Forgiveness

[Lil' Jinx]

I recently have felt convicted to apologize to someone that I feel I may have mistreated.

 

I have to confess, I was outrageously jealous over this women that was a friend of my boyfriend. It's not that I had a problem with him having female friends (almost all my friends are male),it just seemed as though she interfered in our relationship and I couldn't stand it.

 

She would on occasion phone his house at odd hours (2am) to ask him to go to her house to watch a movie. I heard my boyfriend tell her "No. I've told you already I have a girlfriend."

 

I invited her to come play pool with me, my boyfriend and a male friend of mine. I thought this would give me the opportunity to get to know her a little better.

 

While my boyfriend and friend were playing pool, she told me how much she disliked me, and said some very nasty things. I on the other hand lowered myself (or maybe defended, I guess it depends on how you look at it) and told her that I thought she must be a whore to phone my boyfriend at 2 am to ask him to come over. My boyfriend hasn't spoken with her since.

 

I don't know what basis she had to dislike me as she had only met me briefly once or twice.

 

I'm sure sometimes whether I was really jealous or just fed up with her antics. Maybe a bit of both. She is a very beautiful redhead, very skinny, with thick long flowing wavy red hair. I on the other hand am an attracive woman, I have never had difficulty attracting men. (I don't know why I felt compelled to include that). I

 

I feel terribly guilty for how I felt toward her. It was really very childish. I later found out that she had an awful childhood. I bet she is a really nice person. I don't know at this point seeking reconciliation would be beneficial. I know it would on my part. Lately I feel like I am going through some sort of spiritual cleansing.

 

Anyhow, to get to my question 1) a this point do you think reconciliation is an option?

 

2) What are your general thoughts about my situation?

 

Thank you.

[Tony T]

1) a this point do you think reconciliation is an option?

 

No!!! Why would you want some screwed up person in your life to cause more problems later on? There are many millions of screwed up people that she can be friends with and not interfere in their already screwed up lives.

 

Look for friends who are sane, rational and respectful of your relationship. Your life will be enriched by that, I promise you.

 

2) What are your general thoughts about my situation?

 

Stop feeling so guilty. Guilt is a totally worthless and unproductive emotion.

 

You don't need to befriend somebody who would call your boyfriend at 2a.m. to come to her place to see a movie. This girl has got to learn there are consequences to her actions. You don't need to suck up to her because she had some awful childhood and you feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for lots of people but I don't want them being a part of my life and screwing it all up.

 

As a matter of fact, you should make it an absolute habit, a vital part of your life, of eliminating any and all people who conduct themselves in an inconsiderate or disrespectful fashion towards you. Yes, if someone causes you pain more than a few times, just completely write them off forever. Life is too short to put up with people's crap.

 

If you will do this with everyone, no matter how much you may love them, you will feel so much better in the longrun. You'd be surprised how many people are miserable because they tolerate and stay in situations and with people they can't stand (but still profess "love" for them) or who are annoying and agravating.

 

I hope you will put a smile on your face and be proud that you had the nerve to tell this gal off. If anybody woman calls your boyfriend at any time (2a.m. or 2p.m.) to come to her place to see a movie, you go with him and you terminate the situation.

 

And stop feeling guilty about stuff. Do what you think is right...and forget about it. Move forward.

 

Oh, yes, by all means do forgive her...just don't ever see or talk to her again.

[midori]

Tony's absolutely right. The woman has an agenda that is incompatible with your relationship with your boyfriend. There is no room for friendship there. Your boyfriend seems to recognize this since he's not speaking to her anymore. You shouldn't give this a second thought.

[BeenThere]

It sounds like the person you need to forgive is yourself. Your feeling bad because you lost your temper, but anyone reading your post will agree that you were justified. This girl is troubled, and befriending her won't fix it. You've already tried once.

 

When it comes to friends, quality is better than quantity.

 

Tony's absolutely right. The woman has an agenda that is incompatible with your relationship with your boyfriend. There is no room for friendship there. Your boyfriend seems to recognize this since he's not speaking to her anymore. You shouldn't give this a second thought.