Long Lost Boyfriend

[Sally]

In 1978 I was 21 years old.

 

I had been living with my boyfriend that I had been seeing since I was 16. We were like a married couple. We were always together and did everything together. We loved each other as much as you can be in love at that age. For some reason or another we broke up and went our seperate ways. The last time that I remember talking to him was in 1983 when I called him just to say hi. The next time I tried to reach him in 1987 I found out that he had moved to Germany. I didn't find out any more information about him other than that he moved. So I didn't really think about him to much in the time that followed. And its not that I thought about him ALL the time. Just from time to time I would wonder about him and remember him. In 1993 (I think!) I got a computer and looked for his name casually on the internet. Never had any luck. I posted my name and email on yahoo. Then in 2000 I found the classmates.com website. I didn't find him there either. But I posted my name and email there and updated it when it changed. In March of this year I got an email from him asking me if I remembered him! I was really surprised to have him just drop into my email. I never really thought that we would find each other again or that he might even be looking for me too. It was great to hear from him after all these years and that he had been trying to find me too. He found me at the classmates site. He had also found me on yahoo but it was an old email. Anyway we started catching up with each others lives. He is married but seperated and seeing someone who is 19. I am single and seeing someone who is 21 (19 when I met him). So in one email he says that he wants me to come and visit him. I think that it is a great idea. Since his first email I had an almost overwhelming desire to get on a plane and go! So I tell him that I will come but what will his girlfriend think. He says maybe we should slow down this was going too fast for him and that he needs to think. I tell him that is fine and we will just forget the whole thing cause I don't want to make life hard for him. He said that he didn't want to forget the whole thing and that he doesnt want to lose touch with me. Then in april he goes to and island in spain to preform and he wants me to come there. I can't do that cause I have no passport and no stash of fat cash! So I guess some where along the line he decided that it was okay for me to come and see him where he lives. I didn't ask too many question other than was he sure he wanted me too. Yes he does. So I made reservations for november. Thinking that will give him plenty of time. Got my passport and my tickets now for a 2 week stay in Germany. I cannot cancel without losing a bunch of money and he knows all of this. So we email back and forth still. Not too much right now cause he is in the south of france surfing and singing. I am really looking forward to seeing him again. We have talked on the phone once just to hear each others voices! We have emailed photos back and forth. He thinks I still look great and I think the same of him. Now that the trip is only 75 days away I am getting scared. I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to prepare myself. I am just wondering why we found each other after all this time. Why was either of us looking? What if we don't like each other anymore at all. What if we really like each other? Is this one of thoes things where you throw caution to the wind and go for it? And I don't really know what I expect by posting this other than to get it off my chest and maybe get some opinions? Should I go expecting a long lost friend.

 

Or should I go expecting a long lost lover?

 

Or should I just go and not expect anything other that a 2 week vacation? And even more than what I should or shouldn't expect what will he be expecting? I am not 21 anymore and I am not 19 anymore either. So I'm thinking of a list of thing to do before I go:

 

1. Face lift

 

2. Lose 10 pounds

 

3. Boob job

 

4. New wardrobe

 

5. Dye my hair

 

Then I think: just be yourself he is older now too. Any thoughts, opinions or feedback would be great!

 

Thanks

 

Sally

[Tony T]

Dear Sally:

 

Poor lady, I am not a mean person so don't take this the wrong way.

 

You already know this guy is attracted to very young women. All the surgery, weight loss, and new wardrobe won't take 20 years or so off your age. It just won't do it.

 

You are far more into the memory of this guy than he is in your memory. But what you are into are the memories. Billions of molecules have blown by since the two of you knew each other well. You've changed majorly in not only your physical appearance but your likes, dislikes, life philosophy, experiences, etc., etc. The two of you have absolutely NOTHING in common at this point except some memories that could be set forth on one sheet of paper.

 

In moments of loneliness we often think back down memory lane. And once in a while a reunion is very nice and leads to something special. But the majority of the time, we are sadly disappointed because the reality of the person of 2001 is not the reality of what we remember of the person of 1978.

 

Don't do any of the things you have contemplated for the sake of this guy because they won't make any difference. If you want to do them for yourself, by all means do so. If losing 10 pounds will make you feel better about yourself and help you live longer, do it for those reasons.

 

You are setting yourself up for very major disappointment. The best that usually happens in these types of reunions is that the two people go to dinner, spend an hour or two talking about old times, and one or the other can't wait to get the hell away.

 

Don't subject yourself to that. If you want to see him, have absolutely no expectations at all...whatsoever.

 

Perhaps this meeting is what you need to help you move on and start living in the 21st century. If it has that effect, it will be most worthwhile.

 

If the two of you went to the same school, ask him if he forgot how to form paragraphs also.

[sparkle]

Oh dear...

 

I agree with Tony 100% about your memories of this guy...

 

It's nice that you two found each other again after a long time, but it doesn't mean it's fate or he's your soul mate. Have a nice trip, but don't get too serious about this. For whatever reasons you two went your separate ways earlier, those things may come in the way again. And if not, it's been such a long time...you two are completely different people now.

 

When you get back from the trip, it may be time to finally move on...

[Ulti]

*sigh* Memories of the past are wonderful to recall, but that's what they are, the past. I don't want to lay any accusations, but think of this for a moment, and think of it again and a third time. For now, let's say you have a boyfriend right now of whom you adore. One day he gets a call or an email from his Ex-girlfriend of whom he hasn't seen for years. He's excited about seeing her, so he goes out of his way and makes plans to fly her to him, or versa. He might want to see her again to relive the memories and by that, relive an intimate relationship. You are now singled out. How do you feel?

 

Honestly, you should have more respect for him. He has a new life now and you two will always have the memories, but people can't live in the past, no one can and nobody can make the past a present. You need to respect him by also respecting the fact that he has a girlfriend now. She is now an important part of his life. It's tempting to go back to an Ex when the other party is excited in the adventure as well. I'm sure he's had many many other girlfriends of whom he's had extra-special memorable moments he's shared with them. Think of that. You're not the only one he might still care about. Just because he can drop his girlfriend for you doesn't mean he won't do the same thing to you. Have some respect for yourself, hon, and move on with YOUR future.