witabix Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Rustysquirrel..... I am not in your shoes and so am not dismissing your gut feelings here. I have my own gut feelings based on what I have read here. She lied, she NEVER went to his house, that is what you said she said. Where was she when you rang that doorbell? Was she at his house? He sent her VDay emails, whats up with that? She is someone elses wife? Did he do that because he decided to? Or did he do that because her behaviour lead him to believe that was what was expected in their relationship? Of course they were placanting to you. They had been caught out, they both admitted that they understood why you feel the way did, so what the hell were they doing? They were doing something they KNEW you would be unhappy about, that is an act of commission, a deliberate act they engaged in that they KNEW you would be unhappy with. NOw you are the one asking how YOU get HER trust back. That my friend is so much rubbish as to be unbelievable. You have no need to prove anything to anyone here. Not him, not her. It is THEM who should be asking themselves these questions. HIM.... Why did I engage in this behaviour with another man's wife when I knew he waould be unhappy? What can I do change my behaviour in the future so that I don't dump on someone elses relationship? HER... Why did I engage in a behaviour that I knew would cause my husband to distrust me? What can I do now to regain HIS trust? The question you should be asking yourself is.... Am I prepared to accept being fobbed off by placating words, that is IMO what they are doing. I feel it would have been better to talk with him face to face, you would have a gotten a better feeling for his truthfulness. Man, don't listen to this reverse phsycho-babble, you were the one they were upsetting, they KNEW it would. They need to make it up to you if you wish to let them. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Does she usually talk to her friends when you are not in her presence, or just him? She might seek advice from this man, maybe about your marriage etc which is why she wouldn't talk around you.. It might be an innocent relationship. She might love him as a friend and feel sorry for him. I wouldn't jump to conclusions right away unless you found more concrete evidence. I'd download a keylogger just to make sure and to know once and for all what they talk about all the time. GL Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 He caught her at this guys house!! Married women do not need to go to friends of the opposite sex to have drinks and such. She needs to get some more friends! The signs are all there. Of course Rusty wants to believe so bad that it's not true. Here is the kicker. Ask her to give him up and stop talking to him to save the marriage. If she refuses, there is your answer, she is sleeping with him. And he means more to her than you do. Wita just went through something using his intuition and he was right. Listen to him here. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 No offense, but friends go to eachothers houses. Some people of the opposite sex CAN stay FRIENDS with someone, without sex, believe it or not! I know of an example, but I won't get into depth. But there was a friendship where the man did want something more with a lady. He wanted to date her, but he wasn't her type, so she just stayed friends. They still went out to have fun, had drinks and watched movies together at his house and hers. But their friendship was nothing more. Keep in mind that this woman has no female friends. But she mostly talked to him about all her problems like you would with a girlfriend. How do I know? I lived with her. And she was in a long term relationship with someone else at the time. Many of you seem too jealous and paranoid. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 No offense, but friends go to eachothers houses. Some people of the opposite sex CAN stay FRIENDS with someone, without sex, believe it or not! MHF, no offense taken. She kept a relationship with another man away from her husband and told direct untruths about it. What is the truth_value of the statement... "I do not visit his house" When he sees her there with his own eyes? This is not a philosophy of truth semantic argument. She did not say "I visit his house under certain circumstances".... Or to give it more precisely.... "I visit his house iff certain conditions are met" She made a statement the truth_value of which can be verified. It had a truth_value of 0, ie false. At the time he perceived her to be at this man's house. If she had said... "Up to this point in time I have not visited his house" He would have had to rely on the perceptions of others to evaluate the statement. But at the time he observed the phenomenon the statement would have held a truth_value of 1, ie true. I do not know, nor am I suggesting tht they have had sexual relations. I am pointing out the incontrovertible fact that she was lying to him, add that to the suspicious behaviour she has engaged in and I, and it is only my opinion based on what I am reading, surmise at the very least that she is not being honest. Ergo, lack of honesty. Ergo, problem. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellFire Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Well if she is lying about things like that in their relationship, then that's a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 MHF - I can see your point - that if she has no interest their should be no problem...but I also think that what they are saying is that even IF she viewed the relationship platonically she is being disrespectful to him and their marriage by being in a friendship with someone that is attracted to her. And disrespectful to the "friend" she is getting attention....which if she has low self esteem (as indicated) maybe that's what she is getting - an ego build from someone who is interested in her. That seems wrong too...I wouldn't lead someone on for an ego build Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 Maybe your friend did it, but I think its rare especially when someone is already spending more time with that person than their spouse. These people are married, not just in a relationship. My husband has friends from college and they helped each other through divorce etc. He would do much of anything for these women but I've never had a cause to be jealous. Why? Because he puts me first above this, and because he never hides what he is doing from me. He talks to them openly but he's not getting drunk over at their houses either. This woman is turning to this other guy when she should be turning to her husband about her problems! Link to post Share on other sites
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