WHEN does it EVER end? Why WHy WHY???

[random tears]

Oh yes, and he also seems to have time to talk to his friends on the phone but when i call it is all rushed and half a$$ed sometimes practically hanging up on me.

One time I checked his phone (not nice i know) and saw that right after i called he talked with one of his friends for 15 minutes, but couldnt spend a minute on the phone with me.

He spends time working, talking on the phone, watching tv but the minute i want him to give me *a little* (and i mean a little) attention, he is all of a sudden too tired, too busy, too hungry....always an excuse...

 

I wasnt aware that the whole "treat them like $h!t and they will want you more" philosiphy was still in effect...i thought that went out ages ago when everyone determined it doesnt work and it only makes the one you love hate you (bound to happen when you treat them crappy)

But could this be what is happening??????

[random tears]

Okay Moose,

 

I have been taking your advice, backing off and whatnot. I don’t question, berate or otherwise. I have tried to remain calm. I haven’t made ANY advances towards him. I have remained distant and cool. He doesn’t even seem to notice. He doesn’t kiss me hello anymore. I am refraining from kissing him first, to see what he would do, if he would take the initiative. Me backing off doesn’t seem to help. Maybe give it more time????? But at this rate, I feel like I could turn to stone waiting for him to come around. How long did your wife had to wait before you turned yourself around???

[Mz. Pixie]

RT- what is this guy doing for you?? Paying some bills???

 

I'm sorry, your standards are not high enough. From every detail you've posted he's either cheating or he's planning to. He's emotionally distanced himself from you in every way. Doesn't give you affection, kisses etc.

 

Do I need to draw you a picture???

 

Your self esteem must be in the toilet. You need to get out and get a life for yourself. Go to a bar and let some cute guys flirt with you- you don't have to cheat, but nothing will rev your self esteem up quicker than that.

 

Then, get another place to live. It would be better for you to cut it off with him than for you to end up getting hurt worse when he eventually leaves you. He's going. Trust me.

 

If my man sucked in air through his teeth when I called him, well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty.

[Guest]

I was married to a man like this for some years. It really is the beginnings of worse things to come.

 

He is probably treating you like this because he has a low self esteem and would rather hurt you by transferring his image onto you than deal with his own demons.

 

For a while I tried to understand, took all the crap and blamed myself for not being a good enough wife. It only really sank in when he hit our 19 month old daughter on the face and then smacked our four month old son so hard on his back that he stopped breathing for a moment.

 

Not even his man handling me when I was 8 months pregnant and causing a near miscarriage made me leave. I was completely selfless by then and could care less what happened to me. I was a devoted therapist and servant to him and he took it very personally when the children got in the way of my undivided attention.

 

Had I not left when I did I firmly believe that we would have all left the house in body bags not to far into the future. He has all the signs love, and he seems to hate you as much as he loves you, he relates to you as an extention of himself and treats you accordingly. Your personality and your spirits' will to be free is probably a provocation to his sence of inferiority.

 

Leave as soon as you can. Do not confront him, distance yourself emotionally over time and convince yourself he is only a room mate. He has a low capacity for love, let alone basic civil behaviour. A guestion - how does he treat or speak about his mother - this might give you a clue to how he is wired.

Best of luck.