Calling internet girls in front of me

[Capri]

My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship in the same state. He goes through a lot (puts aside his job and his own family, and pays for any travel and food expenses) to visit me any real time he gets. He is well-off and we get along and enjoy each other's company, but there have been arguments solely and precisely over the fact that he continues "friendships" with girls he's met online but never in real life. One time he called his Ex girlfriend (who lives two states away) in front of me while I was driving to ask for directions to a particular place she knew how to get to. Not like he couldn't dial 411 and do the same. A few weeks later, he calls me on a Saturday and tells me that his Ex called him and said that she was in the state (only an hour away from ME) and asked him to get on a plane and fly down to see her, and she, knowing full well that I was only an hour away, had the nerve to do that. My boyfriend, instead of telling her that it was wrong of her to ask him (to do something only a boyfriend would do for a girlfriend), he only told her that he was too busy and that next time she should give him prior notice, like the weekend before when he was down here to visit me. To make a long story short, after we argued and he thoughtlessly exclaimed that he would "never give up a friend for a girlfriend!", I confronted him and this idiocy, and he said he would feel guilty for "breaking a friendship" with her, but he would have to because he is thinking of his future. I was very happy to hear that at least.

 

Okay, so the Ex is out of the picture, but there is one more problem that exists, and I'm trying REAL HARD to UNDERSTAND the validity of it: Last time he visited me, he told me that a girl (a compute literate) from New York mailed him a check for him to buy and send her computer parts. Not that she couldn't be resourceful enough and actually realize that the internet provides the best deals in computer hardware. I asked him how long he knew her, and he said about three years. I asked him if he had met her in real life, and he said "no." I asked "how do you know her?" And his reply, "from the internet." I causally asked him if this girl had sent him the exact amount for the hardware, and he said "Yes." Without sounding too accusatory, I told him that if she was a real friend, she would have included money for the time, shipping and handling trouble he would be exerting on her, but he blew up and blamed me for being "insecure" yada yada. This isn't the only girl he's never met that he considers as "good friends." There are about 30 others that have been posted on his web site entitled "_____'s FRIENDS," which are all GIRLS from the internet. His excuse is he says he likes to do good things for people. I think this is bulls***. Yeah, he goes through "a lot" to see me, but he's done it before for other girls and "without regret" he says, so he can take that excuse and shove it up his butt. It could be platonic and innocent, but I do know that if a guy goes out of his way to send some girl he's met online something, there is more to it than the postage and delivery. I am in-over-my-head and sressed-out to the MAX with thoughts of ending this relationship.

 

What should I say to him? Although I did speak out about my feelings, gave him an ultimatum for keeping lines of communication open with his Ex (leaving windows wide open for her to slither in), I am afraid of losing him if I bring these other girls up. Silly, huh? I think he's taking me for granted. I am sooooo faithful to him. He has nothing to worry about me and my Ex's, which I declared my undying disgust over, but I don't have that advantage from him. I am trying to bite my lips and just trust him, but his actions are frivolous and idiotic, I think. It's hard enough that we live about five hours away, but pulling that ##### in front of ME...somebody tell me if I'm wrong, tell me to get it together, tell me what I should do!!

[sparkle]

Why are you still with him if you two can't work this out? If it bothers you that he's doing this, break up with him. It's as simple as that.

 

Or you can tell him that it bothers you and see if he makes an effort to stop doing it. But you've already done that. You can't make him change. Don't EXPECT him to change. If you want to be with him, then learn to deal with the fact that he likes doing things for his female friends. And if that bothers you, then LEAVE him, and find a guy that isn't in the same situation.

[BeenThere]

Ahhh...It seems the good ol' "plantonic ex" thing has raised its ugly head again. It's a real issue in more relationships than not. And just because someone refuses to deal with the ex-boyfriend/Girlfriend "baggage" doesn't mean that they're crazy, insecure or untrusting. It just means that they're expectations and idea's about what they want in a relationship is different than that of their partner's. There's really no right or wrong in this situation, but unless BOTH of you share the same values, you will be in for one hell of a bumpy ride until one of you gives in or quits. So is he worth it?

