Toxic-Flirt

[luvtoto]

Has anyone ever been subjected to a "Toxic-Flirt" in their life?

 

Toxic-Flirt: addicted to leading people on and gains self-esteem in the process

[ReluctantRomeo]

Of course... these guys and girls get around a bit - I imagine most of us have been the target of one at some point.

 

Mind if I ask why you're interested in this question?

[luvtoto]

I am beginning to think I was a target of one, also.

[cal gal]

I am beginning to think I was a target of one, also.

 

 

Who cares what the intention was - in that situation you just flirt back - for fun - like a form of entertainment. Just know with those types though that the flirting won't move further on - unless you let it....

[luvtoto]

What is your opinion of a Toxic-Flirt?

[luvtoto]

Of course... these guys and girls get around a bit - I imagine most of us have been the target of one at some point.

 

Mind if I ask why you're interested in this question?

 

Sorry for being so vague. The real story behind my question is that I broke NC with my "He made me love him" guy (see my history). We had a blow-out the last time I talked with him, and I just emailed him the other day to tell him sorry.

 

He wrote me back right away stating that as far as he's concerned, our friendship never had to end and that I just took a break from it. He also stated that has no clue why I would have developed feelings for him in the year and a half we knew each other. He doesn't think he mislead me.

 

I wrote him back stating that he is a "super-flirt", and I am sure I am not the only woman to fall victim to his antics. He wrote me back a freakin' two page letter explaining to me that he has woman falling all over him all the time...even stalking him. He says he's just being himself and it's not his fault that he knows how to make women feel good about themselves. (He has a knack...trust me. I even fell for it!)

 

Since his divorce a year ago, he has just turned into this egotistical ass....basically full of himself. It's like, he's feeding off of these woman that can't control themselves around him. His personality is changing for the worse.

 

I told him that that is the most rediculous thing I've ever heard! Woman just don't flock around a "notso-overly-attractive" guy for no freakin' reason. He's doing something to cause this. He needs to face up and take responsibility for leading these women on. NO ONE is that damn charming.

[elijahBailey]

edit: OP just explained her situation so what I wrote is not relevant.

[luvtoto]

You have just got to read his email. Is this guy full of crap or what? How could I have thought I was so special to this guy? I am not an easy that easy to crack...he really strived this last year to get under my radar.

 

When he finally did...he just chocked it up to..."Oh my bad!...I am just charming like that! It happens all the time. How silly of you to read me wrong."

 

I am just so pissed right now!!

 

No, you aren't the first one to tell me I am a superflirt (in fact, I'm quite sure we've

mentioned that before, and I've not denied it)... I've been married, and

even today, she is still attracted to me. Do I care? Not really.... Yes,

I've met more along the way who have been incredibly attracted to me... even

to the point of stalkin' me. (No, I'm not full of myself, I just know what

I'm told). I'm not denying that I have a knack for saying things that make

women feel good, but I'm not doin' it to attract you (or anyone else), it's

all genuine, and from the heart (some call it "charm"). It's just not

shrouded in "ulterior motive", like most guys. I never "tried" to impress

you, or turn you on to me.... I was just myself.... you were turned on and

impressed by a guy who treated you like no-one else ever had.... should I be

sorry for that, next time I treat you badly? Not my nature, and in your

heart, you know that. You must understand, I have at least a dozen other

female friends who have absolutely no problem with me, and appreciate me for

my ability to put a smile in their heart with NO EXPECTATIONS in return.

With the exception of about 2 or 3, I remain friends with every woman I've

met since my separation. (No, I'm not 'dating' tons of women, I make friends

easily--for some reason, nearly everyone I meet likes me). That's who I am,

and who I will always be. I guess if this poses a problem for you, then you

are right.... our friendship's not gonna make it (you see, I made a decision a long time

ago, that I wanted you as a friend--I've never questioned that.... I still

do. I guess that's where I'm different than most... I'm here, and available

to anyone who CHOSES to be my friend.... those who chose not, well... I'm

still here). I am, and always have been, ready, willing, and able to accept

you for who you are, regardless if I agree with you or not. I have also been

here to listen to you, and shown compassion to you when you needed someone

to be there. Even after you had decided you didn't want to (or couldn't) be

my friend anymore, still I was there for you when you needed me. What you

need to understand about me, is that I give all I have, straight from the

heart, for EVERY ONE of the people I care about. Some of those people are

guys, some are women.... all share one thing in common, they are my

friends!! If that makes me wicked and evil, if that means I am a bad person,

or whatever else it is you think I am, then yes, that's me--devil

incarnate!!

 

On another note, I'm very happy it's goin' so good for you..... ya see, this

is why I've had so many doubts about the possibility of us. It never

really was "smooth sailin'" for us.... Yes, there was a connection, but it

just wasn't enough to overcome everything else between us!! I tried to

explain that to you, but you didn't want to hear it..... I meant every thing

I ever said to you... yes, I did (and still do) care about you (and your

kids)... but if you recall, one of the things that came up frequently was when I said

"if you lived closer to me, I could fall for you"... in no way does that mean I did.... it

means exactly what I said.... "could". You see, the world is full of people

I (and you) "could" fall for, that does not in any way, shape or form, mean

we "will".... there is someone for each of us out there (more than one

someone, I believe).... but in order for it to happen, it requires that the

moon and stars (and a number of other factors totally unknown to me) are in

line to make it actually happen. Timing is absolutely everything!!!

