TrueSmiles12 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 recent post: is it really over for him?? so, do his actions speak louder than words? his words make it clear that is VERY VERY animate about us NEVER getting back together because he doesn't want to trust me again and then get hurt again, etc etc etc or deal with my "drama." BUT..... meanwhile, we still do talk everyday, because he calls me everyday. and we still friendly talk and talk about the things we could do when he comes out to visit me in a month (if he even still decides to do so). sometimes he brings up what he is most angry about as far as what failed in our relationship but still makes it a point to remind me that he will never go back... so on top of calling me, he texts me, he is paranoid about who i'm going away for the weekend with and who i'm talking to when i happen to be on the phone with him at the same time... and then when i ask him about why he says one thing and acts a different way, he admits to being paranoid because it's hard to trust me again and that he doesn't really know, but that he's allowed to do that... i don't really understand that all that much... but is he just confused? i mean why would he still be paranoid and worried about who i'm talking to, if it's a guy, and who i'm going away for the weekend with? more importantly, do you think he's just so animate and stern with his words because if he says it outloud, he could make himself really believe that he will never let us work out again?????? please help me find answers to these questions. thank you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 He sounds like he's confused in his own head. I don't know how I feel about the cliche - actions speak louder than words. But, I know that his mental mind games aren't healthy. Regardless of how the break-up happened, you both need space. Stop talking to him everyday. If he gets paranoid, let him deal with it. His jealousy is not your problem. As hard as it is, try to put some space between you guys. You may not want it, but it's the best thing. If he really doesn't want to be with you again, this space will allow you to deal with the issues that remain. If he does come around and want to work it out, the space will give you time you need to grow and learn from what shouldn't happen the next time around. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Sounds like he just wants you to suffer. He doesn't want to let you go so you find anyone else, but he continually tells you that you have messed things up with him. It's a form of manipulation that he may not even be aware he's using. Yeah, maybe he "wants you back" (not that you've gone anywhere) but you're better off without him until you both figure things out. So you may have hurt him in the past, but do you have to be made to feel eternally guilty over it? It doesn't sound like this guy is willing to ever let it die. Don't you want to be free of that? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 agreed that the relationship needs to be clarified. if he gave you permission to have other relationships, then he can't hold you hostage now. call his bluff. if he says no relationship then stop talking to him. if he says he wants to try then it has to be more 'structured'. and what do you want? do you want to be exclusive or see others? it's obvious that an open relationship doesn't work for this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueSmiles12 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 update on this situation... so we started becoming close friends again, basically starting from scratch. things had been going well. and i went home this weekend, and i didnt originally plan on seeing him, well because we aren't together, so why should i.. and he threw a fit because he said that we was still coming out here via plane just to see me so why couldnt i travel 10 miles while i was in town to see him... so i arrived at his place on sunday and planned to stay the night on sunday and leave monday morning to head back to school. everything was great during the day, i hung out and got along really well like i always do with his friends. we were all just hanging out, i did some work, and he said i was acting weird when i wasnt all over him. he basically wanted to act like we were together and how it was. it was weird, but i kept my distance and just wanted us to be cool and have fun again. my goal was really just to show him that him and i could be friends and sometimes with another level attached ot it, to show him that we could have fun, and we always have a good time when we're around each other..... it was going great. until.. sunday night, we had been playing drinking games all day and i more or less flipped out about a girl who came over (but i had no idea who she was, she came alone and as soon as she came, he started distancing himself from me). i strongly reacted and it was a HUGE misunderstanding. i started packing up my stuff and loading it into my car and kept stating that i couldnt spend the night there to watch what was going to happen between them. i was getting upset because i knew i didnt want to go there and the last thing i wanted to do was watch him be with someone else. but.... i had no idea who she was until we were mid fight, mid arguing, and him and all his friends were like, 'they've been friends for 7 years and nothing has ever happened between them. stop being such a drama queen.' the fight escalated into a horrible nightmare and it involved the police and he has threatened to file a restraining order against me! because he claims that he is afraid of me!! help me understand this because i didn't do anything that deserves me having to feel like a criminal or a harm to society. this is killing me because it should not have ended like this and escalated into this horrible of a situation. he couldn't even settle down to have a conversation with me so we could work things out. i flipped out, overreacted and misunderstood the whole situation. i apologized and only wanted him to understand me. instead, he threatened to call the police and have me arrested if i didn't leave because he doesn't ever want to see me or hear from me ever again.... all because of a misunderstanding?! please talk this over with me and help me see some light at the end of this tunnel. i do not want an ending like this. it is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I dunno... it sounds like you drank too much. Maybe you should just apologize for drinking too much. Obviously you flipped out big time if they called the police, so maybe it is more than a "misunderstanding" like you remember. I think you should just play his game and stop talking to him. He is the one who has threatened this "restraining order" even though he guilted you into spending the weekend, as you explain it. If your relationship with him is truly as you say it is, he should be calling again soon wondering why you haven't called him. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Actions should follow the words, in most cases. Actions should coordinate with the words, in most cases. But we humans don't always do what we should, do we? -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Actions should follow the words, in most cases. Actions should coordinate with the words, in most cases. But we humans don't always do what we should, do we? -Rio WoW, very well put Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrueSmiles12 Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 in your honest opinion, do you think things will ever be able to be repaired? do you think i will ever get a chance to apologize and be with him again?? in my heart, i know he loves me, but apparently just not enough to stick around because he's "afraid"..... but when can love overcome all odds in this situation? i want time to take its natural course, but i also very much want it to take the course i wish for... do you think it's possible? even in the least bit? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I honestly hope not, for your sake, because he sounds like a total jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
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