 

I don't know whether your boyfriend has as many male friends as he does female ones; or if he has the ability to interact with people outside of his little computer world...only you know him well enough to answer that. But standing on the outside looking in (given what little information I have on him) it sounds to me as if he's just starved for attention...of the "female" persuasion. Maybe this feeds his own insecurities about be "wanted," "desired" or "needed." Then again, maybe he's just an a**h***.

 

I think its a shame you had to even give him an ultimatum. I think if someone really cares about you than these are choices they would make on their own, out of consideration, without having to be asked. If you want a "healthy" solid relationship, than you do things that are conducive to establishing one. Yet some people just never get it...and still, they keep wondering why that healthy, secure relationship continues to elude them.

 

My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship in the same state. He goes through a lot (puts aside his job and his own family, and pays for any travel and food expenses) to visit me any real time he gets. He is well-off and we get along and enjoy each other's company, but there have been arguments solely and precisely over the fact that he continues "friendships" with girls he's met online but never in real life. One time he called his Ex girlfriend (who lives two states away) in front of me while I was driving to ask for directions to a particular place she knew how to get to. Not like he couldn't dial 411 and do the same. A few weeks later, he calls me on a Saturday and tells me that his Ex called him and said that she was in the state (only an hour away from ME) and asked him to get on a plane and fly down to see her, and she, knowing full well that I was only an hour away, had the nerve to do that. My boyfriend, instead of telling her that it was wrong of her to ask him (to do something only a boyfriend would do for a girlfriend), he only told her that he was too busy and that next time she should give him prior notice, like the weekend before when he was down here to visit me. To make a long story short, after we argued and he thoughtlessly exclaimed that he would "never give up a friend for a girlfriend!", I confronted him and this idiocy, and he said he would feel guilty for "breaking a friendship" with her, but he would have to because he is thinking of his future. I was very happy to hear that at least. Okay, so the Ex is out of the picture, but there is one more problem that exists, and I'm trying REAL HARD to UNDERSTAND the validity of it: Last time he visited me, he told me that a girl (a compute literate) from New York mailed him a check for him to buy and send her computer parts. Not that she couldn't be resourceful enough and actually realize that the internet provides the best deals in computer hardware. I asked him how long he knew her, and he said about three years. I asked him if he had met her in real life, and he said "no." I asked "how do you know her?" And his reply, "from the internet." I causally asked him if this girl had sent him the exact amount for the hardware, and he said "Yes." Without sounding too accusatory, I told him that if she was a real friend, she would have included money for the time, shipping and handling trouble he would be exerting on her, but he blew up and blamed me for being "insecure" yada yada. This isn't the only girl he's never met that he considers as "good friends." There are about 30 others that have been posted on his web site entitled "_____'s FRIENDS," which are all GIRLS from the internet. His excuse is he says he likes to do good things for people. I think this is bulls***. Yeah, he goes through "a lot" to see me, but he's done it before for other girls and "without regret" he says, so he can take that excuse and shove it up his butt. It could be platonic and innocent, but I do know that if a guy goes out of his way to send some girl he's met online something, there is more to it than the postage and delivery. I am in-over-my-head and sressed-out to the MAX with thoughts of ending this relationship. What should I say to him? Although I did speak out about my feelings, gave him an ultimatum for keeping lines of communication open with his Ex (leaving windows wide open for her to slither in), I am afraid of losing him if I bring these other girls up. Silly, huh? I think he's taking me for granted. I am sooooo faithful to him. He has nothing to worry about me and my Ex's, which I declared my undying disgust over, but I don't have that advantage from him. I am trying to bite my lips and just trust him, but his actions are frivolous and idiotic, I think. It's hard enough that we live about five hours away, but pulling that ##### in front of ME...somebody tell me if I'm wrong, tell me to get it together, tell me what I should do!!