why soem guys get so many girls and why other like me get none

[joel]

anyone now of why some guys never are single-always have a date or gf- get multiple girls , even cheat on some of em , gets sex all the time and ...... while some guys like me -can;t even get a single girl to date me other than an very obese girl which i find very unattrative-hey i even try too. whats the differ and secrets between us.

i even heard of some guys having crap job and driving these old clunkers and they get hot girls-wonder how they do it-u guys now of any guys and couple slike this and how are they like and what do they do -secrets

 

its not even money i think b/c most of the girls don;t even now if i'm rich or not and same for the guys-unless u tell em straight out- i don;t do that.

[erika2610]

anyone now of why some guys never are single-always have a date or gf- get multiple girls , even cheat on some of em , gets sex all the time and ...... while some guys like me -can;t even get a single girl to date me other than an very obese girl which i find very unattrative-hey i even try too. whats the differ and secrets between us.

i even heard of some guys having crap job and driving these old clunkers and they get hot girls-wonder how they do it-u guys now of any guys and couple slike this and how are they like and what do they do -secrets

 

its not even money i think b/c most of the girls don;t even now if i'm rich or not and same for the guys-unless u tell em straight out- i don;t do that.

 

Confidence, Joel.. which you lack, judging by your posts. I think that's what it boils down to, confidence.

[whichwayisup]

I mirror what Erika has said. Self confidence.

 

Do you love yourself Joel? Do you think you're a good person? If so, believe that, really tell yourself you're IT. Build up that confidence and if you have any insecurities or fears, learn how to not let them take over. If you feel good about you, you'll give off positive energy and people see that and are attracted to it.

[7on]

My case is usually mentally related. I suffer from something but I have no idea what. Probably a mesh of things to be honest.

[Curmudgeon]

happy in your own company and your own best friend and you'll also, likely, become a babe-magnet.

 

The ladies have it right (of course). Self-confidence is a poiwerful aphrodesiac!

[amerikajin]

anyone now of why some guys never are single-always have a date or gf- get multiple girls , even cheat on some of em , gets sex all the time and ...... while some guys like me -can;t even get a single girl to date me other than an very obese girl which i find very unattrative-hey i even try too. whats the differ and secrets between us.

 

Joel, it all starts with attraction. We've told you time and time again what is attractive in men but you won't listen, and more importantly, you are not taking decisive action to raise your attractive quotient.

 

I'm guessing the attitude you project on these message boards is reflective of how you behave in real life. Not to be mean, but Joel you are whiney! Stop being so whiney! Start acting like a man. Take some action. Take some responsibility. Do the things we have talked about here.

 

-Keep the negative emotions to yourself as much as possible. Do not talk about anything negative around women you are interested in. You will destroy your attraction quotient every time - every time. This is the biggest thing holding you back.

 

-Just talk to women and be objective. Just talk to them. Ask women about themselves. Show an interest. Listen to them and then dig deeper based on their interests. Forget about sex until you think there's a real opportunity for it.

 

-You are also terrified of rejection. That's understandable, because a lot of men (myself included) fear being invalidated by women they like, and it is probably the root cause of why men fail to attract the women they want.

 

-Start doing things that empower yourself, Joel. You need to start getting some goals, and start working toward them in a systematic way. You need to define your career goals, personal goals. Write them out on paper, and then go after them. Honestly, I need to do more of the same myself. But that's what you need to do. Women are attracted to guys who have goals and who like themselves. You do not seem too happy with yourself these days, Joel, and it's because you are not taking control of your life. You are relying too much on your parents or others to do your thinking and acting for you. Get off your #ss and get to work. When you clear that side of your life up first, I think other things will start to fall in line if you can remember to just frame things positively for yourself.

 

The guys who get all the chicks are not necessarily 'winners' but they are guys who project a high dose of self-esteem. They like themselves - a lot. That doesn't mean they don't have issues but they don't let those issues get in their way. Regardless of whether women actually like them, their thirst for fun and their positive vibes give them an edge.

[loony]

What's all this whining about? Basically every long time poster on LS at one time has told you what women want and what you are doing wrong. And? - Nothing happens. You don't follow the advice that guys with success give you, regardless whether it's advice for serious dating or for playing women, and you don't listen to the advice that women give you. You are lazy at school, you lie to the girls you meet, you complain if they lie back to you, you show of with things that you don't have to impress superficial girls and then complain that they are greedy gold-diggers - would it be possible that you take a little bit of responsibility for the things you do and for your own life???

[Sand&Water]

Agree with Loony. I've noticed from your previous posts, that you ask questions, receive answers but you don't take any of the advice to heart and move forward.