 

[luvtoto]

edit: OP just explained her situation so what I wrote is not relevant.

 

Sorry, Elijah.

[cal gal]

Sorry for being so vague. The real story behind my question is that I broke NC with my "He made me love him" guy (see my history). We had a blow-out the last time I talked with him, and I just emailed him the other day to tell him sorry.

 

He wrote me back right away stating that as far as he's concerned, our friendship never had to end and that I just took a break from it. He also stated that has no clue why I would have developed feelings for him in the year and a half we knew each other. He doesn't think he mislead me.

 

I wrote him back stating that he is a "super-flirt", and I am sure I am not the only woman to fall victim to his antics. He wrote me back a freakin' two page letter explaining to me that he has woman falling all over him all the time...even stalking him. He says he's just being himself and it's not his fault that he knows how to make women feel good about themselves. (He has a knack...trust me. I even fell for it!)

 

Since his divorce a year ago, he has just turned into this egotistical ass....basically full of himself. It's like, he's feeding off of these woman that can't control themselves around him. His personality is changing for the worse.

 

I told him that that is the most rediculous thing I've ever heard! Woman just don't flock around a "notso-overly-attractive" guy for no freakin' reason. He's doing something to cause this. He needs to face up and take responsibility for leading these women on. NO ONE is that damn charming.

 

 

Well Honey,

 

For me my mind is consumed with a few aspects of the situation that you are presenting here:

 

1. Some people in life naturally flirt without the intention of harming anyone.. These are usually called (people magnets). My mom said I was like that even as a baby and one of my son's is the same way, so I can completely understand the concept and how it unravels (not that the intention is ever to be harmful).

 

2. Some people you meet have "open" body language and that gives others (even strangers) the notion that being closer to you physically or even touching you a lot is acceptable. I AM that way (yes, people think they have every right to always touch me), and I am not a gal that over the 20 years I was married would EVER consider cheating in hubby! I just knew it as a way of life.

 

3. I suppose you need to find out TRULY what his intentions are and where his heart is. IS he a person like me (and my son) that enjoys people of all walks of life and they instinctively know that... or is he a player and working people to his advantage?

 

Some of these conclusions may help us to know what direction you need to think about. Give careful consideration to situations where you have been in a social setting, and how he made you feel.... did he give you reason to worry or a reason to understand that he was committed to you?

[luvtoto]

Well Honey,

 

For me my mind is consumed with a few aspects of the situation that you are presenting here:

 

1. Some people in life naturally flirt without the intention of harming anyone.. These are usually called (people magnets). My mom said I was like that even as a baby and one of my son's is the same way, so I can completely understand the concept and how it unravels (not that the intention is ever to be harmful).

 

2. Some people you meet have "open" body language and that gives others (even strangers) the notion that being closer to you physically or even touching you a lot is acceptable. I AM that way (yes, people think they have every right to always touch me), and I am not a gal that over the 20 years I was married would EVER consider cheating in hubby! I just knew it as a way of life.

 

3. I suppose you need to find out TRULY what his intentions are and where his heart is. IS he a person like me (and my son) that enjoys people of all walks of life and they instinctively know that... or is he a player and working people to his advantage?

 

Some of these conclusions may help us to know what direction you need to think about. Give careful consideration to situations where you have been in a social setting, and how he made you feel.... did he give you reason to worry or a reason to understand that he was committed to you?

 

Thanks Cal_Gal. I am just soo confused by this guy. I have never met anyone that flirts as much as he does. Just last fall, he told me that he cares more for me than he has for his x-wife in a long time. He suggested that my kids & I move to where he lives and live with him.

 

Actually, there is an email in my box from him right now...just too pissed to open it. I just do not see his point of view at all. He just seems so proud of his ability to whoo women.

[cal gal]

Thanks Cal_Gal. I am just soo confused by this guy. I have never met anyone that flirts as much as he does. Just last fall, he told me that he cares more for me than he has for his x-wife in a long time. He suggested that my kids & I move to where he lives and live with him.

 

Actually, there is an email in my box from him right now...just too pissed to open it. I just do not see his point of view at all. He just seems so proud of his ability to whoo women.

 

If you can determine what his REAL intentions are by overlooking the flirting - you might be able to make a smart decision. Do not go off of emotions if you want to make your decision with your brain...

[luvtoto]

Well, Cal Gal, do men misunderstand your friendliness for flirting? Is that what you are saying?

[cal gal]

Well, Cal Gal, do men misunderstand your friendliness for flirting? Is that what you are saying?

 

Not really, because I don't play games about what my true intentions are. Men (generally speaking) are a lot more upfront about tis concept like we are.

[luvtoto]

I think I finally figured out my issue here...

My "he made me love him" guy broke my heart and bad. I guess I am in the anger/bargaining phase. I didn't realize how much I cared for him. Damn. I can't believe I got my heart broke under my nose. I was so careful with him.

 

so, now, that I know the problem...I am going to start healing.