On line dating reality

[Mary3]

Previous poster : My biggest recommendation: Get the guy on the phone as soon as possible, and if he's normal on the phone, set up a date ASAP. No point wasting a ton of time chatting over email. Might as well find out early if there's any chemistry, and go from there. And keep the conversation on the phone and in person if possible. People let things drag on longer than they need to if they're unfolding mostly over email or IM.

~~~~~~~~~

My response :

Absolutely correct ! This weeds out the severe weirdos , the manic misfits, the dweebs , the socially retarded, the losers who have NO intention of ever meeting you because they are really turds who are married or weigh 475 lbs behind the monitor .

 

I don't put alot of weight in the on-line dating anymore. Been through it and found this :

 

4 % had ADD

15% had bi polar disorders

15% had no job

20% had weird sexual fantasies they wanted to share

25 % had no intention of meeting

30% were married

55% wanted pictures and masterbating was their goal

65 % were chronic serial losers

85 % were CHEAP

90% were selfish

99.9 % wanted no committment

[littlekitty]

Isn't it a bit unfair to tar it all with the experience you had? There's been tons and tons of successful Online Dating stories on here, including myself!!

 

I think a large amount is down to the sites you use, how you put yourself out there, and how you read people.

 

If you're looking for commitment in the end, say it on your profile, then the people who don't want it won't contact you.

 

There are weirdos like you mention in every bar, club and conventional place for meeting people. It's always down to YOU to weed out the weirdos!!

[Hungryhorse]

I agree with Mary3 all the people I dated on the internet had something wrong with them. My experience:

 

1 recovering alcoholic, always insisted on going back to his house as he was unable to go anywhere that sold alcohol, gave me long lectures on the evils of drinking despite smelling of lager whenever I saw him.

 

1 had anger management issues

 

1 had a weight problem who had to turn sideways to get

through door I could have fitted 3 of me in his trouser leg!

 

1 with financial problems and in serious debt, wondered why he was so keen for me to move in !!

 

1 took one look at me and didn’t want to stay, date lasted 5 minutes max, self esteem recovery a little longer !

 

2 with bad teeth and halitosis

 

2 who invited me on second dates to a meal but expected me to pay ?!

 

1 with aspergers personality disorder, who asked me my salary on first date ?

 

1 stalker

 

1 whose dad kept writing to me blaming me for rejecting his son after 4 dates though his son didn’t want to see me again !

 

2 unable to make any conversation beyond yes and no answers

 

1 mumbled into his foot at the end of a date “… not much chemistry, s’pose we could meet again if you wanted?!” hmm don’t strain yourself I am not that desperate !! I didn’t feel that enthusiasm was worth responding to when he phoned again !

 

2 looking for friendship only

 

2 in which during the date I wondered why I had turned up and never saw them again

 

I could go on …

 

Speaking from personal experience only I do feel internet dating harbours these social inadequates in vast quantities. There may be some good guys but alas I never had the good fortune to meet any.

[Art_Critic]

I agree with Mary3 all the people I dated on the internet had something wrong with them. My experience:

 

1 recovering alcoholic, always insisted on going back to his house as he was unable to go anywhere that sold alcohol, gave me long lectures on the evils of drinking despite smelling of lager whenever I saw him.

 

1 had anger management issues

 

1 had a weight problem who had to turn sideways to get

through door I could have fitted 3 of me in his trouser leg!

 

1 with financial problems and in serious debt, wondered why he was so keen for me to move in !!

 

1 took one look at me and didn’t want to stay, date lasted 5 minutes max, self esteem recovery a little longer !

 

2 with bad teeth and halitosis

 

2 who invited me on second dates to a meal but expected me to pay ?!

 

1 with aspergers personality disorder, who asked me my salary on first date ?

 

1 stalker

 

1 whose dad kept writing to me blaming me for rejecting his son after 4 dates though his son didn’t want to see me again !

 

2 unable to make any conversation beyond yes and no answers

 

1 mumbled into his foot at the end of a date “… not much chemistry, s’pose we could meet again if you wanted?!” hmm don’t strain yourself I am not that desperate !! I didn’t feel that enthusiasm was worth responding to when he phoned again !

 

2 looking for friendship only

 

2 in which during the date I wondered why I had turned up and never saw them again

 

I could go on …

 

Speaking from personal experience only I do feel internet dating harbours these social inadequates in vast quantities. There may be some good guys but alas I never had the good fortune to meet any.

 

Makes me wonder what your problem is.. or what socal inadequacy you have..

Just saying because you painted online dating with such a broad brush that it also included you.. remember that you were doing online dating as well

[loony]

:eek: :eek:

 

Nonetheless:

 