 

I think you need to sit down with yourself, and figure out what you want, and what potential you have to enhance characteristics you currently possess for the better. Work on improving yourself. Be a gentleman. Not a train wreck.

 

Good Luck

[Shark Skin]

Well, I don't know you, but let's be realistic, 90% of it is physical attraction. If a girl does not find you attractive, than it doesn't matter what you say or do. Does money help? It sure doesn't hurt. Confidence is a big plus too. By reading your post, it seems like you are lacking confidence. A girl wants a man to make them feel secure, and both Money and Confidence help. How many Rich guys do you know with ugly wives?

[noclobber]

Well, I don't know you, but let's be realistic, 90% of it is physical attraction. If a girl does not find you attractive, than it doesn't matter what you say or do. Does money help? It sure doesn't hurt. Confidence is a big plus too. By reading your post, it seems like you are lacking confidence. A girl wants a man to make them feel secure, and both Money and Confidence help. How many Rich guys do you know with ugly wives?

 

Based on your reply if the OP is not good looking then he is doomed

[loony]

Based on your reply if the OP is not good looking then he is doomed

Well, tell you what, as I'm in a great mood today , guys do not have to look that good to attract girls. It's us who have to work their butt off to look decent (and then we still don't get asked out... ).

[noclobber]

Well, tell you what, as I'm in a great mood today , guys do not have to look that good to attract girls. It's us who have to work their butt off to look decent (and then we still don't get asked out... ).

 

hahaha... it cuts both ways, ain't it?

 

but off late i have seen replies from women consistently emphasizing the "physical attractiveness" factor and that's why i wrote the above post. shark skin has clearly mentioned that 90% is based on looks.

[loony]

hahaha... it cuts both ways, ain't it?

 

but off late i have seen replies from women consistently emphasizing the "physical attractiveness" factor and that's why i wrote the above post. shark skin has clearly mentioned that 90% is based on looks.

I can give you some examples of couples where the girl looked way better than the guy. I can give you way less examples of couples where the guy looked better than the girl.

[noclobber]

I can give you some examples of couples where the girl looked way better than the guy. I can give you way less examples of couples where the guy looked better than the girl.

 

loony, i am sorry, i am not trying to get at you... but haven't you yourself seen women in LS repeatedly telling "physical attractiveness" is the most important factor?

[serial muse]

Er...two things. One, shark skin is a guy, so not sure what his 90% is based on looks tells us about what women want. Two, "attractiveness" doesn't necessarily refer to physical attractiveness, per se. Confidence, for example, is part of what makes a person "attractive". As we have established. Yes?

[noclobber]

Er...two things. One, shark skin is a guy, so not sure what his 90% is based on looks tells us about what women want. Two, "attractiveness" doesn't necessarily refer to physical attractiveness, per se. Confidence, for example, is part of what makes a person "attractive". As we have established. Yes?

 

If you are talking about Confidence then that's great 'cos that is a part of the guy's personality and he has a chance to work on it. But most of the replies from women on LS say "I know whether this guy will be my friend or boyfriend in less than 5 minutes".. to me it sounds like physical appearence is everything!

[loony]

loony, i am sorry, i am not trying to get at you... but haven't you yourself seen women in LS repeatedly telling "physical attractiveness" is the most important factor?

NoClob, have you seen the amount of "nice" guys who are running after some "beautiful" girl? They attribute any kind of positive sh*t to her and I'm sure it's not due to her fantastic inner values. And have you seen how other guys talk about women? They want the hot babes.

 

You're not going to convince that women are more superficial than men.

[serial muse]

interesting...i wouldn't say that those five minutes consist solely of sizing up a man's appearance at all. not at all. there's a lot more going on...and part of it is sheer chemistry, i'm afraid. it's funny how women will talk about "attraction" and "chemistry" and so forth, and men interpret that as being purely physical. akin to the "five love languages" issue - people have different criteria, but they apply their own to others, since that's what makes sense to them.

 

but. resist that assumption. it isn't necessarily true.

[loony]

If you are talking about Confidence then that's great 'cos that is a part of the guy's personality and he has a chance to work on it. But most of the replies from women on LS say "I know whether this guy will be my friend or boyfriend in less than 5 minutes".. to me it sounds like physical appearence is everything!

The way he carries himself can tell a woman if he has confidence or not. The way he is not afraid to look in her eyes without wavering tells her that he is someone who is grounded in himself. Body language can tell you a lot and just by observing people can you get a good idea of their character, they don't even have to say that much, even though a sexy calm voice can make me melt.

[serial muse]

women also have a more sensitive sense of smell, in general. that doesn't mean you should drench yourself in drakkar noir - but it means she's got another built-in tool to suss out a potential good mate for herself.

