Need advice ASAP

[Dave]

My girl is very insecure. SHe thinks that I treate her very well and she thinks tht one day I will realize that she is not good for me and I will dump her. Because of these thoughts she is sort of sabotaging our relationship. She keeps avoiding me, and sort of tries to male me realize that she is not good for me. This is what she wrote to me

 

No, its like when u r offered a great job that u r not qualified for, u r gonna take it, but every day u'll be coming in thinking that u'll get fired, if they notice that u can't do the job right. Same thing here, i won't look

 

for anything else, cuz u r good, but i will be scared that u will "fire" me ones u realize that i'm not good. I dunno, why i am not good. i don't wanna get into past, but maybe i am used to thinking that i am just a temporary thing that ppl move on after. Its probably not about me being bad or good, but about ppl taking me as a joke or smth that is not worth sticking with for life...i dunno

 

I really want to make her understand that I really care for her and all. Now , I am sorry for being nice. I cant help it. I really like treating her nice and all, and maybe she is misinterpreting me...

 

I dont know what to do

 

SHe is gettine messed up. Is there any way to make her open her eyes????

 

PLEASE HELP

[Tony T]

There's nothing you can do for a girl whose self esteem is zilch. Furthermore, the love she has to offer you is pretty worthless if she feels she is worthless. As long as she has a low opinion of herself, she will not be able to show you the love and caring you deserve.

 

Give her a gift certificate to some self-esteem classes. The Dale Carnegie Class is always nice too. Somehow, somewhere...probably in her childhood...she was not shown a lot of love or given a great deal of confidence in herself. She may have been insulted or put down a lot by one or both parents, her siblings, or other significant people in her life.

 

As much as you may want this lady, she won't be worth your time until she makes dramatic changes.

 

In order to get love you must first love yourself. So, before she can love you in any meaningful way she must love herself. It sounds like that could be many years in coming.

 

Tell her to attented some self esteem workshops, buy some books by self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden and others, or see a counsellor for help.

 

Otherwise, don't waste your time on her right now. There's nothing of quality that will come out of your involvement with her while she has such a low opinion of herself. She's just going to bring you down and you don't need that.

[Artlover]

... she'll just leave you flat one day. Without warning, because of her own insecurities. Btw, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden is an EXCELLENT book. Perhaps it can open her eyes a little.

There's nothing you can do for a girl whose self esteem is zilch. Furthermore, the love she has to offer you is pretty worthless if she feels she is worthless. As long as she has a low opinion of herself, she will not be able to show you the love and caring you deserve. Give her a gift certificate to some self-esteem classes. The Dale Carnegie Class is always nice too. Somehow, somewhere...probably in her childhood...she was not shown a lot of love or given a great deal of confidence in herself. She may have been insulted or put down a lot by one or both parents, her siblings, or other significant people in her life.

 

As much as you may want this lady, she won't be worth your time until she makes dramatic changes.

 

In order to get love you must first love yourself. So, before she can love you in any meaningful way she must love herself. It sounds like that could be many years in coming. Tell her to attented some self esteem workshops, buy some books by self-esteem expert Nathaniel Branden and others, or see a counsellor for help.

 

Otherwise, don't waste your time on her right now. There's nothing of quality that will come out of your involvement with her while she has such a low opinion of herself. She's just going to bring you down and you don't need that.

[Ejs82]

There could be more to it though. Maybe she has done something bad in your alls relationship and feels to guilty, and you dont know about it. Maybe she has realized you are not her type and has lost feelings for you and this is the 'nice way' to let you know. Or maybe she DOES feel like she is not good enough for you. TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT TALK IT OUT you must talk it out DEEPLY, FOR CRAP SAKES, ITS YOUR FRIGGIN FUTURE TOGETHER.