I think HungryHorse needs to work on her judgement of people. Weird people don't appear like this unless you are not discriminating enough in your search and just take whatever appears on your doorstep.

[alphamale]

weigh 475 lbs behind the monitor .

what?! would they weigh less if they were in front of the monitor?

 

I don't put alot of weight in the on-line dating anymore.

i've already been saying that online dating it a total waste of time....use it for entertainment or to kill time if you want but don't get too serious with it.

[Devildog]

what?! would they weigh less if they were in front of the monitor?

 

More of a wraparound kinda thing Alpha. another 230 lbs. on each side of the monitor.

[littlekitty]

Well said A_C!!

 

I believe there's quality to be had out there... there must be... I was out there!!!

 

Loony - Too true! It's up to the person to work these things out.

 

HH - Did you not see several (up-to-date) pictures of the fat guy? How could it have been a surprise. I never chated with anyone who couldn't provide recent pictures. Did you not have email chats or phone chats with the YES/NO guys? If they didn't make me laugh with witty conversation, I deleted them! Am I picky? Der YES!! That's how I found the quality! If you search among the dregs....

[kitten chick]

I agree with Mary3 and HH although they forgot all of the men in committed relationships on there. I tried online dating for a few weeks and these are the kinds of guys I came across and it got to the point where it was just disturbing. I declined to meet all of them. I think online dating is a waste of time but some people do well with it.

 

And littlekitty, I think you're a great person and I'm really glad that you found someone that is right for you online but, with all due respect, he has a psycho ex that is making your life miserable.

[littlekitty]

I agree with Mary3 and HH although they forgot all of the men in committed relationships on there. I tried online dating for a few weeks and these are the kinds of guys I came across and it got to the point where it was just disturbing. I declined to meet all of them. I think online dating is a waste of time but some people do well with it.

 

And littlekitty, I think you're a great person and I'm really glad that you found someone that is right for you online but, with all due respect, he has a psycho ex that is making your life miserable.

 

Thanks for the laugh KC!!

 

True! But he's a good man, it's not his fault she can't deal with things. We all make mistakes, and he was honest enough to tell me about his child and ex from the get go!

 

My point is that you have to be pro-active and work hard to get internet dating to work for you. But it is possible. Millions do it and get good results. I've had two good relationships from Internet Dating. I'm obviously good at weeding out the garbage...!

[Hungryhorse]

Makes me wonder what your problem is.. or what socal inadequacy you have..

Just saying because you painted online dating with such a broad brush that it also included you.. remember that you were doing online dating as well

 

Dear Art Critic, I don’t have a problem or a social inadequacy and was quite aware internet dating also included myself. Appreciate you can only go on what I have put here but if you knew me I am sure you would find I was a nice, friendly, well balanced and well educated person with good values finding it difficult to meet suitable dates. I have a supportive family and many friends.

 

I did say:

 

Speaking from personal experience only ...

 

and I was just giving my experience of it which appreciate isn't everybodys.

 

Loony and Little Kitty, thanks you are right I probably should have been a little more discerning though all these people fell into my search criteria. On reflection with the knowledge I had at that time (a picture, few details and telephone conversation) I would probably have still have gone on the dates. I did only have a head and shoulders shot of the large guy and due to having had a lot of calls that led no where after guys keeping me for 30+ minutes on the phone, thought it was better to keep the calls to approximately 10 minutes and meet sooner rather than later which is I figured is the only way to tell if there is any attraction/connection. Unfortunately found there is a limit to how much you can ask or tell over the phone from a conversation with a person I don’t know. No one is going to tell you they are an alcoholic or have a debt problem over the phone setting up a blind date but do appreciate everyone's comments.

[littlekitty]

Loony and Little Kitty, thanks you are right I probably should have been a little more discerning though all these people fell into my search criteria. On reflection with the knowledge I had at that time (a picture, few details and telephone conversation) I would probably have still have gone on the dates. I did only have a head and shoulders shot of the large guy and due to having had a lot of calls that led no where after guys keeping me for 30+ minutes on the phone, thought it was better to keep the calls to approximately 10 minutes and meet sooner rather than later which is I figured is the only way to tell if there is any attraction/connection. Unfortunately found there is a limit to how much you can ask or tell over the phone from a conversation with a person I don’t know. No one is going to tell you they are an alcoholic or have a debt problem over the phone setting up a blind date but do appreciate everyone's comments.

 