 

that's not saying one man smells "better" than another - again, sometimes it's just chemistry.

[TeaCooler]

interesting...i wouldn't say that those five minutes consist solely of sizing up a man's appearance at all. not at all. there's a lot more going on...and part of it is sheer chemistry, i'm afraid. it's funny how women will talk about "attraction" and "chemistry" and so forth, and men interpret that as being purely physical. akin to the "five love languages" issue - people have different criteria, but they apply their own to others, since that's what makes sense to them.

 

but. resist that assumption. it isn't necessarily true.

 

i agree. a guy can look good, but if he opens his mouth and is a blithering idiot, an obnoxious turd, or a pu$$y, you can tell almost instantly. 5 minutes is overdoing it sometimes.

[noclobber]

Wonderful replies loony and serial muse

 

I am getting a better idea about "attractiveness" from your posts...

 

serial muse, can you please expound on "chemistry"?

[serial muse]

hm. good question, noclobber. and lord knows, i wish i could easily explain it to myself.

 

i guess, to me, chemistry is a "sense" i get of someone...are we on the same wavelength? when our eyes meet, is there a kind of recognition there? when he smiles at me, do i feel it go straight through me? i have experienced - or not experienced - those things within five minutes before. sometimes it wasn't with someone i would have thought i'd find particularly attractive, from a physical description...but they seem to give off waves of something that draws me in, makes me want to get closer. so, i have concluded that i don't really have a "type", physically speaking. i just look for that unspoken interaction. and if it's there, i know we're onto something.

 

i don't know exactly how to explain it, because it's not something i think you can make happen or not. at the biochemical level, i suppose it could just be pheromones.

[noclobber]

hm. good question, noclobber. and lord knows, i wish i could easily explain it to myself.

 

i guess, to me, chemistry is a "sense" i get of someone...are we on the same wavelength? when our eyes meet, is there a kind of recognition there? when he smiles at me, do i feel it go straight through me? i have experienced - or not experienced - those things within five minutes before. sometimes it wasn't with someone i would have thought i'd find particularly attractive, from a physical description...but they seem to give off waves of something that draws me in, makes me want to get closer. so, i have concluded that i don't really have a "type", physically speaking. i just look for that unspoken interaction. and if it's there, i know we're onto something.

 

i don't know exactly how to explain it, because it's not something i think you can make happen or not. at the biochemical level, i suppose it could just be pheromones.

 

hahaha... we just can't direct our hearts to fall in love with some one.. do we?

[lindya]

-Just talk to women and be objective. Just talk to them. Ask women about themselves. Show an interest. Listen to them and then dig deeper based on their interests. Forget about sex until you think there's a real opportunity for it.

 

The guys who get all the chicks are not necessarily 'winners' but they are guys who project a high dose of self-esteem. They like themselves - a lot. That doesn't mean they don't have issues but they don't let those issues get in their way. Regardless of whether women actually like them, their thirst for fun and their positive vibes give them an edge.

 

This is so true.

 

Joel - you're a classic example of the guy whose number one priority is to be successful with women. Not a particular woman, but just women in general.

 

Look at this....

 

anyone now of why some guys never are single-always have a date or gf- get multiple girls , even cheat on some of em , gets sex all the time and ...... while some guys like me -can;t even get a single girl to date me other than an very obese girl which i find very unattrative-hey i even try too. whats the differ and secrets between us.

 

Joel, you sound like a bit of a nerd. I don't say that to be unkind, but we both know that people your age (you've got to be in your teens) are generally categorised as one or the other. You're one, from the sound of things....and facing up to it is the first step in moving on from it.

 

It's going to be a bit harder for you to get going with the opposite sex than it is for the cooler guys - but it needn't be completely impossible. You really need to pay heed to what Amerikajin is telling you. Be interested in the girl you speak to. As a human being. A person just like you. Right now, I don't hear you focusing on a particular girl and said "she's hot...I like the way she smiles, she makes me laugh, she's fun to spend time with...." The impression is more that you just want a sort of "starter girlfriend" - and you're not too fussy who, as long as she isn't fat.

 

A passably attractive girl your age as somebody who might, if you play your cards right, allow you to grab her boobs while you attempt to French kiss her. What a special compliment that is for anyone who goes out with you.

 

Many people do start out on that basis...but once they get past the age of about 14 it becomes a bit undignified to go out with someone just for the sake of being able to say that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to develop the ability to admire a particular girl for her unique qualities. Have the capability to make her feel special. If you can do that, she might be flattered enough look beyond the nerdiness and take you on as an "I'll turn Joel into a respectable boyfriend" project. Then, you never know, it could blossom into love.