cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 nah you had the bare bones right, just needed the flesh of the emotional bits lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 Okiedokie...here it goes...I will be rushing to the nearest florist....I don't want to OVERDO it so hows about sending it with one rose???? or maybe two...how about two...to represent us both? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 put two red roses in a medium sized and very nice arrangement--let the rest of the flowers be white, to symbolize the purity of your intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 It just dawned on me that if I send it all flashy like this ,her room mates will be standing over her shoulder as she reads...I don't like the idea of that...How about sendng it certified mail with a gift certificate for dinner at a nice restaraunt? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 nope. too impersonal and would arrive too late, she needs to get this by monday at the latest. send it with the flowers and put the letters in a nice envelope and say to suzi (please read in private) Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 Go big (not humongous, but big ~18-24" circumference) with the flowers--not roses (too generic)--ask the florist for her/his expertise to make up a fairly big bouquet of some of her favorite flowers. If you don't know what these are, defer to the florist. Roses can be a part of the bouquet, but get some interesting flowers that you think she will like. Nice letter, C! xill: Have you ever seen the movie Hutch? Watch it. It's part of this romantic make-over assignment. (Cyg and I are gonna have to go into business!) The stuff he does for his love in that movie is amazing, but it's got to be for real, not manipulative. Even though his dates turn out wrong, she's won over by his thoughtfulness, his ability to think about what it is she would like and make it so. It's only when she thinks it's not for real that things fall apart. But notice, Hutch stops at nothing to win her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 cool...thnx...i'll post how and when later today. always thanking you all, Mark Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 with valentine's day coming up, she better have some flowers from you, or its over. hutch is a good movie yeah becoming, think we should set out our stall? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 If I remember correctly she loves cala lilies...I am going to send ten white... Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 oh that is perfect!! i was going to suggest cala lilies but didn't know her taste! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 11, 2006 Author Share Posted February 11, 2006 o.k. the "package" is on it's way...The letter bareing all, the heartfelt poem,ten white cala lillies in a vase.(come to think of it,I have never given her cala lillies before,knowing full well they are her favorite.)..Now I sit and wait for the jury to return with a verdict....I'm scared, I must admit.My heart is on the chopping block again and I hope I did the right thing.I was so sure of myself that I would not put my hands out to get slapped again.But this is it,crunchtime....Either I am going to get handed my soul in a pillow case or the chance to mend things.I am prepared for the worst and will move on with the dignity of a man that truly tried everything under the heavens to relight the candle in her heart.I just hope that the jury doesn't stall and keep me on pins and needles for very long.I feel that if it goes into more than 2 days with no response ,I will have my answer.And I will not be willing to open the door again.I,again, want to thank you all for the countless efforts in my behalf and wish I could one day thank you all in person.There truly are people that still care for others and you are the best example of love in this cold world. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I do so hope that you can save your relationship with suzi, mark. you both have invested many years and it is clear that there is still love left on both sides. please let us know how things go and keep posting. if you don't hear back right away, you will need the support. it may take her longer than 2 days to process this. don't expect an enthusiastic response--it will probably be more like a small crack in the door, and you will have to jump on that. don't forget it is a huge risk for her to open up again. she's been on a rollercoaster for years, and now she has emotional support from others to resist you. they will want to see that she protects herself, and you can't really blame them or her. i do appreciate you have put yourself 'out there' and i for one think you are a great man for doing so, and for trying everything you could to save the marriage. that you have been able to kick the booze and porn for this 5 mo. time does say alot, and that you are willing to do MC says alot. in the end, even if she says 'no, it's been too much for too long and i can't open back up', you will know that you did everything you possibly could. and you are all that much more ready for a new, loving relationship without those nasty habits when the time comes. best to you and suzi, cygny (ps, my email is in my profile under bio. details, in case something happens and i'm too busy to check this forum) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Day 1: zip zero nadda goose egg on a response.I'm thinkin I shot myself in the the foot folks:o Anyway another issue is coming my way.In a few weeks I start government work in Key West again.Every other week I fly down and spend two or three days there in a condo .It continues through September.I usually take a helper with me except the last trip there I took my wife.I came to understand that she was very jealous of these trips so I decided that she would be with me from then on.So here it goes,pending the outcome of the flower-letter-poem thingy,should I try to ask her to accompany me so we can work on the marraige?Or just basically ask her to go with me and say nothing more?Or don't ask at all? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 she's probably trying to decide. it's a big decision, like turning around a huge full speed ahead ocean liner to go in the opposite direction. won't happen on a dime. do NOT take a female helper down there, not until this week has passed by and you've gotten no response. either go without a helper, take a male, or tell her if she has called you, ask her what she'd like to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 I sent you email,I thought maybe you didn't post on Sunday.Anyway you can ignore the message I sent.It basically says the same thing here except for this question.IF she says no,would it be rude to ask her to possibly stay with our cats and or just check on them?. