keeps getting embroiled in arguments like this with other people he maybe needs to take a good look at exactly how and why it develops. Not to beat himself up, but just to analyse the process a bit and try to learn a better way of managing it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Excellent post lindya! Again, my thoughts in my head too but I just cannot seem to formulate 'em today...(Though somehow I can think up a zit poem!) Link to post Share on other sites
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