Rave Posted August 24, 2001 Share Posted August 24, 2001 Can you marry someone you aren't compatible with? My gf is a very nice girl and I do like her alot, the thing is she's very different from me personality wise. I am very out going and she is very quiet and reserved. She does have qualities I adore but at the same time our hobbies are very different too Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 24, 2001 Share Posted August 24, 2001 You can marry anybody who consents to marry you. However, you will find it much more fulfilling if you marry someone with whom you share interests, philosophies, religious ideals, and other commonalities. Even then, people change and their interests change. To have a successful marriage requires open mindedness and the ability to adapt to one's partner as the years go by and those changes occur. Link to post Share on other sites
Rave Posted August 24, 2001 Share Posted August 24, 2001 My thinking is can I have a best female friend and a wife existing in the same space? Am I too greedy or am I just fooling myself? I don't want to lose my gf but at the same time I feel sooooo comfortable with this new girl. Am I falling in love with her unknowingly? You can marry anybody who consents to marry you. However, you will find it much more fulfilling if you marry someone with whom you share interests, philosophies, religious ideals, and other commonalities. Even then, people change and their interests change. To have a successful marriage requires open mindedness and the ability to adapt to one's partner as the years go by and those changes occur. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 24, 2001 Share Posted August 24, 2001 Pardon me, but what are you really asking here? My thinking is can I have a best female friend and a wife existing in the same space? Why not? But is that all you really want from the new woman, and is that all she wants from you? Am I too greedy or am I just fooling myself? I don't want to lose my gf but at the same time I feel sooooo comfortable with this new girl. Am I falling in love with her unknowingly? The fact that you need to ask that at all probably provides the best clue. I agree with what Tony has to say about compatibility & marriage. To which I might add that compatibility does not require being identical. But it doesn't really sound to me like you're asking about your prospects for a happy marriage to your current girlfriend. It sounds to me like you're looking for justification to either break up with or, worse, cheat on your current girlfriend. If you don't love her you shouldn't be with her, even if she has dozens of admirable qualities. If you find that her admirable qualities just aren't enough for you then you ought to let her go so that she can find someone who will. That's the honest route and it conveniently would free you up to pursue the new woman . . . which is what it sounds like you want to do. You may find once you've let go of your girlfriend that you really WERE compatible with her, that her strengths compensated for your weaknesses and vice versa. You may find that you aren't really all that compatible with the new woman, that your similarities are only enjoyable when experienced on a less regular basis. But that's the risk you'll have to take. No one here can lessen that risk for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauren Posted August 24, 2001 Share Posted August 24, 2001 This is a very general post about a very serious decision - marriage. If you are seriously considering marriage with your girlfriend, there are more important things than "similarity" in personality and hobbies. I would guess that you don't want to marry your clone. I would also be confident in saying that you don't want to marry the person who "seems" to match perfectly. There really is no secret mix. People and relationships change over time based upon the experiences that they go through individually and together. Someone who may seem "exactly" like you - no matter how strongly you feel about it - are not "exactly" like you. Even your own attitudes and interpretations change - so how can any one person match that??!! Again, you have not given very much information for me to provide assistance. Similarity (not EXACT match) in personality and hobbies is probably a good mix in a relationship. But it is good with a buddy as well as with a wife/husband!! You say that there are other qualities that you adore - what qualities?? If you and your gf have similar values and goals and have similar attitudes regarding financial and religious matters, you have a great base. I'm not sure of your interpretation of out-going (extrovert) vs quiet and reserved (introvert). Extrovert vs Introvert is not a major difference to overcome. If you understand the way someone communicates (or doesn't communicate), you have respect for that and can overcome "differences" in communication methods. I wish that I could give you more advice, there just is not enough data regarding you, your gf and your relationship. Can you marry someone you aren't compatible with? My gf is a very nice girl and I do like her alot, the thing is she's very different from me personality wise. I am very out going and she is very quiet and reserved. She does have qualities I adore but at the same time our hobbies are very different too Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted August 25, 2001 Share Posted August 25, 2001 I would say go with your instinct. If you feel really happy and comfortable around her then whether you have the same interests or not is not so important. In fact, this is something you can change with good comminucation, compromise and curiosity. Try new things with her and suggest he to get involved in some of yours. From what you say you have a great base to work on. But don't consider marriage until you just instictively feel it is right. Link to post Share on other sites
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