will it get better?

[MovinOnUp]

Married 16yrs, 3 beautiful children.

It's been a year now since my H had an A with a close friend of mine. When it was exposed - (the OW husband's told me) - he discovered all their emails, my H was genuinely regretful & had wanted to tell me but didn't know how? After the revelation he also confessed to another indiscretion, that of getting drunk and going back to a girl's place when he was travelling away from home....says nothing happened because once they got naked he couldn't get hard because of the guilt, so he packed up his clothes and left.

He said he wanted to get everything out in the open and have no lies between us. I have never lied to him, nor cheated on him - there have been plenty of opportunities but I just wouldn't do it. Even if I hated him, I would be selling myself short moralistically - i just won't go there.

I love this man, and I believe that he loves me. We both know that we are soul mates but everything has been taken away from me now and I am really struggling to rebuild.

We've been working through this last year and it has been really difficult for me. I'm really hurting and we argue a lot over petty stuff. We both just want to be happy.

All I can say is that *I just want my life back*

He reckons that I dont give him anything, so how can he prove his love for me. I feel he doesn't deserve anything from me and I'm just not willing to give at this stage - I still feel so hurt. I know this won't work forever & it is destined to fall apart.

 

The pain I feel by the betrayal is still so much in my life.

It is a year now and I would like to feel that things are better but I still doubt his faithfulness so much and whether he ever really cared for me the way I thought he did. And whether he can ever show me

 

He says he made a mistake he ****ed up.....he wasn't getting the attention he craved from me so he found it with my friend and they had an affair right under our noses!

 

My self-esteem is shattered, I feel like a failure, I love my husband and I love my kids and I don't want to lose it all.

 

Will it ever get better? I feel like a year is a long time to wait for results but I just don't think he is making me feel any safer in this relationship?

 

I've read some people in here say it takes years, even a lifetime......how can I endure the pain in my heart (

[brokenherted]

Hi

 

I just read your post and it made me want to cry.

I really do understand how you feel. I found out about my wife's affair two weeks ago, and it hurts like hell.

 

I can't give you any answers cus I dont know how to endure the pain in my heart either. I can't tell you it will get better because maybee it never will but hey listen you did nothing wrong. If his needs were not being met, if he wasnt

getting the attention he wanted then he should have come to you to sort it

out.

 

Both me and my wife are guilty of not fullfilling each other's needs. I think that is something that is very easy to end up doing once you are married

and life becomes routine again, especially if you are working hard (or have

kids to take care of,etc). There is nothing wrong with ending up in that

situation. The crunch is what you do then.

 

Me, like you I guess, thought despite our problems that we would work it

out. I believed in us and in marriage and in 'together forever'. I wanted to work things out and kept trying. She, like your man, was the one that went off to someone else.

 

You are not a failure. Your husband failed you - not the other way around.

You still have honour, it is him that does not.

 

I know that some people do make it work after affairs and some say that the marriage has become stronger because of it. I dont know if that can

work for me. I dont know if it will work for you. It sounds like you love

him and your kids and I commend you for giving it your all as you are doing.

[silktricks]

but it takes a lot of time. My H had an EA that has been over for almost 2 years now, and I think I'm just now starting to "get over" it. Had it been physical, I know it would have been longer.

 

Since the A was with you friend it makes it even worse, as you were doubly betrayed. Take care.

 

I highly recommend a marriage counselor, but the most important thing is communication. A LOT of communication. I practically drove my H crazy talking out every little thing, but we're slowly working out the problems that we both had.

 

Best of luck to you both.

[barfool]

He reckons that I dont give him anything, so how can he prove his love for me. I feel he doesn't deserve anything from me and I'm just not willing to give at this stage - I still feel so hurt.

 

I think that when someone cheats and wants to save the relationship that it is on them to work to be trustworthy and worthwhile partner. They can't expect their partner to be able to easily give them love after they have been betrayed like that. OTOH, if you do not somehow show him that you still do love him and want to be with him even though it hurts then he will have no reason to stay.

 

If you guys haven't already you definitely need to go to some marriage counseling. There were some ongoing problems in the relationship and with him that caused more than one A. This has to be addressed or it will just continue.