I certainly understand the desire to see if the attraction is there, but I always swapped at least a week or so worth of messages chatting and getting to know about them, asking insightful questions, getting extra pictures (so you know it's not a nicked pic) etc. This usually was followed with a brief telephone conversation, and then meeting.

 

Just MY recommendations for OD.

 

Sorry you had a bad experience!! I have an inkling some sites are better than others....!

[Mary3]

In response : In all fairness I have met some who have become friends , a few romances , concert buddies mostly and people who like to just hangout. That part has worked out fine.

 

I have had a few romances but most are not interested in anything long term. Maybe its my city I live in ? lol. I know, I need to find out in the beginning what that person is looking for. Trying to find that out is another matter . hehe

 

( You need to know that 85% of those who have responded I have never met as I am picky about who I meet . Its once you meet them that you find some of the factors mentioned. )

A few romances that were relationships but soon to find hidden agendas and short term non committals ones but I have to say a larger percentage where of what I described, is what I found.

 

I also found those who wanted sex ( closer to 90% ) and that was about it. I found that to be a high ratio as opposed to those who really wanted a relationship. Did I forget to mention the ones who wanted FWB's ?

 

I have to add that I agree with the poster who said I should put committed relationship on my profile. I believe that I have put that ( long term relationship ) but still get lots of men who want : Intimate encounters, brief encounters , just friends first, just friends.

 

So despite what you put on the profile you still get the marrieds , the psycho babbles, ones that never even read your profile and just look at your picture. Then you get the ones who tell you straight out they think you are hot and can they hook up with you ?

 

I receive alot of emails , winks, kisses and all the other forms of contact.

80% don't even live in my state , Of the 20% that do , those I decided to meet ( some but not all ) and go on a date revealed a completely different side when I met them. The * average * guy weighed 275 lbs ( I do like big guys but can they be honest in their stats ? ) The guy who couldn't post a picture because he was married ( later found out ). Gee that is getting more common , the blank pictures, a girl has got to ask herself if its blank because he is camera challenged or is he not wanting you advertise his face because he is married ?

 

I know those who have met that special person and I think thats wonderful . I dont think its the norm though ,I think its the exception not the rule. For those who did find the One , I think thats awesome. !

 

For me, its not taken as seriously as it used to be. The hopes that you could find someone on-line. Is it possible ? Yes , of course. Will it ever happen ? I won't know because I am too busy weeding through and getting it hard to want to find something serious.

 

I still like meeting people though and its great to be able to do that part.; I think to not attach a deeper meaning or to have high expectations until the friendship progresses is the key.

[Art_Critic]

( You need to know that 85% of those who have responded I have never met as I am picky about who I meet . Its once you meet them that you find some of the factors mentioned. )

 

then I might suggest to you that your picking stragedy is flawed..

 

You picked the 15% that are fu*ked up.. you should try and expand your horizons and pick guys that are not your norm.. you may just find the love of your life that way.

 

Remember that you are playing a recorder from your past/growing up as to waht type of guy you pick..

You might want to alter that recording some.

[alphamale]

then I might suggest to you that your picking stragedy is flawed..

yes, A_C....maybe MARY3 needs to go over to eHarmony and utilize their "29 dimensions of compatibility"

 

ha Ha ha ah ah haaa HA

[InmannRoshi]

I don't put alot of weight in the on-line dating anymore. Been through it and found this :

 

4 % had ADD

15% had bi polar disorders

15% had no job

20% had weird sexual fantasies they wanted to share

25 % had no intention of meeting

30% were married

55% wanted pictures and masterbating was their goal

65 % were chronic serial losers

85 % were CHEAP

90% were selfish

99.9 % wanted no committment

 

Which category did you fall in?

[barfool]

I've done some online dating. Usually through talking on IM or through email I weed out who I would like to talk to on the phone. Then if the conversations are good I will meet in person. I take it slow and this way tend to not meet the wackos.

[SuperMonk]

Nothing wrong with committed people who want to look for "friends" or even a next partner. Everyones trying to find love, even losers who use online dating which includes women & men in this thread who use it.

[Mary3]

Which category do I fit into ? Lets see : Cheap , lol. .

[Mary3]

yes, A_C....maybe MARY3 needs to go over to eHarmony and utilize their "29 dimensions of compatibility"

