sandra Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. We were the so close that if we didn't see each other a day we'd both be calling each other a million times and promise to see each other the next day. Last year he had to leave for overseas on business and we had been apart for about 6 months. After he came back, things weren't the same at all. He seemed more independent, like he didn't need me. Things really changed after the new year's party we went to. He introduced me to one of his close friend's friend who happens to be a girl. To make matters worse, a very attractive girl. She was flirting with him and I saw him get her number. To make the long story short, a week later I found out that she's been calling him. When I confronted him about it, he said they were just friends and that they hang out in a group and that he's never alone with her bla bla bla. My womanly instincts tell me that there is definetly something going on. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest4141 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 This is a difficult situation. I do have to say, as a woman myself, TRUST your instict tells you. I always have, and I have NEVER been wrong. I recently found out that my Husband has been secretly talking to a female co-worker. I had no reason to belive during all this he would be hiding anything, but my gut told me something was not right. I passed it off, but the feeling kept coming back, sometimes in the form of dreams. Chances are, they are attracted to eachother. My best advice to give you, is nip it in the butt before the friendship can "bloom". Why dont you suggest everyone go out for drinks or whatever. Tell him you like her, and would like to get to know her and have her as a friend too. Do you see where I am going with this....Keep your friends close, and enemies closer. She IS posing a threat by giving him her number. She knows he is in a relationship, and anyone with a half a brain would not do something like that (giving him her #) that could create a problem. She will pose as his friend, get him comfortable, get him to talk about you and him, and then when he is vulerable, will pounce on him the first chance she gets. I am sorry if I sound mean, but with ALL my experiences with this, men and women cant be friends of there is an attractiveness to one another, if thats the case. Just be carefull, yo dont want to run him off either with insecurities. I hope this helps... Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 There is nothing wrong with him being more independant. It would not be a good thing to absolutely need someone to live. You can love someone but you still need to be your own person. There is also nothing wrong with him having friends, even if they are girls. It is possessive and jealous to let something like that bother you. Is there a reason you feel this way? Do you not trust him? Are you not confident in your relationship? Do you not trust his affection for you? If he is not hiding anything or lying then don't let yourself get so worked up about this. He says they hang out as a group, well next time he goes to hang out go along. If he has a problem with it then that is a bad sign. Since you guys have been going out so long it would only be normal for you to meet his friends anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 nip it in the bud, as the other poster said. there's secure and independent, and then there's just plain 'smart". be the smart girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandra Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Guest4141, thanks! you're advice really helps. I'll try what you suggested. The hardest part of it all is trying to appear secure to him while trying to find out what is really going on. I totally relate to what you said about your feelings coming back in the form of dreams. That's been happening to me too. I hope the conversations your husband's been having with the co-worker was nothing. Did you confront him about it?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandra Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Barfool, thanks! I know I get real possessive and jealous. I guess I needed him to live , like you said. I know this is pathetic, but I'm working on being more independent. I think I'm just scared of losing him. But I definetly sense something wrong with him getting some girl's number infront of me. He's never done it before so... But I'll try and hang out with them next time they meet up, actually I think I'm gonna be around ever time they do until she's out of the picuture. Advice appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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