onehitwonder Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 hey all - decided to register and try again... in brief: broke up 6 months ago. we broke up because i moved away for work (a 6-month contract). and also, to be honest, because the looming spectre of my departure brought on a lot of fighting in the last half of our relationship. and to be even more honest, we both had considerable baggage going in, from previous relationships and depression, that added to the tension. still, we both felt this bond. i loved him fiercely, and i believe he loved me back. anyway, after i left, we tried LDR for 2 months, but he couldn't maintain it - he said it was too painful. the breakup was long, in fits and starts, involved a lot of breaking NC on both sides. before the breakup, i had told him i would be willing move back after the contract ended. problem was, it's a small town, and it wasn't clear there would be work for me there. still, i wanted to do it. but he gave conflicting messages: he loved me, he wanted me to succeed in my career, he couldn't give me what i'd want, move on, i clearly wasn't going to go back anyway...etc. it confused me, but he was clearly determined that the relationship was over. i asked him several times, over those months after the breakup, whether it would have been different, had i stayed. once, he said we probably would have stayed together; once, he said he didn't know, it was impossible to guess what would have happened. i didn't know what to think. we've now been NC for about 2 months. the last time we spoke (he called me) he told me he believes in actions over words - in other words, i'm not there, and that is more significant than just telling him i love him. but then he also basically said he doesn't know how to do long-term relationships, or if he can. i've tried to move on. i began dating someone a month or two ago. but my heart's not in it. i miss him intensely. he hasn't been dating anyone. then, quite recently, an old colleague from that same small town called me up out of the blue - and offered me a job!! it's a good job. great pay. and, happily, it would start about when my latest contract would end. trouble is, i don't know that i would want to go back to that town, if it weren't for my ex. i've tried and tried to see the thing clearly, without looking through the lens of that relationship. i.e., would i take it if he weren't in the picture? i might; it's my only current job offer, and it's pretty good. but i've still got time before my contract ends to look around for something in my current city...and overall, the potential for job advancement here is greater. but i can't get away from this fact: i want him back, and i would go back to be with him. if he wanted me back. so my question is: should i contact him about it? i know it's my choice, not his, and i don't want to put that pressure on him...but i really have no idea whether he'd even want to try again. and it would make a difference to me to know he did. so i don't know what to do. i don't know if it's fair to call. i don't know if it's fair not to. help?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author onehitwonder Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 please help, folks, i truly feel lost... i'm constantly stopping myself from calling or emailing because i don't want to break NC ... i certainly am afraid of looking any more pathetic than i already did in our last conversation, when i basically said i thought we belonged together and he was silent. silent. i'm so confused. because half the time he kept pointing out how i simply wasn't there. is this a good reason to call? i've considered the possibility of taking the job without warning him i'm coming back, since he apparently wanted the relationship to end... i just don't know what to do. i desperately want to call and talk it over with him. i guess that part of me just wants to know, once and for all, what he would feel about our relationship if i were back in town. damn. :( Link to post Share on other sites
skeptik224 Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 If you want to contact him, I don't see a problem with that. However, you don't want it to look like it's his decision. If you truly want him back, I would just tell him - don't ask - what you are doing...that you're coming back for a job and see what his reaction is. You need to do what's best for you - in love and work. I'm a firm believer that if you want something - Go get it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onehitwonder Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 thanks, skeptik. you're right - i know the decision is mine, and i can't just leave it up to him. i'll just have to make my decision, and then tell him. (or not, i guess...) gah, life is really hard sometimes. :( Link to post Share on other sites
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