``````

I did the E Harmony and was told they could not help me....too picky...

 

Match . com said only 3 % of the population could meet what I want.

 

I think I need to loosen my standards a bit LOL !

 

But honestly I know what I am looking for...I have to say that ....I know exactly what I am looking for but apparently he does not live on Earth....lmmfao...

[Mary3]

I know what the real problem is : I am picking young hot guys who don't want comittment..

 

I noticed older males settled down , want what I want.

[clandestinidad]

I know what the real problem is : I am picking young hot guys who don't want comittment..

 

I noticed older males settled down , want what I want.

 

Yeah, but the older men apparently think that a young woman will want totally different things over time.

 

Like the guy I was supposed to finally meet after talking pretty much all day every day......he was flying here tomorrow morning......

 

He called tonight after he packed his luggage, and eventually told me that he's uncomfortable with the age difference because if we got married there would be a very high chance that I would leave him when he's older (he said 50's) because I would have felt sooo brought down and bored, or whatever. And that what I want will have changed a lot by that point....but what I want is a comfortable home and good family life. I love the quiet life....thats what I've always wanted. (besides the fact that he never got to learn a lot about me, since he just shut all those doors all of a sudden)

 

The other reason was because if he came here and fell in love w/ me, and had to go back to where he lives he wouldnt like it...so he had decided that he wouldnt ever date anyone long distance.

 

Apparently he just wasnt going to risk anything at all....even to SEE if any connection existed in person like it did long distance......

 

I was waiting for weeks to finally see him, and he cancels the night before.....

 

so, I guess my online 'dating' advice here is: Dont believe anything someone says about how crazy they are about you, and how youre the perfect girl, and how you have everything he's always wanted, and things about a prospective future.....its all crap, that he can just throw around on a whim, and then decide that any risk or effort or difficulty just isnt worth it

[Mary3]

kat* I totally relate to what you are saying. In so many ways. I understand that you would be good with someone older more stable but he kinda freaked and backed out at the last minute.

 

I once thought I solved the dilema by seeing this man on a web cam and he was indeed handsome and really said who he was , we agreed to me flying down because I wanted to see ( Famous Amusement Park ) and I landed and this guy who I had talked to many weeks sent me an email and said he could not make it. Thankfully I was able to meet friend in Cali and had a nice time But the real truth is. NO matter what someone TELLS you it does NOT make it so.

 

Please remember to go by the ACTIONS and the words mean zippo , nothing ,

Kinda like Alpha said ( wish I could remember his exact quote ) But if what someone is saying and what they are doing don't match then you have a real problem.

 

I think this man for his own reasons decided he was going to back out. He may have felt they were right for him.

 

I think seriously you should protect your heart from someone who promises you they will love you, meet you, move near you, agree to a LDR, marry you, take care of you, and ect. Because in the end they can change their mind and on the internet its like POOF ! Its over in a second.

 

Just remember to protect your heart kat

[JayKay]

Just like real life dating, online dating can be hit or miss.

 

My friend from work is having a miserable time with it.

 

I fared better; about 7 years ago I decided to try it. I was going to grad school and working and finding it very difficult to meet people (other than bars, no thanks)

 

I met 2 nice guys who were just not my type.

 

I met 1 rather insecure guy who became sort of an e-mail buddy for a while. Again, nice....but kind of in a rush to meet and it freaked me a little.

 

I met 1 REALLY great guy who just wasn't ready for a relationship so soon after a breakup (or just wasn't into me, who knows)

 

I met one totally off-the-wall psycho who I could tell was a psycho after one phone conversation. When I nixed the idea of meeting he harrassed me repeatedly with nasty emails.

 

I met my current BF who I've been with for 6 years now and going strong.

 

 

 

In real life, dating seemed to follow a similar pattern. A couple of not-my-types, a non-committal, a real psycho/wierdo.....

 

 

You weed them out fast and keep moving. That's life.

 

 

Just be careful and good luck.

[Mary3]

I feel for you.

 

Whether someone has been on 2 or 50 internet dates, its from all the experiences that we can write here and let others know.

 

For those who made the comment of us who are on-line and writing here , thats exactly right.

 

We are on-line and we are chatting here ( er.. posting messages ) on these boards.

 

I have to be honest that 2 years ago I used to use the IM but since learned its not a great way for me to communicate because its time consuming.

 

The Love Shack I do invest my time in because I can LEARN alot everyday about myself and others, how to improve situations and thankfully how to not do some lame things I might have done with men had I not read it here first ! LOL