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 no, but you may want to phrase it differently--ask her if she would prefer to take care of the cats herself. she might be missing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 13, 2006 Share Posted February 13, 2006 Do you know for sure that the flowers were delivered yesterday? Sometimes (especially this time of year) things can be delayed. Also, did you notice that you're giving her two days, but you didn't tell her that. I say this as a fellow sufferer of not making my wants known to the detriment of my own marriage, but I'm working on it, and things are much better as a result. Cyg has been steering you well. Asking W to go with you on a trip may be too much too soon, but you can ask if she'd like to go and if she says no, ask her if she'd mind feeding the cats. And even if you do get your heart handed to you in a pillowcase (great image!--not so great reality), you will know you've done everything possible. I'd be wary of putting a strict time limit on her response because what you're asking is a lot to process. But a week is surely enough time. And if she doesn't clarify what she wants your relationship to be, you're going to have to flat-out ask her help you define it: is it divorced but still friends? divorced but no contact? we can date and see? or what? Do keep us up to date. Blessings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 13, 2006 Author Share Posted February 13, 2006 thank you.. the definition in my mind after a week of no response will be....1 another man .2 doesnt give two rat turds or 3the damage is irrepairable.Like I posted before,I will not open the door again.I have been standing naked here in the rain for too long.After this I am drying off and will find other feilds to pick flowers in.As for freindship...I will still be nice but will adhere to the strictest NC man has ever seen....I'm tellin ya ,if it goes until Wednesday it failed miserably.Any more effort into this would be like looking over the blueprints of the TITANIC after hiting the iceberg.A waste of time.I'll be looking for a lifeboat. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Just checking. . . . I understand the rain naked metaphor. I've even used that metaphor because I've been there. It sucks. Keep us posted one way or the other, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Thanks becoming....Nothing new so far.My attorney is just today sending my financial information for them to review and then I guess the mediations begin(what she wants from me and what I can afford)Still no word from her concerning the letter and flowers.today is day four.....LAST night was brutal as I could only picture some other man with my wife having dinner and such.It was a very long night of emotions here. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 I'm sorry, xill. She may think you did this for a Val. Day date or something, so you may have to set that straight if she ever gives you the chance. Hang in there for the rest of the week and then you'll know whether she's cold as ice and gone for good and then you can cut her out and move on with your life. If there is another man, you need to find out for $$$ reasons with re: to divorce. But you'll also have to be squeaky clean since she has your past behavior to hold against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 She did not observe holidays mostly.Never valentines day ,so it could not have been taken as a holiday gesture on my part.She would know that.I'm quite shocked myself that she hasn't responded in some manner about the letter poem flowers.Especially after the visit to our house and the lunch date she requested last Tuesday.I must've made a mistake by not saying anything about us or the situation.Or maybe because I didn't sat "I love you" when we parted.Who knows...as for there being another man ,in Florida it does not matter legaly.It's like a No Fault State thing. Thnx anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 Going on day 5 with no contact from her.I am hurting.I want to call her but I know its not the thing to do.I mean what would I say? Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 You could call just to make sure she got them. She could have been in hospital or something for all you know. Then if she did, you can say what it is you're thinking: "Since I haven't heard from you, am I to presume that there's no chance for us working anything out? So what do you want from me--friendship? an amicable divorce? or what? because I've got to live, too, and this not knowing routine is killing me." This conversation might be easier to have on the phone--not in person or in text or email. Then you can state what it is you really want based on her reply. But that means you have to know what it is you want. If she wants friendship only, then where are you with that? You may not want that, in which case, you can tell her that you can't do that; it still hurts too much. Maybe someday, but now you just need to heal with NC and would appreciate it if she'd come move her things out by {thus and such} date. . . . . whatever. Then you can go to s. Fla for a change of venue. But have this conversation--at your initiative--so you can get on with life one way or another. You owe this to yourself. Quit letting her set the agenda alone and speak up for what you need as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xillr8ng Posted February 16, 2006 Author Share Posted February 16, 2006 The florist said she got them and the letter.I stated in my letter to her "Because I love you so much, I will respect your wishes either way and if you do not want to see me for dinner at all or respond to me in any way, I will try to get the divorce over as quickly and painlessly as possible, in a loving way.".......I feel like I shouldn't call her,that it'll only push her further away.I don't want to come to the conclusion that there is NO hope but I think her silence speaks volumes don't you? During my first meeting with the MC yesterday ,he said she might not call for a week.He said that she needs time.He seems to think that when she hears that I've been in counseling for a good period of time(three or four weeks) that it might make her notice my efforts to correct my faults and might respond.That she might see that I've taken this very seriously and that it's not just talk.Either way ,the counseling is for ME only, at this point.I need it very badly.What are your thoughts please???? Link to post Share on other sites
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