too unreal Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Okay…this is very embarrassing and uncomfortable. Not sure what to do in this situation. I don’t want to make a big issue of it because it will effect a lot of people, specifically family and close friends. I can tell right away,both from past experience and the type of people involved that this isn’t going to be easily swept under the carpet in a month or two, its going to split people up, divide the friends, and ultimately cause the boyfriend to become reluctant as far as going out together to parties and such… Here goes…. A good friend of Max has always been a smooth talker. Particularly towards me. He will, at times, make off hand comments about my looks (how beautiful I am, how hot I look etc) these comments are not “hey, you look beautiful tonight” these comments are more of a stalking panther purr, if you understand me. Max has been aware, from time to time about this good friends tendency towards following me around, always in my vicinity, and making comments to where it would directly put us in contact but under the guise of work…(example: hey give me your business card so I can call you about this job, when it is really to obtain a number from me) Max is a master on how men obtain a “way in” so to speak. Probably because he himself was like this at one point….(maybe still is for all I know).. This friend of Max has a wife. She is a wonderful woman with a propensity towards jealousy so this leads her to not be as friendly as I would like her to be from time to time. Up until this point, I always thought that they were good together, and he would never stray. Something that happened last nite really turned my stomach. I was picking up the living room during a festive evening (so the house wouldn’t be that trashed at the end. Beer was flowing, children screaming, music blaring, barbecue going, typical American scene. Well, in walks the friend. He came up behind me and actually pushed against and RUBBED his crotch on my a$$. Of course he tried to make it look like a mistake, but I knew perfectly well it wasn’t. When it was time for him to go, he came over, grabbed my face and almost planted a kiss on my lips if I didn’t turn in time and he got my cheek instead, which it was still a pretty passionate kiss even for a cheek. I was shocked. And angry. And disgusted. Problem is, if I told Max, he would’ve hauled off and decked him. That would of placed the rest of us in a terrible predicament. Word would spread and everyone there would know what happened. I would’ve been the “instigator” somehow, and Max’s friend would have been labeled “drunk”. I should “know better” etc. Max would be the troublemaker who takes his girls side over his family, and neither of us would be invited to a party for some time to come, which would prompt Max to lie and go alone or be resentful towards me for making a scene. What should I have done? What should I do? If I tell Max now, the circumstances would be better because they are not together at this moment drinking beer etc, but Max would take it personal that I didn’t tell him then, and a lot of bull$h!t would ensue….. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Hello, It is my perspective that you made a huge mistake by not telling Max immediately. It is disrespectful to Max not to say anything when a drunk friend (?) rubs his crotch against your ass and tries to plant a passionate kiss on you. If the roles were reversed, would you want Max to keep it to himself? By not saying anything immediately you sent a message to this friend (?) that it is acceptable to sexually harrass you without fear of consequences. No consequences to their actions equals no motivation to change. You need to tell Max NOW. I know that you think you were doing the right thing by not saying anything then but you were wrong. This friend (?) dihonored you and Max and you dishonored Max by not saying anything immediately. Either you have a relationship with Max based on honesty and respect or you don't. Another man attempted to violate you and you kept quiet. You made a mistake so tell Max now. He will be upset that you waited but tell him from now on you will tell him immediately if something like this occurs again. Again you have a sent a message to this predator that it is acceptable to disrespect you in your home behind your boyfriend's back. Do you understand why you made a mistake? I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author too unreal Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 Yes, thank you…I know I made a big mistake and I knew it at the time but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Mixing beer with this type of problem isn’t a good idea. Why I was so hesitant was because in the past I had told Max about this friends minor inappropriateness and Max lit into me!!! He started poking me and telling me it is MY fault because he told me not to talk to him AT ALL, etc blah blah blah….But I cant just be rude to his friend, can I? (well, I guess now I have a reason).. Max is the type of man that believes that somehow a woman is the root of the problem when something of this nature pops up. So does all his friends and almost half of his family. While I agree that women sometimes put themselves in dangerous situations, I don’t believe a mans actions is a woman’s fault. I guess I was hoping to receive suggestions about how to deal with this appropriately in the event that this man is in my house again. I KNOW I SCREWED UP!!!!!!!! Should I still say something to Max?? Last time I did, it turned into a situation where I couldn’t go to the next few parties, (with Max sneaking off to go by himself and telling me he is somewhere else) and threatening revenge such as “next time, I am going to talk to a woman and flirt and… (etc. insert situation here)… and see how you feel” even though I don’t and never flirted with anyone besides Max of course… Link to post Share on other sites
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